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Friday Yuk

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by guruofdos

Closed to new repliesThis discussion is closed. It stays readable, but it takes no new replies.

The doggies held a conference; they came from near and far.
Some of them came by train or plane and some by bus or car.
As each noble canine queued to sign the delegates book.
Each doggy took his arsehole off and hung it on a hook.

Well as they were convening, each purebred dam and sire,
Some dirty rotten bastard came in and shouted "FIRE!"
The dogs were in a panic and they had no time to look,
So as they ran they grabbed an arsehole off the nearest hook.

They ran out of the conference hall. Four ways they did scatter.
With assorted mis-matched arseholes - you may ask "Does it matter?"
Well, this is why you see today a dog will leave a bone
To sniff another's arsehole...to see if it's their own!

42 replies

by guruofdos

....how they edit out 'a r s e h o l e' - singular, but leave in 'a r s e h o l e s', plural?!!

So does that mean one is offensive but a whole bunch of arseholes (politicians, corporate management, Microsoft - delete as applicable!) is acceptable? Must be!

by gadgetgirl

of why a bunch gets through!

Must admit, when emailing this to a mate, I substituted the word "appendage" - and that got through, too!

- and are we the only ones who have realised it's Friday? Bit quiet here, isn't it?

GG

by guruofdos

Tis lunchtime...Oz and the others over the other side of the pond haven't even finished their breakfast yet!

by jessie

Right up to the end of that joke, I was thinking it was the OTHER appendage they were hanging up... and that'd be why thy like to lick themselves... cuz it tastes like somebody else's... or something like that. :D

by goliathkutaa

I'm just starting into my first cup of java.

I saw this, and thought it was good. Have a good weekend all!

A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world. The doctor remarked "Well, in the Bible it says that God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam. This clearly required surgery so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The civil engineer interrupted and said "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong; mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The computer scientist leaned back in his chair, smiled, and said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?"

by ccthompson

A stoner stumbles out of a party...

A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home.
One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled.

The guy limps up to the stoner and says "Call me an ambulance!"

The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, "You're an ambulance!"

________________________________________________
Drunken Confession

Two drunks are at a bar, drinking up a storm.

One drunk says to the other drunk, ?Did you sleep with my wife last night??

To which the other drunk replies, ?Not a wink.?
________________________________________________

rother is

A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!"

________________________________________________

by jdclyde

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots of tequilla, which he slams one after another.

When he is done, the bartender asks what the occasion is.

"first blowjob" the man replies.

"Out celebrating?" the bartender asks?

To which the man replies, "no, trying to kill the taste."

by jdclyde

On vacation, a man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a snack at the restaurant, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.
She lies down on the bed... just then, a train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed.
Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. But just a few minutes later a train again shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk and asks for the manager who says he'll be right up.
The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.
"Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!" So he lies down next to the wife.
Just then the husband walks in. He takes one look at the manager lying in bed with his wife and yells, "Hey! What are you doing in here!?"
The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

by hal 9000

Well we all know just how much IT people and computer people in General like to use Jargon so here is one that I found on my desk calender this month. :D

Computer Industry Acronym

MICROSOFT = Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers.

Have a great Weekend Guys!

Col ]:)

by hal 9000

Neglecting Bubs again and going on line to try to escape if even for a short time at TR. It will not work I know I've tried it and failed miserably. :(

But just think of it this way when your kids get older you too can get a phone call at 9.30 PM on a Friday night and then have to drive 600 K to pick up the oldest one and their girlfriend after hitting a Roo and destroying the car. Well perhaps not a roo but something like a Deer or maybe even Big Foot. Currently I trying to think of the most painful and slow way of killing him as I just love dropping all my work and finding a car trailer late on a Friday night and then driving for hours to a place where I have no idea where it is and to make things even better they where in a Dead Spot for Cell Phones so I had no way of contacting them. But they where sitting quite happily in a pub waiting for me to arrive with the wife just in case I could get the car started and be able to drive it back. Of course that didn't happen so I had to winch it onto the trailer and then drive quite a distance to find a safe place to a U turn and then start back. Of course it would have helped no end if there where petrol stations opened as well in the dim distant outback where everything stops at 5.00 PM on Friday except the Police who are attempting to gain more revenue by handing out nice pieces of paper to the tourists who pass through on the weekends. Once the mongrel realized that he couldn't give me one of those pieces of paper he became very unhelpful until I suggested that I might just have enough fuel to get into town and stop in front of the Local Police Station and stay put until I get some answers. He then followed me back into town and gave me a tank full of fuel just to get rid of me. ;)

Col ]:)

by jessie

A lot of folks can't understand how we came
to have an oil shortage here in our country.
Well, there's a very simple answer.

