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Friday Yuk

By GuruOfDos ·
Right now I don't have too much to laugh or even smile about, so come on Oz, Mae and the rest of you comedians. Cheer me up, how 'bout it, or do I HAVE to get the Jeff Foxworthy CD's out?

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there is a post already started with some funny stuff

by tp205 In reply to Friday Yuk

sorry Guru but I started one already with a little midwest humor.

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by GuruOfDos In reply to there is a post already s ...

I read it and it did tickle the funny bone, but a little too near the knuckle for me!

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sorry didn't mean to offend anyone

by tp205 In reply to Thanks

Sorry Guru it was not sent to offend trust me. I married a wisconsin woman.

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You didn't offend

by GuruOfDos In reply to sorry didn't mean to offe ...

But as the male victim of emotional and some physical abuse in a roller coaster marriage, it 'hit' home. My reply was 'ironic' rather than 'offended'! Read my reply, 'From The Heart' and you will understand more clearly why I needed a good laugh! No offence taken at all and I did change the locations and forward the joke to a few of my British friends, and they loved it, but I did have a night in hospital after having my face kicked in while she was wearing high heels. My face always looked like a bag of wrenches, but how do you explain it to the boss when you turn up at work with a detatched retina, a fractured skull and cuts and bruises. "Hi Guys. Walked into a door!"?

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GOD you could always say

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to You didn't offend

You ran into a woman with the worst case of PMT that you have ever run across at the local shopping center.

Many years ago while pushing one of my big Ducati's into a garage I swung my leg over the bike to sit on it just as my wife bent down to help push. This resulted in my riding boot catching her just under the left eye and she was sporting one of the best Black Eyes that you could image. Well the next day we had a meeting with the son's school and my wife had to walk in with a great shiner which caused much talk.

But latter that day she was being her usual cheeky self so I told her to walk 3 steps behind or you'll get another one. Well that was a mistake as a little old lady laid into me with her umbrella and handbag calling me all soughts of names and my ever loving wife just stood back laughing her head off. Eventually the Police arrived and pulled her off me and they wanted to know if I wanted her charged. She must have been 80 years old if she was a day and I couldn't stop laughing which kind of upset her all the more. Anyway after she had left my wife said "Are you going to talk to me like that again?" This time I told her to walk at least a block behind for self preservation naturally!


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I'm sorry..

by maecuff In reply to Friday Yuk

To hear that you're not happy.. I promise to find something funny before the end of the day. In the mean time, I'd bet you could find one or two things to smile about.

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You want some REAL funny material?

by Oz_Media In reply to I'm sorry..

Now this has to be the funnist thig I've read i ages!

still brings tears to my eyes to read it!

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by GuruOfDos In reply to You want some REAL funny ...

Nice one! That raised a titter!!

Read my other post about 'upgrade path'. Think literally, then think know me better than anyone, I'm sure you'll twig what I'm really saying, hence my need for cheering up :-)


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not much, but here it goes....

by ITgirli In reply to Friday Yuk

An Irishman, a mexican, and a blonde guy were all working on a construction site. As they sit down to lunch, the irishman looks in his lunch box and says, "if I get corned beef again, I'll jump off this building." The mexican looks in his lunch box and says, "If I get a burrito again, I'll jump off the building." The blonde guy looks in his and says, "If I get bologna again, I'll jump off this building." The next day they all open their lunch boxes. the irishman sees corned beef and jumps off the building to his death. the mexican sees a burrito and jumps off the building to his death. the blonde guy sees bologna and jumps to his death. At the funerals, the wives are all talking. the irish wife says, "If I had just known he didn't like corned beef, I never would have packed it." the mexican wife says, "If I had just known he didn't like burritos, I never would have packed it." The wife of the blonde guy says, "Don't look at me. he packed his own lunch."

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by Oz_Media In reply to not much, but here it goe ...

Now we have blonde GUY jokes? Hmmmm, I am beginnig to think someone didn't want to tell a blonde girl joke!

A welfare bum is sent to a jobsite to work some piece work for a few days. Upon arrival he is given a large black trenchcoat a hardhat and some boots. He asks if he can go to the washroom before going to work, which the forman agrees with happily.

An hour later he still hasn't reported to work, the foreman looks everywhere and ends up banging on the porta-john door. "Are you in there?"
"Yes, I'll just be a minute!"

A half hour later, the man still hasn't emerged.
again, the foreman knowcks, "hey man, are you sure you're okay in there?

"Oh it is really terrible but I think i am getting somewhere!"

after another half hour, the foreman just walks up and tears the door open, he finds the bum with a BIG stick down the hole stirring it up.

"What the **** are you doing?" he asked.

"Oh I dropped that new jacket you gave me and I think it is near the top now, if you get me a long wire I may be able to fish it out!"

The foreman just rolled his eyes and said "don't worry mate, we'll get you a new jacket, no big deal."

Bum says, "Yes I know but my lunch was in the pocket!"

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