Friday Yuk!

The weekend can start a day early, I don't mind.
---------------------------
(up front, sorry galls, been that kind of week)

After 10 years of marriage, the best part of a bl0w j0b is the 10 minutes of quiet.

If you upset your wife, she will yell and nag.
If you REALLY piss her off, she will give you the silent treatment.
Isn't it worth the little extra effort?

If your wife is at the front door yelling and the dog is at the back door barking, who do you let in first?
The dog of course. He will shutup once you let him in.

Have a great one all. (ha ha, I get to leave early todayyyyy)

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "Yes, he's definately dead. Now what?"

Happy Thursday/Friday

Jack and the Hangover

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forces
himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of
aspirin next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, there's a
single red rose!

Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed.

Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,
spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirin,
cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom
mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove,
I left early to go shopping--Love you!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast
and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when
she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm
married!"

Broken furniture - $85.26

Hot Breakfast - $4.20

Red Rose bud -$3.00

Two Aspirin -$.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless.

I thought you already posted the Friday yuk.

What's red and smells like blue paint.

Red paint.

Tee Hee

Why do women keep their eyes close during sex?

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ -

They can't stand to see us have a good time!!

A new employee joins the Company, and is required to have a
password setup for his computer. The boss directed a secretary
to setup the password for him.

The secretary asks the man for the password. The man, attempting
to embrass the secretary in order to show superiority, said,
"Penis."

Blushing, the secretary input the password Penis, and re-typed
it. Then she hit enter.

The whole office heard the secretary burst out laughing at the reaction from the computer's screen:

"Password rejected. Reason: Too short"

10 best excuses when you get caught falling asleep on your desk:

10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in
that time management course you sent me to."

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably
got here just in time!"

7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement
and envisioning a new paradigm."

6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve
work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who
practice Yoga?"

4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a
solution to our biggest problem."

3. "The coffee machine is broken..."

2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."

And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your
desk...

1. " ... in Jesus' name. Amen."

Ankles as earrings... that's the only way for me to get pregnant... and I'm on my 6th... hubby looks a little weird swinging from the ceiling fan. He does love my early morning Yoga practice though. ;)

Feet, that's what I meant. Probably why my description was somewhat cryptic, you never know what TR will edit next! :D

She had a pretty face too though, when her mouth was inoperational.

I liked the 'PC' pun though.

Baby polar bear goes to his mum
"Mum, am I really a polar bear?"
"Yes dear, of course you are. I'm a polar bear, your dads a polar bear, and you are a polar bear"
The baby polar bear goes and finds his dad.
"Dad, am I really a polar bear?"
"Of course you are son, like me and your mum, we are a family of polar bears. How come son?"
"Because I'm bloody freezing!"

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and finds a young couple in
bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck,
then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guys an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how
he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he says. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry he'll kill us. Be strong honey, I love you."
To which the wife responds:
"He wasn't kissing my neck, he was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told
him it was in the bathroom...Be strong honey. I love you too."
>

Durring the week I was presented with a P3 M'Board CPU and told to strip out an old case and install the M'Board. When I actually got a look at the case it was bent to such an extent that it was unusable so I bought a new one Mistake 1.

Then to compound the mistake I found that when power was applied nothing happened other than the CPU fan ran, I reduced it to a minimum and still found the same thing so I called the person who brought it in and told him the M'Board was shot Mistake 2.

He insisted that it worked event hough he had never actually seen it running but when he told where he had bought it from I let out a big sigh of relief as they are one of the reputable companies so there would not be a problem in exchanging the "Dead M'Board"

A 50 KM trip over there only to be told it worked perfectly had me scratching my head quite a bit as I had removed everything and not even got a beep out of the thing telling me that something was wrong. So I say to the Tech can I have a look see and while I do not in any way insinuate you are not telling me the complete truth I would be happier to see it with my own eyes and sure enough it was working you could switch it on by shorting out the pins for the power switch you could reboot it by shorting out the pins for the reset switch and it was even insisting that the wrong RAM was fitted which it was as it only had a 100 MHZ stick in it.

Mistake number 3 I took it home and fitted it to the brand new case and again had nothing working except the CPU fan. So knowing that the thing worked I then set about finding out what was going wrong. I disconnected all the front panel wires and shorted out the power pins and it sprang to life. So after fitting one set of leads at a time I eventually came to the reset switch {of course it was the last one I put on} and nothing again.

Apparently when the case was made the molding of the reset switch cover plate was not all that great and it was stuck in the reset position a little filing of the plastic cured the problem and it ran for the next two days with out a hitch except no sound.

Mistake number 4 After getting it fully reloaded and patched I thought what the hell I'll put in a cheap sound card and get rid of the thing. So I powered it down fitted a sub $20.00 AU sound card and then tried to reboot nothing well not quite now all the case fans run the CPU Fan runs but no beeps from the M'Board and no video.

I'll leave it for another few days before I go near the thing again as by now I'm convinced that it is out to drive me crazy.

Col :D

I do not think OZ had the feet in mind when he posted the above.

But because I'm so PC I'll just leave it at that.

Col :D

* Requires QuickTime...
...stand up comic doing an internet tech support routine. Posted on my favourite sick joke site, 'kontraband'. POP UP WARNING. I visit these guys (girls) without any problem, just don't use IE with no blocker.

http://tinyurl.com/6ug8t

At a 200 seat tech support call center. My famed ability was to take over calls from the most irate customers and have them apologizing to the rep for thier impatience in no time.

I can't stand people who talk down to people on the phone who are trying to help them. I have had agents in tears over the degrading slurs that customers have said to them. I can't stand such behaviour from people seeking help and they soon realized it, though I was rather diplomatic about it.

I excell in that area, I will take any bear and make it a mouse in minutes. I will also take any rep stepping over the line and losing that 'edge' and march them out the door in a heartbeat though.

There's an effective way to handle people on the phone, and then there's the way everyone else does it. ;)

Weakend :p

I wouldn't let a tech like that take my call. I have done QA at call centers and know how they work 'up here'. We have indpendant call centers from the US in most cases as they MUST be regulated by the CRTC, or a third patry verification team that randomly listens ot those 'you may be recorded tapes'. They say it is for their own purposes but it is for legal purposes, up here.

If you get that from someone here, even a slightly condescendig tone, you get a manager RIGHT away, they can't have them call you back or dawdle,they must get someone immediately who will soon rectify your issues with a crappy rep.

Been there done that, hired and fired them. If you were to call IBM Canada for example, they are completely different than dealing with IBM US techs (I"ve done both unfortunately) IBM Canada will smile and calmly listen no matter how bad you rag on them, they will apologize when they aren't understood, slow down and backtrack or repeat themselves as often as needed, or they send someone out at no cost to rectify the issue at your home.

In the states, I have ended up speaking with the service manager almost every time, you soon get things ironed out though that way. He ended up just telling to call him directly for US bound issues from now on and gave me his email and DID number.

There is absolutely NO excuse , no matter what someone says, how dumb the seemto be or how rude they are for poor service representation. There are ways of dealing with irate clients and unfortunately these people are asked for mere A+ certification instead, I can give you a room of people with VERY little experience who would make far beter techs.