Nobody bothered to check the oil.

We just didn't know we were getting low.
The reason for that is purely geographical.
Our OIL is located in Alaska, California,
Coastal Florida, Coastal Louisiana,
Kansas, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania,and Texas.

~~~

Our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington DC.

-------------------------------------------

AN AMERICAN tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and
explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights,
and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local
culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness. After a
while, he finds himself in a very high-class area...big, stately
residences... no pubs, no shops, no restaurants, and worst of all...
NO PUBLIC TOILETS. He really, really has to go, after all those pints
of Guinness. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls
surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to
solve his problem. As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder
by a London Bobbie, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that
here, you know." "I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American,
"but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public
toilet." "Ah, yes," said the Bobbie, "Just follow me". He leads him
to a back "delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate, which he
opens. "In there," points the Bobbie. "Whiz away SIR, anywhere you want."

The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he
has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured
hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.
Since he has the cop's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved.

As he goes back through the gate, he says to the Bobbie "That was
really decent of you... is that what you call "British Hospitality?"
"No sir", replied the Bobbie, "that is what we call the French Embassy

---------------------------------------------

Gentle thoughts for today...

Birds of a feather flock together ...
and then crap on your car.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

A penny saved
is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the
wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight,
because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The purpose of a child's middle name
is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.
For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words
"The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs."

by jessie

If God is among the living, shouldn't we call him Jesus? or Mohammed maybe?

Sorry... couldn't resist. :D

by hal 9000

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son Playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying,

"All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, 'cause this
is the last stop! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get your
ass in the train, Cause we're going down the tracks."

The horrified mother went in & told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say,

"All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for traveling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue,

"For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please direct your complaints to the fat bitch in the kitchen."

Thank you for travelling with us.

Col ]:)

by hal 9000

They will respond that there is no such thing as a Good Man!

You dropped your foot in it there GoD. ;)

Col ]:)

by maecuff

It IS nice to see you around again. And contrary to what Col says, I would never say there aren't any good men. I would, however, say that even though you can't keep a good man down, that won't stop us from at least trying.. :)

by itgirli

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.

11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I
Grew up.
19.. Procrastinate Now!
20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

by jck

What was John Denver's last wish?
A burial at sea.

John Denver's last words, "I thought this was a non-stop flight."

What was John Denvers last hit?
A scotch, a beer chaser and the Pacific Ocean.

John Denver crashes into the ocean. Three sharks are circling the body.
The first shark says, "I can't eat John Denver. I really liked his music."
The second shark says, "I hated his music and I won't eat something I hate."
The third shark says, "Tastes just like chicken."

How does John Denver like his drinks?
On the rocks.

What TV show will be about John Denver?
Voyage to the bottom of the sea

What was the last thing that went through John Denver's head as he hit the water?
The Propeller.

John Denver didn't take a bath before his flight, but he did wash up on shore.

by jdclyde

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer."

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers, men will often succumb to the desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life''s savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.

by guruofdos

...on the golf course, playing a few holes with a work colleague. The seventh hole was near a main road and they'd just teed off when a funeral courtege started to pass by. Fred took off his cap, bowed his head and became silent as the procession passed. When it had disappeared out of sight, he put his cap back on and resumed play.

His friend commented "Well, Fred. That was a nice gesture of respect just then."

