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FRIDAY YUK!!!

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by oz_media

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well it's been a few weeks but just to get the ball rolling:Here's an OLD political joke BUSH vs Gore erection but somewhat fitting as the erection nears.

How the Grinch Stole Election Day

(With respects to Theodor S. Geisel)

Every Chad
Down in Chad-ville
Liked voting a lot ...
But the Grinch,
Who lived just north of Chad-ville
Did NOT!

The Grinch hated voting! He thought it a bore.
Now, please don't ask why. Could be Bush, could be Gore.
It could be his heart bled with liberal mush.
It could be, perhaps, that he listened to Rush.
But I think the real reason his trust was so shattered
Was the great Grinchy view that his vote never mattered.

BUT
Whatever the reason,
Lack of trust, lack of goals,
The Grinch dreaded that day when Chads went to the polls.
He just hated those speeches and negative ads,
And when push came to shove, he just hated the Chads.
He just hated their theme parks, their football-team rooters,
He just hated their gun laws, their barmaids at Hooters.
He just hated their weather, even hated their hate.
And he hated that they were a battleground state.

"So they're making their choices," he snarled with a sneer.
"This 'Decision Two Thousand' is practically here!
"They'll struggle to choose 'tween a crumb and a bum,
" 'Cause a voter's a voter, no matter how dumb."
Then he growled, his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep outcomes from coming!"

For tomorrow, he knew ...
All the flag-waving souls,
Would again waste their efforts on Clintons or Doles.
And by then, oh, the polls! Oh, the polls! Polls! Polls! Polls!
That's the one thing he hated! The POLLS! POLLS! POLLS! POLLS!

So the Chads, rich and poor, and by bus, car, or boat,
They would vote! And they'd vote!
And they'd VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!
They would vote to ban smoking or clearing your throat.
They would even vote laws in for curbing your goat.

And THEN ...
They'd sing that anthem. It always came later.
Be they Bush-ites or Gore-ites or ites of Ralph Nader.
They'd stand close together, and though still full of fight,
They'd stand and they'd sing, by that dawn's early light.

And the more the Grinch thought of Election Day's ring,
The more the Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
"Why, for two hundred years I've put up with it now!
"I MUST stop these outcomes from coming!
"... But HOW?"

Then he got an idea!
Yes, a legal idea!
THE GRINCH
GOT AN AWFUL BUT LEGAL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" The Grinch laughed with a jig.
And he wove from his goat a Sam Donaldson wig.
And into the mirror he spoke with grand rancor,
"With this helmet of hair, they'll all think I'm an anchor!"

"All I need are some ballots ..."
The Grinch looked around.
But since ballots were private, there were none to be found.
So he made his own ballot, printing letters quite little,
And he scattered the names, running holes down the middle,
And he stuck it together with Chad-berry spittle.
And he said, "They'll need Einstein to figure this riddle!"

THEN
He loaded his boxes, and without looking nervous
Put a sign on his van that said "Voter News Service."
THEN
The Grinch pulled away in his van with a screech
Toward the pads of the Chads in a place called "Palm Beach."

When he came to the first polling place in the square,
All the lines were quite long. Thoughtful talk filled the air,
As the Chads chatted merits of managed health care.
"Vote early and often," the Grinch said with a grin.
And he marched to the front of the line and stepped in.

There he left all his ballots, the strange ones with punches,
And instructions that said, "Please punch punches in bunches."
As he slunk out the door toward the nearest Grand Hyatt,
He could hear what you'd think was an Eli?n riot.
The Cohens?sisters Esther, Mitzi, and Shannon,
Just realized that their votes had all gone to Buchanan!

At a place in Dade County near a middle-school yard,
The Grinch donned a shirt that said, "Polling Place Guard."
And he eyeballed each Chad and said, "Where is your card?
"Voter card? Motor card? Credit card? Diner's?
"Face card? Race card? Baseball card? Shriners?"
And he turned them away. Then the Grinch, like a fox,
Stuffed all of his ballots and locked the lockbox!

Then old Grinch returned home to go "LIVE" on TV.
He had waited quite late: (It was now eight oh three.)
So the Grinch Network News first projected a score:
"Now with one percent in, we pick Chad-ville for GORE."
Every Gore-ite in Chad-ville said, "GIVE US SOME MORE!"

So he pulled more projections straight out of his stack.
Then, "Oh, dear!" said the Grinch, "I must take it all back!"
So the Grinch Network News, in grand fairness to all
Now reported that Chad-ville was "TOO CLOSE TO CALL."

