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Friday Yuk

By Oz_Media ·
Seeing as I can't see a Yuk this week:


AMNESIA: condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

DUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

PRENATAL: when your life was still somewhat your own.

PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: able to whine in words.

WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house.


Have a great weekend everyone, lets all hope that the people in New Orleans manage to pull together and get going again.

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Thanks

by rouschkateer In reply to Friday Yuk

I needed a laugh. Thanks for providing one!

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This one is for Oz....

by cp7212 In reply to Friday Yuk

I'm feeling giddy looking at a three-day weekend, at least for us spoiled, whining, overpaid Americans......according to OZ.

Only in America!

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance..

2. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front..

3. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke..

4. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters..

5. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage..

6. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place..

7. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight..

8. Only in America.....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'..

God bless everyone dealing with the Katrina disaster and the souls helping out.

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Overpaid? I wouldnt go that far

by Oz_Media In reply to This one is for Oz....

I make more money in Canada than I would doing the same job in the USA. Same with many jobs I've had, but you pay less tax.

Our cost of living is higher, but our wages are too. Our minimum wage is higher and that gets gobbled up by the tax man, so it's all proportional.

That's why I said a dollar to you is a dollar to me. So when you pay $2.00 for gas and I pay $2.00 for gas, it's the same hit in the pocket.

My point was that based on our income and cost of living, gas is still cheap in the US compared to Canada and the UK. When your gas is $4-$7 a gallon then you are on par with the rest of us.

But Only in America is quite right, I liked them.

Enjoy your weekend, and hey, most Canadians have a long weekend too, thanks America.

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About IT wages

by jdclyde In reply to Overpaid? I wouldnt go th ...

My understanding from talking to Canadians a few years back when I was in Toronto for my SCO training was that the wages in Canada were MUCH lower than in the US. Matter of fact it was stated to me that many get their training in Canada and then go to the US to work.

I even met a few gents that I made almost 20K more a year, even before you talk currency conversions.

Has this changed over the last five years or are you just talking wages in general?

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Both

by Oz_Media In reply to About IT wages

Wages in general.

Now to to boast but HOW you find work also dictates the wages, not the employer.

I have never aplied for an advertised job, you simply get a fixed pay scale that way.

I create opportunities and convince companies they need me, that way YOU get to dictate your wage, hours, job description etc. this almost ALWAYS results in higher pay than an IT guy that found a job.

But as for wages in general, as a mechanic the government initiated minimum salary for journeymen is higher in Canada than in the US where there is LITTLE support for th eworkers and more for the company.

Our minimum wage is also higher in most cases, though some provinces are still rather low.

As a sales rep. you gat a higher base and comm structure in Canada than in the USA.

So in MY experience, whether in a trade, a sales job, an entry level minimum wage job OR in IT, I always make a lot more money here than I ever could in the USA.

Most people think your money is a lot more valuable than it really is, therefore even though you get paid less, they see USD and get excited.

I actually get paid in GBP from European income, which is nice but it stays in a British account because tax would kill it otherwise.

People in England think I get paid more than they do because my annual is much higher, yet their money is worth more than twice mine. It's all relative, but I have yet to see a better oportunity or more money from the US than I get from Canada, possibly de to reputation and contacts that see me in a higher income bracket than others in the same field or something, I'm not sure. I have conducted a lot of biz in the US and also get paid in USD for residuals on music sales, but after tax and crap, it's all the same and not any more money.

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about wages

by jdclyde In reply to Both

your minimum wage may be higher than the 5.75 it is here, but mechanics and such do not work at minimun wage so that isn't valid.

Minimum wage is for places like fast food which are not designed for people to make a living off of.

No one in IT is affected by minimum wage accept for when it goes up. That means unskilled labor gets a raise but skilled labor doesn't as their pay is not based on the minimim wage. It just mean that nasty burger at McD's cost more to the skilled labor who did not get a raise.

Thus, a raise in minimum wage short term helps people with no skills and hurts all skilled labor.

As for applying for a job, I see that as true. My last two jobs, I was called by the company and asked if I was interested in the position. The place I am now wasn't offering enough to justify added drive time so I turned it down. They came back a week later and had made it worth my while to take the job putting my pay quite a bit over what a few of my co-workers were at. But I was higher qualified and got hired in to do a job they couldn't do. The y2k rewrite of our legacy cobol programs.

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of course it's valid jd

by Oz_Media In reply to about wages

I am comparing several jobs with similar jpobs in the US.

A) our minimum wage earners earn a higher wage. Entry level fast food or retail jobs for students.

B) Mechanics (trained and certified Journeymen) have a minimum wage too, as mandated by the government and automovtive union. This Journeymans salary (minimum guaranteed wage) is quite a bit higher here than in the US.

C) You have agreed that IT work pays more if you go about acquiring IT work properly, instead of applying for fixed rate positions. And this is also due to skill. Some people with just as much skill earn less because they simply filled a hole and didn't create an opportunity.

So in all cases I see, the wages here are higher than the wages there, but the cost of living is higher in BC than in most states; so really we are all pretty much on par with each other.

It's just like living in England, you get paid a LOT less for the same job in England than you do in Canada, but in England the pound is worth more than double what our dollar is worth so it's all reletive really. COst of living in England CAN be high but some things are a lot more expensive over there then here, while other things are cheaper there than here. Once again, it's about even overall.

So in a case of WAGES, we generally get paid more than you do in the USA, minimum wages and skilled workers, BUT...it pretty much breaks even as we have a different cost of living.

Either way, you will live close to the same standards no matter where you live.

In MY case, I earn a MUCH higher wage in Canada, the cost of living is getting a lot higher in the USA, whereas it was once FAR cheaper than Canada.

So really; and again in MY case, I can live a better life and have more recreation, toys and material possessions by living and working in Canada, than in the USA. I can enjoy life more here, Canada offers more of what I want than the USA.

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Very good..and fairly accurate

by maecuff In reply to Friday Yuk

My Amnesia took a while to kick in as there is almost 11 years between my two kids. And now my little one wants to know why he can't have a brother or a sister. You don't have to hit me in the head with a hammer..well, more than twice.

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GG did start one

by jdclyde In reply to Friday Yuk

it just seems that not many hopped on the love train.

http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=8&threadID=180611&start=0


Oh well, better two than none.

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WARNING - Horrible, terrible jokes...

by maecuff In reply to Friday Yuk

Two cannibals are eating a clown. The first one asks the second one, "Does this taste funny to you"?

Two cows are standing in a field, the first one asks the second one "Have you heard about that mad cow disease"? The second one replies "Yes, I'm so glad I'm a penguin".

A bear walks into a bar, sits down and says "I want a beer.......................and some peanuts." The bartender says, "Why the big paws"?

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "Why the long face"?

Have a great weekend!

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