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Friday Yuk

By Bob in Calgary ·
Where is every one, I come in expecting to read the friday Yuk. Oh well Here goes.

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. For his first chapter he decided to write about American churches. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would work his way across the country from South to North. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read $10,000.00 per call. The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to Heaven and that for $10,000.00 one could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and asked a nearby nun what its purpose was? She told him that it was a direct line to Heaven and that for $10,000.00 he could talk to God.

"O.K. , thanks" said the American.

He then traveled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston New-York., N. Dakota, and Montana In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same $10,000.00 per call sign under it. Upon leaving Montana, the American saw a sign for CANADA and decided to see if Canadians had the same golden telephone. He arrived in Calgary Alberta and again there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read 25 cents per call. The American was surprised and intrigued so he asked the priest about the sign, "Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in every state the price was $10,000.00 per call.
Why is it so cheap here.?"

The priest smiled and answered: "You're in Canada now son, it's a local call."

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Why Canadians and New Yorkers should holiday in NC

by jck In reply to Friday Yuk

A Floridian, a New Yorker and a Canadian are in a bar one night having a beer.

The New Yorker drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In New York our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink with the same one twice.".

The Canadian (obviously impressed by this) drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In Canada we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink with the same glass twice either!"

The Floridian, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the New Yorker and the Canadian. He says "In Florida we have so many New Yorkers and Canadians that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."

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It is funny

by jdclyde In reply to Why Canadians and New Yor ...

how the same true sayings can be modified!

I normally hear it as the the first is a Mexican, second Canadian, third is a Michigander.

catches the bottle, shoots the Candadian and orders another drink. The Mexican asks what he did that for, and the reply is "we have lots of Canadians, but the bottle has a 10 cent deposit".

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Old Harold

by jdclyde In reply to Why Canadians and New Yor ...

I was having trouble with my computer so I called Harold the computer guy, to come over.

Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So,what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that .. in case I need to fix it again?"

Harold grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down ...... I D 1 0 T

I used to like Harold.

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Government work

by jdclyde In reply to Why Canadians and New Yor ...

A guy goes to Arkansas DOT to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service?"

"Yes," he says. "I was in Viet Nam for three years"

The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward employment". Then the interviewer asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes 100%.......a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off." The interviewer tells the guy, "O.K.---I can hire you
right now. The hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M.. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 A.M."

The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M?"

"This is a state job" the interviewer says. "For the first two hours we sit around scratching our balls.... no point in you coming in for that."

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Getting cross

by jdclyde In reply to Why Canadians and New Yor ...

Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen. Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"What shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen. Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine?

"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.

"Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine.

She opens the window and shouts, "Get the f@*k off the car!"

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Pinocchio

by jdclyde In reply to Why Canadians and New Yor ...

PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit
Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.

A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"

Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"


(honestly, who didn't see that one coming from me?)

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Wicked aunt

by Bob in Calgary In reply to Pinocchio

Did you hear about Pinocchio's wicked aunt.


Sat on his face and made him tell lies.

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That's a twist

by Oz_Media In reply to Why Canadians and New Yor ...

I heard a much more racial version of that one.

Sorry I missed the Yuk again , 2 busy, maybe tonight.

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LOL!!!

by Montgomery Gator In reply to Why Canadians and New Yor ...

I am originally from Florida, so I can relate to this one. :-)

Old saying in Miami: Will the last American to leave, please bring the flag?

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Or My Favorite

by FirstPeter In reply to Why Canadians and New Yor ...

Two guys walk into a bar.


The third one ducks.

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