Friday Yuk

An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.
"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.
"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know I live by the railway, well on my way home last night I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway to cut a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top!"
"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky guy. Was she pretty?"
"Dunno... never found the head!"

then ...

"A Mother had 3 virgin daughters.
They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: "Nescafe"!
Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar.
It said: "Good till the last drop?.
Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Rothmans"
Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the pack: "Extra Long. King Size"
She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in Cape Town. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "South African Airways".
Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for SAA.
The ad said: "Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways."

That's it folks :))

but a 'play' on spam...if only it really was 'for real'!!!

----- ------ ------ ------ ------ ------

As opposed to normal chain letters/pyramid schemes, this one costs nothing, and you can only win!!

Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your friends who are just as virile as you. Then:

INSTRUCTIONS:

Anaesthetise your wife/girlfriend, put her in a large carton (don't forget some ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top of your list. Add your name to the list and delete the top name before forwarding. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list and you will receive 823,542 women through the post.

Statistically, among those women, will be at least:

0.5 Miss Worlds,
2.5 models
463 wild nymphos
3,234 good-looking nymphos
20,198 who enjoy multiple orgasms and
40,198 bisexual women.

In total, that is 64,294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited, and tastier than the grumpy old bag you posted off. And, best of all, your original package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come back to you.

DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER

One bloke for example who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of his friends got his original bird back, still in the old dressing gown he sent her off in, with the same old migraine attack, and the same accusatorial expression on her face. On the same day, the international supermodel he'd been living with since he sent off his old girlfriend moved out to live with his best friend (to whom he had not sent the chain letter).
While I am sending this letter, the bloke that is in 6th place above me has already received 837 women and is lying in hospital suffering from exhaustion. Outside his ward are 452 more packages.

YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS E-MAIL

This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally satisfying sex life. No expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations about trivialities (that only interest women) just so that you can screw her. No obligations, no grumpy mother-in-law, and no unpleasant surprises like marriage or engagement.

Do not hesitate........send this letter today to 9 of your best friends.

PS. - Even when you have no girlfriend, you can send your vacuum cleaner.
PPS. - This letter can also be copied to women you know so that they can prepare themselves for the great adventure that they may soon undertake.