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Friday Yuk

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by hal 9000

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Well keeping on the Political theme.

John Howard?s SMS Message

Little Johnny Rotten was in an excited mood as his good pen friend George Bush had just accepted that he had won the US election and would be in charge of the sand pit for the next four years. He had tried many times to ring him on his mobile phone to congratulate him on his reappointment and was getting a constant engaged signal.

Crying he went to his mother complaining ?It?s just not fair when I won my election my good pen friend George rang me almost immediately to wish me the best but I can not get through to him to do the same!?

His mother said ?Well Johnny as you can not get him on the phone how about SMS him a cognations message??

Johnny replied ?Gee Mom you know I have not been taught how to SMS yet that is not taught to us for another 23 years at Parliament!?

His mother said ?Give me the phone number and what you want to say and I?ll send the message for you.?

Little Johnny Rotten?s Mother typed in the message and sent it to the phone number that her little son gave her and it was sent almost immediately. Within 5 minutes there was a reply the read.

?Thank you very much you bring the Wombat and I?ll bring the Cigars Love Monica?

As Little Johnny Rotten was only learning to read simple words he got his mother to read it to him before he went to Parliament for the day where he expected to get bashed up again in the sand pit by his fellow Liberal Ministers who wanted to be at the top of the class and be the teachers pet and his mother asked

?Just how do you know Monica and what?s the Wombat for??

Johnny replied ?Geeeee?s Mom Peter is having another go at me again can?t you do something to stop him from bulling me at Parilment??

Col

9 replies

by maecuff

However, how about this?

WOMAN'S A$$ SIZE STUDY:
The results of a recent survey have been released.
It was a poll on how women felt about the size
of their a$$.
The findings of the study are very interesting:

5% of women think their a$$ is too big.

10% of women think their a$$ is too small

85% of women say that they don't care, they love him, and would have married him anyway.

by hal 9000

I thought you where so far above this sexist junk!

Now I'll have to make a complaint about you to TR and have you kicked off.

But it was funny.

Col

by admin

~LoL~ and I thought John Lydon had just made that up (or Malcom McClaren had) for the Pistols :)

by hal 9000

The AU Prime Minister perfectly although he will not be there that much longer as his party has to start grooming a new Leader a long time before the next election comes around.

I think in about 6 months time we will be telling Abbot and Costello Jokes but unfortunately they will not be as funny as the Comedians where.

Col

by jardinier

Perhaps I'm behind the times, but I first encountered the term Johnny Rotten in postings by Col.

Traditionally he has been referred to as "honest John Howard."

However it was pointed out to me (and has been proven by the man himself) that the "honest" is used in the same context as Robin Hood's "Little John," because it was the opposite description of the actual man.

by hal 9000

"Honest John" the treasurer under Malcolm Fraser?

At least Paul Keating had more personality than Little Johnny ever did even if he had the reputation of attempting to kill of his leader to get his position and taking every cent possible.

But the Little Johnny Rotten thing started when he as Treasurer under John Husein and wanted to introduce a GST {For the non Australians here that means "Get Stuffed Tax"} He then tried to again introduce it after it had been dead and buried so he resurrected the moldy and very off tax plan again when he was the leader which naturally made him as unpopular as his festering monster that was constantly having bits fall off of it on every occasion when Little Johnny Rotten wheeled it out into the sunshine. Some Comics compared it to Frankenstein's Monster but at least Frankenstein made something that was more acceptable to the general public.

Col

by delbertpgh

A man and a woman were flying on a plane, sitting beside each other, when the plane began to buck and shake, and the pilot announced he would attempt an immediate emergency landing.

The woman turned to the man, whom she did not know, and said, "I'm not ready to die now. I haven't known love. I haven't known passion." She grabbed his hand in both of hers and said, "Right now, here! Make me feel like a woman!"

The man tore off his shirt, and said, "Iron this."

by jardinier

For the benefit of our non-Australian friends, I will attempt to clarify the obtuse references made from time to time by my Australian colleague.

Peter Costello has served as Treasurer under John Howard for a number of years. He (and everybody else) has always assumed that he would become Prime Minister when Howard decided to stand down.

Early last year Howard said he would assess his position when he reached his 64 th birthday (July 26, 2003). However with the war in Iraq in full progress it was not an appropriate time for a change of leadership.

Having been re-elected on October 9, 2004, Howard has given no indication that he has any intention of handing power to someone else during the current three year term of the Government.

Tony Abbott is the Minister for Health in the Howard Government. Because he has a more forceful personality than Peter Costello, some people are now wondering if Howard is grooming him for the leadership position.

So folks, now you know all about our own, dinkum Aussie Abbott and Costello.

by mlandis

Jokes like this float around after every election.

Political Ghosts Advise Bush

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him. Bush asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises and then fades away.

The next night Bush is astir again and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Respect the Constitution as I did," Jefferson advises and dims from sight.

The third night sleep is still not in the cards for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of F.D.R. hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, what is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the mists.

Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?"

Abe replies, "Go see a play."

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