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Friday Yuk

By Oz_Media ·
Women are like Slinkies.

Women are like Slinkies
.
.
.
.
They're not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
What did one sperm say to the other?

- "Last one there gets a rotten egg!"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Hilarious Ways To Have Fun At Work

Social and Behavioral Studies

Start rumors,

Examples:

company relocating, new boss, random drug testing, phone bugging, compulsory personality testing, new compulsory exercise policy, etc.

See how far the rumors escalate.

Getting away without doing any work

Sneaky naps - for people with their own offices without windows. Spill paper clips, pencils or staples on the floor about 6 feet from the door to your office. Lie down and go to sleep with your feet against the closed door and your hand in the pile of paper clips. When someone pushed the door open, quickly get up on your knees, and you have the perfect excuse for being on the floor!


Prank

Find a small cardboard box and remove the bottom. Place it on your chosen victim's desk with the bottomless side down on the desk. Fill the box with hole-punch waste, seal the box lid and adress it to the victim. When the victim gets to their desk, they will automatically pick up the box and create their own little blizzard!

Social and Behavioral Studies

Go up to Frank, when he's talking with Dave, and a group of others, and say "Hey Frank, do your impression of Dave!" When Frank protests that he doesn't do an impression of Dave, you say "Don't be modest, you had the whole room in fits yesterday". The leave.

(That one I've done :) )

Prank

Put Deep Heat muscle rub on all toilet seats.

Have a great weekend, y'all! B-)

The prank reminds me of grade 6. A couple of us stayed in class during recess and swapped the entire classroom backwards, all desks, teachers desk etc. Then we took the goldfish and flipped his bowl upside down with a piece of glass on top, put it on his desk and slipped the glass out from under it.

Yeah, I ws nice ONCE, when I was really little.

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Stress management

by rapell In reply to Friday Yuk

Are you worried now about how to stay stressed?
You'll have no trouble if you practice the following clinically proven methods:


NEVER EXERCISE.
Exercise wastes a lot of time that could be spent worrying.

EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT.
Hey, if cigarette smoke can't cleanse your system,
a balanced diet isn't likely to.

TAKE PLENTY OF STIMULANTS.
The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar,
and cola will continue to do the job just fine.

GAIN WEIGHT.
Work hard at staying at least 25 pounds over your recommended weight.

AVOID "WOO-WOO" PRACTICES.
Ignore the evidence suggesting that meditation, yoga, deep breathing, and/or mental imaging help to reduce stress. Be a man!
That goes for women too.


GET RID OF YOUR SOCIAL SUPPORT SYSTEM.
Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that you concern yourself with friendships only if you have time, and you never have time. If a few people persist in trying to be your friend, avoid them.

PERSONALIZE ALL CRITICISM.
Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is mounting a personal attack. Don't take time to listen, be offended, then return the attack!

MALES AND FEMALES ALIKE - BE MACHO.
Never ever ask for help, and if you want it done right, do it yourself!


BECOME A WORKAHOLIC.
Put work before everything else, and be sure to take work home evenings and weekends. Keep reminding yourself that vacations are for sissies.



DISCARD GOOD TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS.
Schedule in more activities every day than you can possibly get done and then worry about it all whenever you get a chance.


PROCRASTINATE.
Putting things off to the last second always produces a
marvelous amount of stress.

WORRY ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN'T CONTROL.
Worry about the stock market, earthquakes, the approaching Ice Age, you know, all the big issues.


THROW OUT YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.
Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn't be treated as one.


_______________________________________

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Couple more pranks

by DMambo In reply to Friday Yuk

Vasiline on door handles. Did this in HS on a regular basis. Lots of laughs.

Saran wrap on toilet. Victim of this once. Thank heaven for good kegle muscles.

Small rubber band on kitchen sink spray nozzle. When the victim turns on the water, the sprayer sould be aimed directly at him. My kid taught me this one last April Fools day :0

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Bad women...

by jck In reply to Friday Yuk

are like a cat with hairballs.

