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Friday Yuk

By Oz_Media ·
YAY it's Friday!!

Doctor, Doctor

Doctor, doctor, my wooden leg is giving
me a lot of pain.
Why's that?
My wife keeps hitting me over the head with it.

Doctor, doctor, my hair's coming out. Can
you give me something to keep it in?
Certainly - how about a paper bag?

Doctor, doctor, people keep ignoring me.
Next, please!

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains.
Pull yourself together!

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a bridge.
What's come over you?
Two cars and a bus!

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a spoon.
Sit there and don't stir.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a billiard ball.
Get back in the queue.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a pack of cards.
I'll deal with you later.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking there's two of me.
One at a time, please.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Lie down on the couch and I'll examine you.
I can't. I'm not allowed on the furniture.

Doctor, doctor, I've lost my memory.
When did it happen?
When did what happen?

Doctor, doctor, my little boy's swallowed
a bullet. What shall I do?
Well, for a start, don't point him at me.

have a good one all.

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Thanks for the chuckles

by jmottl In reply to Friday Yuk

Hey Oz,
The funnies--that dog one especially--were just what I needed on this Friday. Hope you have a great weekend,
Judy Mottl
Senior Editor, TechRepublic

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My absolute pleasure Judy

by Oz_Media In reply to Thanks for the chuckles

I love a YUK on a Friday (Sat-Thurs too).

I thought the memory one was cute.

Have a good weekend and try not to work too hard!


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The French get credit for everything ...

by jardinier In reply to Friday Yuk

relating to love-making.

1. French letter
2. French kiss
3. French love (soixante-neuf)
4. French window -- for the lover to make a speedy exit when hubby's car is heard on the driveway.

What is the up-side of Alzheimer's disease?
You get to meet new people every day. (My apologies to any TR members who may have already started to lose the plot).

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And here are a couple more ..

by jardinier In reply to Friday Yuk


Actual Announcements Taken From U.S. Church Bulletins.

1) Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
2) Thursday night - potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
3) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
5) The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
6) This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptised at both ends.
7) Tuesday at 4pm there will be an icecream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
9) Thursday at 5pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.
10) This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
11) The service will close with "Little Drops Of Water". One of the ladies will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join in.
12) Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.


An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right), an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets. The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"
The elderly woman replied, "Well, I'll bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square." The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?" "Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square."
"Done", the elderly woman answered "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness." "No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.
The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly. The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"

[Incidentally I think that the latter of these jokes was sent to me by Kay Rouse -- she certainly is a cool Christian.]

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Not bad

by Oz_Media In reply to And here are a couple mor ...

The first one I'd seen but the second I hadn't. I think it's a different spin on a similar story about a guy who pees all over a bar, yours was better than the bar joke though.:-).

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