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Friday Yuk

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by oz_media

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Ok I know it's almost over, but I've been too busy and Guru is on hiatus I think.

Anyhow, oldie but I just heard it again the other day.

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"My God!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"

Have a great weekend everyone!!! :-)

12 replies

by mrafrohead

I found it lying next to the door, and it fit me perfectly.

Sorry, but I just couldn't resist ;p

Mrafrohead

by onbliss

...the blood dripping from the watch. We will charge you $$$, but you get a free watch for your other wrist.

Could'nt resist either....

by oz_media

You can send the Rolex to me and I'll have it cleaned for free. I'll send it back when it's ready okay? I give you my word! (tee hee, MY word)
OM

by oz_media

I just want the watch in my hands, you'll get it back, probably, perhaps, ok no I wouldn't give it back. MINE MINE AAAAALLL MINE!!

by jardinier

THE ATTORNEY AND THE POLICEMAN
A true story: If you ever testified in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this Cop. A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this:

Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.
Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer, do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

by jardinier

but I was having a chat over coffee with a retired real estate agent. He assured me that lawyers were positioned well below estate agents in terms of honesty and integrity.

by oz_media

Be nice, I have extremely successful lawyers in my family.

As a whole they're are a shifty bunch though, Actually you may have heard about the survey where GWB was situated lower on the national 'trust' level than used car salesmen, if not let me know I'll email it to you.

by jardinier

There are a few lawyers in my family too. My favourite first cousin was married to a barrister who, tragically, was diagnosed as having cancer when it was too late to treat it. He fell under a train at his local railway station. The police said it was an accident, which it may have been, but on the other hand they may have said this out of tact because he was a Roman Catholic.

I have done gardening work for a number of lawyers because, as they invariably work long hours -- 12 hours per day, 5 days a week -- the last thing they want to do in the weekend is tend to the garden. All these people for whom I have worked have been very nice.

I was also lucky in selecting a solicitor to handle the sale of my mother's house, and the purchase of my apartment, who was particularly helpful, honest and charged moderately. Even as I was signing the contract he said: "Don't believe anything an estate agent tells you."

He has moved away from the area and I have contacted a very cool lawyer in my suburb.

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