"Don't be mad, all you Chads, for this isn't a scandal,
"It was just," the Grinch said, "we forgot the Panhandle.
"The science of sampling can leave one out-simpled."
So the Chads were left hanging and pregnant and dimpled.
And the stress of it all put George Bush among the pimpled!

Then the Grinch raised a finger for the night's final push.
"Election Day's done, and the winner is BUSH."
After all, George was leading at least by a dozen.
(And whenever it's close, always go with your cousin.)
"Play the music, the songs, pop the corks, sing the praises,
" 'Cause with Bush as the winner, you're all getting raises!"
And then the Grinch yawned, "This election stuff's hokey,
Good-bye 'till next year! And now back to you, Cokie."

And the Grinch, he went back to his old Grinchy pad.
But en route, he was nabbed by a little Chad lad
Who had stayed up all night (quite ignoring his dad).
He stared at the Grinch and said, "Sir, who's our leader?
"Is it Bush? Is it Gore? Or, my choice, Derek Jeter?"
And the Grinch simply smiled: This day couldn't be sweeter.

They were finding out now that no outcome was coming!
They were seeing it now, all their dumbness and dumbing.
"They're just waking up!" he said. "Here's what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"And the Chads down in Chad-ville will all cry, 'WE'LL SUE!' "

As he stared down at Chad-ville, the Grinch popped his eyes,
But the scene that he saw brought a shocking surprise.
All the Chads down in Chad-ville, Chad lads and Chad dads,
They were counting the votes, they were counting the chads!
He hadn't stopped an outcome from coming.
IT CAME!
SOMEHOW OR ANOTHER, IT CAME JUST THE SAME!

As the Grinch with his head buried deep in the sand
Sat puzzling and puzzling, "They will count them by hand?"
Yes, it came with the lawsuits, it came with the lawyers,
It came with Tim Russert, it came with Bill Moyers.
When the ballots were plucked and the counting was done
The last margin of victory turned out to be ... ONE!
And if the Grinch had just voted,
... HIS GUY WOULD HAVE WON!
And what happened then ...
Well ...
In Chad-ville they say
That the Grinch's small district
Grew three sizes that day.

'Cause the minute his mood had come out of its slump,
The Grinch said, "Hmm! I could be running this dump!"
So he formed a committee to do all the work
And he ...
HE HIMSELF!
The Grinch ran for town clerk!

21 replies

by oz_media

For those who thought the hardest part of Physics 101 was the constant conversion from MKS or CGS units to English units, here are some useful English system conversions:

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond
Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling
Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
1000 aches: 1 megahurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line (think about it for a moment)
453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake
1 million-million microphones: 1 megaphone
1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles
365.25 days: 1 unicycle
2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds (work on it....)
10 cards: 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen
1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
10 rations: 1 decoration
100 rations: 1 C-ration
2 monograms: 1 diagram
8 nickels: 2 paradigms
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League

by pgm554

A young couple met while working in a nuclear plant.

They fell in love and decided to get married.

The doctor at the plant said this might not be such a good idea to have kids because both of them had probably sustained genetic damage and the chances for birth defects was quite high.

But they loved each other and wanted to have children and so she became pregnant.

The husband is in the waiting room at the hospital, when a sullen faced nurse walked into the room.

Noticing the pained expression on the nurse, the husband asked if the child was deformed.

The nurse said ?Yes, and do you wish to see the child??

Upon agreeing to view the child, the nurse brought out the child wrapped in a blanket and opened it up to reveal just a very large eyeball.

Upon seeing this, the husband cried out ?My God,what could possibly be worse than this??

To which the nurse replied ?It?s blind!?

by hal 9000

Keep it up or I'll be forced to come over there and slap your wrists for being a "Naughty Little Boy"

Col

by oz_media

You mean we get to go for beers afterall?

That'd be something, don't forget to make room in your bag or Jules, and the odd Sheila if there's room, (or an normal one if you can't find any odd ones). Actually Jules can wait one out, if your luggage is full of girls, yeah just bring the gals. Sorry Julian, next time.

Have a good weekend,
OM

by 1stladytech

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way.... but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking for the highly prized shoes. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a decent price!"

The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, y'all just go and give it a try, why don'cha!"

The blonde turned on her heel and headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch herself an alligator .

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he spots a huge
9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature . . .and, with a great deal of effort, hauls it onto the slimy swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper stands on the bank and watches this scenario in amazed silence.

Just then, the blonde struggles and flips the gator on its back. Then, rolling her eyes heaven-ward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out, "D***, this one is barefoot, too!"

by hal 9000

Well a young blond convinv\ced that her husband was cheating on her goes out and buys a hand gun. The next day she arrives home early to find her husband in bed with her best friend. Shocked dhe pulls out the gun and holds it to her head upon which her husband shoots out of bed begging her not to shoot herself.

