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Friday Yuk!

By Oz_Media ·
GOLFING PARTNERS-Between 6:30 and 6:45

Four guys who worked together always golfed as a group at 7:00 a.m. on Sunday. Unfortunately, one of them got transferred
out of town and they were talking about trying to fill out the foursome.

A woman standing near the tee said, "Hey, I like to golf, can I join the group?" They were hesitant, but said she could come once to try it and they could see what they thought.

They all agreed and she said, "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45." She showed up right at 6:30, and wound up setting a course record with a 7-under par round. The guys went nuts and everyone in the clubhouse congratulated her.

Meanwhile, she was fun and pleasant the entire round. The guys happily invited her back the next week and she said, "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or 6:45."

Again, she showed up at 6:30 Sunday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed, and matched her 7-under par score of the previous week. By now the guys were totally amazed, and they asked her to join the group for keeps. They had a beer after their round, and one of the guys asked her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

She said, "That's easy. Before I leave for the golf course, I pull the covers off my husband, who sleeps in the nude.
If his member is pointing to the right, I golf right-handed; if it's pointed to the left, golf left-handed."

One of the guys asked, "What if it's pointed straight up?"

She said, "Then I'll be here at 6:45."

Have a great weekend everyone, for those that voted Bush (FU,) nah just kidding congratulations!

For those who voted Kerry, well four more years and you can try again. Enjoy your country for what it is in the meantime.

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one more for the road

by Oz_Media In reply to Friday Yuk!

Are you a cowboy?
An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. As I watch TV, or even eat, I think about women. Everything seems to make me think about women."

The two sat sipping in silence. A short time later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

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Thanks for the laugh

by tp205 In reply to one more for the road

we are done with the worse part so I am happy. thanks for the jokes the brighten my day

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Glad to hear it

by Oz_Media In reply to Thanks for the laugh

Enjoy your weekend!

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Good ones.. Thanks for the laugh

by maecuff In reply to Friday Yuk!


* "Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"

* "That's right, not even McGyver could fix it."

* "So -- what are you wearing?"

* "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"

* "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilithium crystals, Cap'n."

* "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."

* "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery."

* "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."

* "Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"

* "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."

* "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."

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by Oz_Media In reply to Good ones.. Thanks for t ...

So what are you wearing under that? I actually said that once when stumped onsite. Obviously with a close relationship with the user, but the look on her face was still priceless.

have a great weekend !

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I'm watching the seconds tick by..

by maecuff In reply to :)

19 more minutes.. And I have a shot of woodford reserve waiting for me. You have a good weekend, too.

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You're are such a naughty person Mae

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to I'm watching the seconds ...

But my favorite is still

Hold on I'll just go out to the car and grab the 10 Gallon bottle of sea water to fix this thing up totally.

Have a good weekend.


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by maecuff In reply to You're are such a naughty ...

I think I may have been.. My 6 year old started bowling in a league this morning. Pins falling at 10:00am. I was a bit much for my cloudy head.

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Mae was it the falling pins

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to naughty?

Or all the rest of the noise that was just a bit too much?

Luckily I'm well and truly past that stage although my nephews seem to think that "Uncle Colin" can fix anything and I'm just brilliant for downloading an old DOS game for them to play.

It is really hard to keep the constant respect of 5 & 6 years olds and it is even worse when you go over there to do something else for about 15 minutes and end up spending 4 hours attempting to play computer games with them. It is a real COME DOWN having a 6 year old insist that it is EASY and you're not doing it right!


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In the 80s

by JamesRL In reply to Good ones.. Thanks for t ...

I joined up with a couple of other independants to form a loose consulting group.

One of them was eccentric to say the least.
In his bag of tricks, stuffed in among his screwdrivers, utility disks and spares was an old native medicine rattle. When all else failed, and he needed time to rethink a tough problem, he would pull out the rattle, say a native prayer and wave the rattle over the affected computer.

It would sometimes give him enough time to come up with the right fix - often it looked like a miracle.


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