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Friday Yuk

By Oz_Media ·
Well, here's some fun with the state mottos that nobody can get on my case about.

State Mottos ...what they could be.

-Alabama: **** Yes, We Have Electricity
-Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
-Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
-Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
-California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
-Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
-Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet
-Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
-Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
-Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
-Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
-Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes...Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
-Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
-Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
-Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
-Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
-Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
-Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
-Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
-Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
-Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
-Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
-Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
-Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
-Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
-Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, And Very Little Else
-Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
-Nevada: Hookers and Poker!
-New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
-New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
-New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent pets
-New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney...
-North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
-North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
-Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
-Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
-Oregon: Spotted Owl...It's What's For Dinner
-Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
-Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
-South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
-South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
-Tennessee: You Need Our Help Where
-Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
-Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
-Vermont: Yep
-Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
-Washington: What Rain?
-Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
-West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!
-Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
-Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... and the sheep are scared!


My favs were Kentucky, Mississippi and Utah.


Anyhow, got the bikes loaded and I'm gone again, so it's good night from me.....and it's good night from him.

Have a great weekend!

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Some Haiku

by neilb@uk In reply to Friday Yuk

No keyboard present
Hit F1 to continue
Zen engineering?

The web site you seek
Cannot be located but
Countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Windows XP crashed.
I am the blue screen of death.
No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

This site uses frames
And yet your browser does not.
One of these will change.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Microsoft Windows
Hackers exploit a new hole
You will need to patch

An old CD-ROM
How should I purge its data?
Oh, the microwave

That key puzzles me
I can find no use for it
Scroll Lock enigma

Ozone fills the room
How much did I overclock?
Processor is fried

I'm trapped in a loop
A bad recursive function
I cannot escape

Have a good weekend!

Neil

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MI6 Recruitment

by gadgetgirl In reply to Some Haiku

MI6 had an opening for an assassin. After all the usual background checks, interviews and appraisals had been completed, there were just three candidates left; two men and one woman.
For the final test, the Deputy-Director told the candidates that an MI6 agent would take them to a large metal door and hand each one a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside that room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. "Kill her!!!"
"Y-you c-c-can't be serious," stammered the man. "I could never shoot my own wife!"
"Then you're not the right man for this job," replied the Deputy-Director coldly. "Take your wife and go home."
An agent gave the second man the same instructions. The man took the gun and stepped reluctantly into the room. All was quiet for several minutes. Then he staggered out with tears in his eyes. "I tried," he sobbed, "I really did try, but I can't kill my wife, it's inhuman."
"Tough," snapped the agent. "You obviously don't have what it takes to be an assassin. Get your wife and stop wasting our time."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. Her husband was locked in the room and she was given the same instructions as the men: kill the target. She took the gun and went into the room. Several shots rang out in rapid succession. Then the waiting agents heard terrible screams, followed by loud crashing and banging on the walls. After a few minutes it went deathly quiet. Then the door slowly opened and the woman came out wiping blood from her hands. "This gun was loaded with blanks!" she complained. "I had to beat him to death with the chair!"
"I told you," said the Deputy-Director, turning to the gaping agents, "When you want a tough job doing, hire a woman."

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Yes as they say Deadlier than the Male!

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to MI6 Recruitment

She probably bit his throat out as well.

Have a Great Weekend.

Col

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Cheers, Col!

by gadgetgirl In reply to Yes as they say Deadlier ...

off to sort out the boat ready for the Tall Ships, so back in a couple of weeks, mate!

Be good!



GG

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GG Remember

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Cheers, Col!

While you're out on the boat not to start any wars!

Have a great break none the less.

Col ]:)

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7 most important men in a woman's life

by jck In reply to Friday Yuk

The Doctor:Because he tells you to take off your clothes.

The Dentist:Because,he tells you to open wide.

The Milkman:Because,he asks you;do you want it in the front or the back?

The Hairdresser:Because,he asks you do you want it blown or teased?

The Interior Decorater:Because,he tells you once it's in you'll like it.

The Banker:Because,he tells you,if you take it out to soon,you'll lose interest.

Last But Not Least,The Hunter:Because,he goes deep into the bush,he always shoots twice,and he always eats what he shoots.

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ha!

by gadgetgirl In reply to 7 most important men in a ...

now if I could just get ONE man to fill ALL those roles....]:)

oh, silly me - I forgot for a second that men can't multi-task.....

:^O

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oh really?

by jck In reply to ha!

You never saw me (at 19 years old) talking on the phone, cooking food, and taking care of my infant niece all at once.

oh no...does this mean I'm...not a man?

$hit...now I gotta go shoppin for panty hose...wonder if I'll see Joe Namath there?

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Yep

by Jessie In reply to oh really?

You're most definitely not a real man

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And he's way too Young for your new

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Yep

Bubs as well but will that stop her?

Col ]:)

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