You try to help em out, but when you do they usually just cause a mess and expect you to clean it up.

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50 things to do on an elevator...

by Jessie In reply to Friday Yuk

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2. **** your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!

4. Whistle the first seven notes of It's a Small World incessantly.

5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

7. Shave.

8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?

9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: Noogie patrol coming!

13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

14. Annouce to anyone boarding the elevator, "The doctor says the penicillin should clear up that rash in a couple of weeks."

15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go plink at the bottom.

16. Do Tai Chi exercises.

17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: I've got new socks on!

18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!

19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.

20. Meow occassionally.

21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

22. Frown and mutter gotta go, gotta go then sigh and say oops!

23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

24. Sing Mary had a little lamb while continually pushing buttons.

25. Holler Chutes away! whenever the elevator descends.

26. Walk on with a cooler that says human head on the side.

27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce You're one of THEM! and move to the far corner of the elevator.

28. Burp, and then say mmmm...tasty!

29. Leave a box between the doors.

30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers through it.

32. Start a sing-along.

33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask is that your beeper?

34. Play the harmonica.

35. Shadow box.

36. Say Ding! at each floor.

37. Lean against the button panel.

38. Say I wonder what all these do and push the red buttons.

39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space.

41. Bring a chair along.

42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: Wanna see wha in muh mouf?

43. **** spit bubbles.

44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

45. Announce in a demonic voice: I must find a more suitable host body.

46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

48. Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.

49. Stare at your thumb and say I think it's getting larger.

50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler Bad touch!

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Awesome

by Oz_Media In reply to 50 things to do on an ele ...

I think I'll try them all, I LOVE shock value!


A few I have done before, 1,4,11,17,18 and 41 (more than once in most cases) I used to do #4 all the time to **** people off, not just in the elevator with Small World but I would sit and think of a REALLY annoying theme song, kids ****, or commercial jingle to sing once or twice at work in the morning. It got so other people would work hard to try and get a stupid song stuck in my head too, but I could usually throw one back at them and get them going all over again. I would fix my own loopy song in the head by just cranking some music in my office for a while.

The one that I always liked was Pebbles and Bam Bam singing, "Let the sun Shine in, open up your heart, open up you rheart and let the sun shine in."
Nobody knows the song but everyone recognizes the tune. Those are the best, when people know one or two lines and they loop it all day trying to get the rest of it. But Small World is a great one, I don't know anyone who's been to Disneyland and survived the next week without that song in their head!

Some of the others I have yet to try, but many I will! THX!

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May I add...

by Montgomery Gator In reply to Awesome

If there are 3 or more people on the elevator, and if you can keep a straight face, try the the SBD (Silent But Deadly) attack if you are skilled at that sort of thing.

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Thing to do number 51

by jck In reply to Friday Yuk

pee down your leg when the cable breaks and you go freefalling.

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I like

by Oz_Media In reply to Thing to do number 51

Sniff a few times, do a scratch and sniff on your bum and say quietly, 'I think I've soiled myself."

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Why Parents Go Grey

by jdclyde In reply to Friday Yuk

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes", whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes", came the answer.

"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "no".

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman".

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman"?

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?, asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper"

Alarmed,concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there"?

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:

"They're looking for me"


Happy Fathers day!

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cuz of kids like me...

by Jessie In reply to Why Parents Go Grey

When I was 2, my Dad was home on leave from the Navy and was watching my brother and I while Mom was at work. He decided we all needed a nap (he didn't know I never took them) and so we all laid down and he and my older brother went to sleep.

He woke up to find that I was not asleep, and after spending several minutes searching the house, to no avail, called out the front door, "Jessica, where ARE you?!?!"

"I'm on the froof Daddy!" and sure enough, there I sat, on the edge of the roof at 2 years old, legs happily swinging over the side. A rose trellis makes a great ladder for a toddler!

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