"Ah well, George", he replied. "She WAS my wife, after all!"

by hal 9000

That stood for [b]Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.[b] I got this from an ancient Scottish book somewhere. ;)

Col ]:)

by oz_media

I wasn't in Canada to check for a reply to the email. I was going to post it when I got back but see you got the job done.

Oh well, I'll post Yuk but I must credit your with it; From the whacky world of GURU.

A man is in a queue at the supermarket when he notices that the rather dishy
blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him. He is
rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although
familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says

"Sorry, do you know me?"

She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one
of my children!"

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful.

"Christ!" he says "are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged
on the pool table in front of all my mates whilst your redheaded friend
whipped me with some wet celery and put that cucumber up my ar#e?"

"No" she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher"

Awesome to see you pop in, don't be a stranger!

Oh yeah, here's another list/Yuk too;

ORGASM TYPES

Sex in a boat = Oargasms
Sex with a nerd = Dorkgasms
Sex at the entrance to your house = Doorgasms
Sex on the carpet or linoleum = Floorgasms
Sex at the supermarket = Storegasms
Sex with wild pigs = Boargasms
Sex at a Stephen King movie = Horrorgasms
Sex with a prostitue = Whoregasms
Sex with a storyteller = Loregasms
Sex with an accountant = Boregasms
Sex while sleeping = Snoregasms
Sex with Arthur = Dudley Mooregasms
Sex with cartoon donkeys = Eeyoregasms
Sex while broke = Poorgasms
Sex with a lion = Roargasms
Sex for hours and hours on end = Soregasms
Sex on a golf course = Foregasms
Sex with a nymphomaniac = Ready for Moregasms
Sex in a gold mine = Oregasms
Sex with a dermatologist = Poregasms
Sex with the vice president = Al Goregasms
Sex with chocolate marshmallows = S'moregasms
Sex with a bullfighter = Toreadorgasms
Sex with a masked man carrying a sword = Zorogasms
Sex on the beach = Shoregasms
Sex when you get an award = Honogasms
Sex at an all you can eat buffet = Smorgasbordgasms
Sex on a cruise ship deck = Shuffleboardgasms
Sex in Asia = Singaporegasms
Sex among the wonders of the world = Outdoorgasms
Sex in the vicinity of garbage can = odorgasms
Sex on the way to the train = All aboardgasms
Sex that isn't very satisfying = there's the doorgasms
Sex during hay fever season = Sporegasms
Sex using plastic cutlery = Sporkgasms
Sex with a Medieval poet = Troubadorgasms
Sex in an adult theater = Hardcoregasms
Sex with conquering Spaniards = Conquistadorgasms
Sex with someone not paying attention = Ignorgasms
Sex with a competitive partner = scoregasms
Sex in a firehouse = Firedoorgasms
Sex with an Icelandic singer = Bjorkgasms
Sex with the host of a horrible t.v. show = Pauly Shoregasms
Sex with a cookie = Oreogasms
Sex while flying = Soargasms
Sex with a bugle player = Horngasms
Sex with an astronaut who didn't make it into space = Abortgasms
Sex with a beloved partner = Adoregasms
Sex with a meat eater = Carnivoregasms
Sex with a person who's got a really bad hairdo = Pompadoregasms
Sex with someone who has really bad taste in clothes = Velourgasms
Sex while sightseeing = Tourgasms
Sex with a big dog = Labradorgasms
Sex with Beavs and Butthead = Gonnascoregasms
Sex during an earthquake = Tremorgasms
Sex on farm implements = Tractorgasms
Sex with Thomas Edison = Inventorgasms
Sex with a construction worker = Contractorgasms
Sex at a symphony orchestra = Conductorgasms
Sex with a person who examines dead bodies = Coronergasms
Sex on the stairs at the mall = Escalatorgasms
Sex while hopelessly drunk on shooters = Liquorgasms
Sex with a possessive partner = Yourgasms
Sex with Frankenstein's assistant = Igorgasms
Sex with three of your friends = Fourgasms
Sex with a Norse God = Thorgasms
Sex when resistance is futile = Borggasms
Sex without a climax = Nogasms

by maecuff

doesn't really matter as long as, well, you know.

Lou Grant had Mary Tyler Mooregasms
I have "I got mine, you get yourgasms"..

by oz_media

I woke up in a foreign country. Checked the daily paranoia meter on TV and fled for Canada again. :)

Oh, I got those dates too, will send em on later if I get home before I fall asleep.

GreenMan is apparently not a great idea, but I have two dates for Ruskin that would be worth it.

by hal 9000

An American golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a wee Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head, and the golfer's ball beside him.

Horrified, the golfer poured a bit of Irish whiskey over the little guy to revive him.

"Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked. "Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?"

"Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answers in relief. "I don't want anything. I'm just glad you're okay, and I apologize. I really didn't mean to hit you." And the golfer walks off.

"What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself.

"But it was fair and square that he got me, and I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want - a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life."

A year went by (as it does in stories like this) and the American golfer was back on the same hole. He again hit a bad drive into woods and the Leprechaun was there waiting for him.