She just stares at him and then says SHUTUP your next and then I'm going to get rid of that bitch that is susposed to be my friend.

Col

by oz_media

What did the husband say when he saw his wife in bed with his best friend?

Bad dog, get off my pillow!

BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! :(

by sleepin'dawg

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The
animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to
figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be
covered up anyway;
it just wasn't worth it to try and retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him.
They all showed up grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.

At first, nothing happened then the donkey
realized what was happening and cried horribly.
Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down
the well.
He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that
hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on
top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up
over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt.
The trick to getting out of it is to shake it off and take a
step up.
Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the
deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up!
Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less

NOW -------- Enough of that crap . .

The donkey later came back and bit the shit out of the
farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected,
and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

THE MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:

When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass,
it always comes back in the end to bite you.
_____

by sleepin'dawg

Grandpa's Advice

I hope that this will once again confirm that the most important
information in your life won't come from a teacher, the library or the
internet, but from a mentor, and on a very personal level.

My long-passed grandfather's birthday is coming up, and for me it is a
time to reminisce. The long walks we used to take. The long drives, the
special trips he would make to pick me up so I could spend weekends with
him, and the advice he used to give! Much was wasted because I was young
when he died. If he were alive today and sharing his pearls of wisdom, I'd
be a better man.

Those gems were well and good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in
the crown of grandfatherly advice, came when I was only 12 . We were
sitting in a park, watching children and their mothers enjoying a
beautiful spring day.

He told me that one day, I'd find a woman and start my own family.
"And son," he said, "be sure you marry a woman with small hands."

"How come, Grandpa?" I asked.

"It makes your pecker look bigger."

...Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

by sleepin'dawg

A woman is walking down the street, headed to the bar where her very
large boyfriend is playing pool. A man approaches her and begins to
hit on her. "You look so good I could kiss you," he says.

She just walks a little faster, trying to ignore him. He continues
on after her, saying, "Your so fine, I could lick you all over."

Disgusted, she tells him that if he doesn't leave her alone she's
going to have her boyfriend, "take care of business." Yet, still he
continues on, "Girl, you are so fly I could fill your pussy up with
beer and drink it."

That was enough for her. She was now at the door of the bar where
her boyfriend was. She walked in, the man followed. Going over to
her boyfriend she begins, "That guy said he wanted to kiss me!"

"Oh really?" the boyfriend replies, as he begins to roll up his left
sleeve. "Yeah, and he also said that he wanted to lick me all over."

"Is that right?," as he begins rolling up his right sleave. "Did he
say anything else?" the boyfriend asks.

"Yes!, he said he wanted to fill my pussy up with beer and drink
it." At hearing this the boyfriend begins to roll down both sleeves.
"What are you doing?" the girl asks in astonishment.

The boyfriend replies, "I'm not about to mess with anybody who can
drink that much beer!"

by sleepin'dawg

Here's one to think of over lunch.....
In the beginning...God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower, and
spinach, with green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and
Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy
Kreme.

And Satan said: "You want hot fudge with that?"

And Man said: "Yes!"

And Woman said: "I'll have one too, with sprinkles."

And lo they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that
Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the
cane, and combined them.

And Woman went from size 2 to size 14.

So God said: "Try ! my fresh green garden salad."

And Satan presented crumbled Bleu Cheese dressing and garlic toast on the
side.

And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said: "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in
which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth deep-fried coconut shrimp, butter-dipped lobster
chunks, and chicken-fried steak--so big it needed its own platter.

And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with
potassium and good nutrition.

Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center
into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of
salt.

And Man put on more pounds.

God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those
extra pounds.

And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not
have to toil changing the channels.

And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and
started wearing stretch jogging suits.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still
satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double cheeseburger.

Then Satan said: "You want fries with that?"

And Man replied: "Yes! And super size 'em!"

And Satan said: "It is good."

And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed...and created quadruple by-pass surgery.

And then...Satan chuckled........ and created HMOs.

by sleepin'dawg

Her Side of the Story:

My husband was in an odd mood Saturday night.

We planned to meet at a cafe for a drink. I spent the afternoon
shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault
because I was a bit later than I promised, but he didn't say
anything much about it. I don't remember doing anything to make him
upset, but could tell there was something wrong.

The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off
to some place intimate so we could talk more privately.

We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I
was getting really worried, what did I do?
What was bothering him? Was he mad at me? I tried to cheer him up,
but started to wonder what was bothering him. Was it me or something
else? I asked him if he was upset with me, and he said no. But I
wasn't really sure.
So anyway, in the car on the way back home, I said that I loved him
deeply and he just put his arm around me.
I didn't know what the heck that meant because you know he didn't
say it back or anything.

