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Friday Yuk

By brj1980 ·
A guy walks into a bar and there is a man 12 inches tall playing the piano and he is jamming. So the guy goes to the bartender and asks: "Where did you get that little guy with the mad skills on the piano?" The bartender says: "there is a Genie in this beer bottle and he granted my wish and so I have me a foot tall piano player." So the guy asks: "Can I try?". So the bartender gives the guy the bottle, he rubs it and the Genie comes out and says : "I will grant you 1 wish". So the guy says: "I wish I had a million bucks." The Genie says: "Your wish is granted". Then all of a sudden a millions ducks appear all over the bar. The guy says: "What the **** happened, where is my money?" The bartender says: "Do you think I wanted a 12 inch pianist!"

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Superhero Leisure Time

by DMambo In reply to Friday Yuk

Superman is bored one Sunday afternoon. He's flying around and decides that he'll stop by to see Aquaman. When he gets there, he finds Aquaman cleaning the pool. Superman really doesn't feel like helping around the yard, so he decides to see what Batman is doing.

He comes across Batman in the Batcave outside of Gotham City, and the Caped Crusader is waxing the Batmobile. Again, the Man of Steel decides this is not an activity that he wants to do, so he figures that he'll fly over to see Wonder Woman.

When he gets to her house, he finds Wonder Woman lying naked in her back yard. Her eyes are closed and she's moaning and writhing in apparent ecstacy. Superman thinks "Wow, she's having an erotic dream. This is my big opportunity to let her know what a 'speeding bullet' really is." He decides to use his super speed to zoom down, have his way with her, then take off before she even knows what happened.

It happened in the blink of an eye. Wonder Woman opens her eyes and screams "What the heck was that??" The Invisible Man rolls off her and says "I don't know, but my a$$h0le sure hurts!"

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Two men talking

by jdclyde In reply to Superhero Leisure Time

There were two men standing on the edge of a cliff talking. As a third man walks by, he overhears on man saying "the wind currents in this canyon are just right, that a man can jump off, glide around the canyon and then land back here safe and sound."

This blows the man away, so he stops and asks "do you mean to tell me I could jump off this cliff, glide around the canyon and then land back here safely"?

The man replies "yes, that is exactly what I mean".

The third man replies "no, this is just a trick to get me to crash down on those rocks down there".

So the man says, "ok, watch". And with that he jumps off, glides around the canyon and lands back on the edge, safe and sound.

Third man "This has to be some kind of trick!"

Man, "well, I just did it".

Third, "well ok, here goes". And with that he jumps off the edge, and crashes down on the rocks.

The other man that has remained silent this whole time speaks up saying "Superman, sometimes your a real a$$hole!"

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by Jessie In reply to Friday Yuk

you guys are not near as funny when I'm not around. Try this one...

Cool Signs

Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

At a dry cleaners: "Drop your pants here."

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

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So Jessie what are you doing

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Obviously...

Abandoning the new Bubs? :)

Or is she following my advice and leaving you alone all day by sleeping and only wanting her food supply at night long after milking time. :^O

I only hope that you have her there with you on the new T3 connection dedicated to her so she doesn't have a moments trouble surfing the net and no delay after all she needs it now not when you think she needs it.

Incidentally I posted a Friday Yuk around the same time as this one was posted but it got in first so we'll run with this one but check out this site

It will be good for your education.

I did like the one about the Gynecologist though must be the reason that I stay away from them it sounds painful.

Col ]:)

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Thanks for CURSING US Col

by Jessie In reply to So Jessie what are you do ...

You sawed-off, duck-legged, side-steppin' son of a beach crustacean!!!

The new Bubs enjoys marathon nursing from 11pm to about 5am, then my other two young ones get up at about 6:30. Of course, about the time the young ones go down for their afternoon nap is when Lennie decides it's time to play... and it's ALL YOUR FAULT!!!

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And how do you work that one out?

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Thanks for CURSING US Col

I'm no where near you so you should be looking at the Parenting Skills of those involved.

If they are unable to make their children do as they are told who else is there to blame? :^O

Col ]:)

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Best one I have ever seen?

by jdclyde In reply to Obviously...

In town at the proctologests office is a sign, "parking in rear".

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Some local slogans

by house In reply to Obviously...

Chartrand Plumbing: "Laying Down The Pipe"

Enterprise Radiators: "A Good Place to Take a Leak"

* The Enterprise Rad advert is on half of our city transit buses.

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