"'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?"

"My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers. "In fact, that's the first bad ball I've hit in a year! I'm an internationally famous golfer now."

He! adds, " By the way, it's good to see you're all right."

"Oh, I'm fine now, thankee. I did that fer yer golf game, ya know. And tell me, how's yer money
situation?"

"Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states. "I win fortunes in golf." If I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn't even know were there!"

"I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?"

The golfer blushes, turns his head away embarrassed, and says shyly, "It's OK."

"C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did good job. How many times a day? "

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, "Once, sometimes twice a week."

"What?!?!" responds the Leprechaun in shock.

"That's all? Only once or twice a week?"

"Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish with only two small boys!"

Col ]:)

by guruofdos

Had a few things pulled in my time....

Mind you, we had a really hot week a while back, so the management conceded that we could wear shorts. I happened to go in wearing a pair of 'sawn-off' jeans. I was just stood around working on my first cup of coffee of the day when my boss said "Hey Mike...what are those pieces of thread dangling down from your shorts? Oh...sorry, they are your legs!"

by hal 9000

In the UK a Heat Wave is about the same temp as the worst of our winters. The last time I was in the UK in the middle of your summer I was taken to Briton Beach and the POMs where all complaining just how hot it was and all the while I was walking around in a Great Coat shivering. But at least I got to see a lot of the women swimming and just how cold it actually was. :D

Their minds might have been telling them something different to what their bodies where. :^O

Col ]:)

by jessie

I've got 5 of these mongrels and I know that EACH of them is going to do something like that to me at least once in their lives, more likely SEVERAL times, until I figure out how to keep them from chewing through the duct tape and getting out of the closet. ;)

by hal 9000

This one is now turning 30 and he's now even worse than when he was younger. :(

Now it is getting even better as without a car we get a phone call and are expected to jump as required. Today he was over here demanding that I fix the Bloody car up and all the work that is waiting for me doesn't really matter it can be done latter after I've got his car going again. ;)

I really wish that I had tried to teach him to swim in 200 feet of water with concrete shoes now. :D

Col ]:)

by itgirli

golf
1457, Scot. gouf, usually taken as an alteration of M.Du. colf, colve "stick, club, bat," from P.Gmc. *kulth- (cf. O.N. kolfr "clapper of a bell," Ger. Kolben "mace, club"). The game is from 14c., the word is first mentioned (along with fut-bol) in a 1457 Scot. statute on forbidden games.

as where "golf" came from.

by gadgetgirl

Gone
Off
Left
Family

or the similar alternative

Gone
Out
Left
Female

:D

Prefer watching rugby.....better legs! ;\

GG

by hal 9000

That the first applies to she regularly goes off to GOLF like every day and just disappears for hours if not all day.

She strained her back one day and had to insist that one of her husbands coworkers a guy who specialized in Pain Management saw her immediately {as if that was not going to happen ;)} so she could get back to swinging her clubs.

She's just sold her 5 year old Mercedes and it only has 1,500 KMS on it the distance between her home and the Golf Course but even still she manages to pick up speeding tickets with alarming regularity currently she only has 1 point left on her license before she looses it for speeding. :)

I suppose once that happens she'll be catching a Taxi for her daily FIX! :p

Otherwise she seems like such a nice woman but is totally unreliable as when you arrange something with her to go to her home she just forgets as the GOLF is tooooooooooooo important and when she eventually reaches home she has to drink at least half a bottle of Chivas Regal Royal Salute Scotch. Now I do consider that a real waste as Scotch that good should be savored and treated like the real drink that it is and not just mixed with Ginger-ale to drink. She could buy a $10.00 a bottle Scotch for that. :(

Col ]:)

by guruofdos

From a woman's perspective

There are GOOD MEN...sensitive, caring, domesticated, well groomed, generous, fun loving, able to cook, good looking and great company.

Unfortunately, most of these men already have boyfriends!

by maecuff

that is sadly true. I'm thinking if you can get 6 or 7 out of your 9 qualities listed, you're not doing too bad.

by jaqui

In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft messages with Haiku poetry messages.
Haiku's are used to communicate a timeless message often achieving a wistful,
yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity - the essence of Zen:

Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

The Website you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully.

With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao-until
You bring fresh toner.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

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