We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to
leave me! So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the
TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to bed. Then after about
10 minutes, he joined me and to my surprise, we made love. But, he
still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to
confront him but I just cried myself to sleep. I just don't know
what to do anymore.
I mean, I really think he's seeing someone else.

His Side of the Story:
Played badly today --- shot 87 - - - can't putt for sh*t!.
Felt kinda tired.
Got laid though. ]:) ]:) :D :D

by sleepin'dawg

All right men , here is one for you. There've been tons of Men
Bashing jokes, so in the interest of fair play....

Q. Why did God give men penises ?
A. So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

Q. What's the difference between a paycheck and your dick?
A. You don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.

Q. How is a woman like a laxative ?
A. They both irritate the shit out of you.

Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.

Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Q. What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull?
A. Lipstick.

Q. Why do women have tits ?
A. So men will talk to them.

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a coffin ?
A. You come in one and go in the other.

Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex ?
A. They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.

Q. What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild?

A. Money.

Q. Why did the army send so many women with pms to the Persian Gulf?
A. They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.

Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job ?
A. After 5 years your job will still suck.

Q. What's the best thing about a blow job?
A. Ten minutes of silence. and finally...

Q. Why are hurricanes normally named after women ?
A. When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take
your house and car with them.

by sleepin'dawg

*Dang... It's Great to be a Man.

*Your last name stays put.

*The garage is all yours.

*Wedding plans take care of themselves.

*Chocolate is just another snack.

*You can be president.

*You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

*Car mechanics tell you the truth.

*You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

*The world is your urinal.

*You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's
just too "icky."

*Same work... more pay.

*Wrinkles add character.

*Wedding dress $5000; tux rental $100.

*People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

*The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

*New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

*One mood, ALL the dang time.

*Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

*You know stuff about tanks.

*A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

*You can open your own jars.

*Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.

*You can leave the motel bed unmade.

*You can kill your own food.

*You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

*If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still
be your friend.

*Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

*If you are 34 and single nobody notices.

*Every thing on your face stays its original color.

*Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

*You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.

*You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without
thinking, "He must be mad at me."

*You don't mooch off other's desserts.

*You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little
gift.

*You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

*You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a
bolt.

*You almost never have strap problems in public.

*You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

*The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

*You don't have to shave below your neck.

*Your belly usually hides your big hips.

*One wallet and one pair of shoes; one color, all seasons.

*You can do your nails with a pocketknife.

*You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

*You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th,
in 45 minutes.

by sleepin'dawg

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.

God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines -- one line for the
men that dominated their women on earth, and the other line for the men
who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with
St. Peter."

The next time God looked, the women are gone, and there are two lines. The
line for the men who were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and
in the line of men who dominated their women there was only one man.

God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created
you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates??? Look at the only
one of my sons who stood up and made me proud!!! Learn from him! Tell them,
my son, how you managed to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "I really don't know. This is where my wife told me to stand!!!"

by hal 9000

After all its far enough away from CA for my wid\fe to think it safe for me to go there and not come back with any hotup bits for either my VW or Ducati.

Now all I've got to do is get it past "She How Must Be Obeyed!"

Col

by oz_media

You'd like Holeshot in Vancouver, talk about a lot of bike bits and bobs.

I also have a few friends at a custom VW shop you'd probably never stop talking to. They both have older VW's from the late 40's -50's and run a repair/customization shop on the side.

Not to worry, you can drop a bunch of change on gear here too!

by sleepin'dawg

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the
animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is
punishable by death.

(Like THAT makes sense.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is
prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may
only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look any different reversed?)

*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also
applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered
with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick??.....ouch)

*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

(This is definitely much worse than "going blind!")

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and
deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for
the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for
virgins to marry.

(Let's just think for a minute: Is there any job anywhere else in the whole
wide world that even comes close to this?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous
husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on
the other hand, may be killed in any manner whatever.

(Ah! Justice!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical
fish stores.

(But of course!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the
first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the
act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman
and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one
exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in
places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the
premises."

(Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Who volunteers for this stuff anyway?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(Maybe that is why Flipper always seemed to be smiling?)

*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmm....I don't think I'll touch THAT one!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight
and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of...? -- Does the govt. pay for this type of
research??)
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Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Ah, geez. Gives new meaning to toe jam.)

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An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know people like that.)

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Starfish don't have brains.

(I know people like that too)

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And, the best for last..... Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(That must explain their bad breath. Who does research on this stuff????) :D :D

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