Friday Yuk

Oh well,
I was hoping that if I descended a few more levels, that the pain in my brain would not be as noticeable due to the extreme heat. But I see that I am wrong on that one :(

Maybe I am just too old to be learning this kind of stuff for the first time, as I think I pulled a muscle IN MY BRAIN and it actually HURTS to think of more problems to solve.

But, I guess when one kills off too many brain cells, that they all just try to tug on one to gain control of a single thought process! This must be causing the strain...

have legs long enough that we don't need a stool! :D

Although a stool does help keep the veg from banging on the counter top! :^0 ]:)

Edited to make it more so

The math professor just accepted a new position at a university in another city and has to move. He and his wife pack all their belongings into cardboard boxes and have them shipped off to their new home. To sort out some family matters, the wife stays behind for a few more days while her husband has already left for their new residence.
The boxes arrive when the wife still hasn't rejoined her husband. When they talk on the phone in the evening, she asks him to count the boxes, just to make sure the movers didn't loose any of them.
"Thirty nine boxes altogether", says the prof on the phone.
"That can't be", the wife exclaims. "The movers picked up forty boxes at our old place."
The prof counts once again, but again his count only reaches 39.
The next morning, the wife calls the moving company and complains. The company promises to check; a few hours later, someone calls back and reports that all forty boxes did arrive.
In the evening, when the prof and his wife are on the phone again, she asks: "I don't understand it. When you count, you get 39, and when they do, they get 40. That's more than strange..."
"Well", the prof says. "This is a cordless phone, so you can stay on the line and count with me: zero, one, two, three,..."

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New York (CNN). At John F. Kennedy International Airport today, a Caucasian male (later discovered to be a high school mathematics teacher) was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor and a graphical calculator.
According to law enforcement officials, he is believed to have ties to the Al-Gebra network. He will be charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

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"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague. "Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete the test. Write your answers in the spaces provided. Are you ready ? What is the time?

Start.

1) Some months have 30 days,some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________

2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________

3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? ____________________

4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?____________________

5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? ___________________

6) If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light first? ____________________

7) A man builds a house with four sides of rectangular construction, each side having a southern exposure. A big bear comes along. What color is the bear? ____________________

8) Take 2 apples from 3 apples. What do you have? ___________________

9) How many animals of each species did Moses take with him in the Ark? ____________________

10) If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from Chicago and stopped at Pittsburg to pick up 7 more people and drop off 5 passengers and at Cleveland to drop off 8 passengers and pick up 4 more and eventually arrive at Philadelphia 20 hours later, what's the name of the driver? ____________________

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?
Let's find out just how clever you really are.

Ready? GO!!! (Scroll down)

First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Answer: If you answered that you are first, and then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second! Try not to screw up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, and then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this! Are you?

Third Question:
Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only.

Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10. What is the total?

Scroll down for answer.

Did you get 5000?
The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?

Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Answer: Nunu?

NO! Of course not.

Her name is Mary. Read the question again

Okay, now the bonus round:
There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?

He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.

You know that your plan failed :p

Your just so upset that you failed that your trying to turn everyone else against me :p

Dave have you missed me that much :p

What I wanna know is which one am i? Dipsy or Lala? Mind you I'm a bit Dipsy so i suppose i dont need to ask ;)

If that's how it sounded, it's not what I meant.

:x :x :x :x

Backl with a vengance :D

And I just got online at home too :D

But, you are obviously not her. You have cracked her PW and are now trying to pass yourself off as our beloved Steffi.

But, we saw through this feeble attempt very quickly. Besides, Cheeky Bugger is not in Steffi's vocabulary.

We already (Hal and I) know that Steffi is no more... And even if she was, she is not due back for another week and half.
Not to mention, that this troll seems to think that Steffi has only been gone for a month, but it is almost 2 months.

C'mon, open the eyes and see that this is a 'Steffi Hoax' by some deeply disturbed individual that gets off by posting under someone elses name (Like TT but worse).

Another success, keep up the good work Tig, I'm proud of you for completing it again :D

And don't worry I have to slap Palmetto I've missed doing that :D

I don't know who took this but it is a funny picture. I hope you can see it.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/63645306@N00/265753160/

With all of that fertile DE planting and you only got me on "harlot"? Didn't I try hard enough? :p

I have been feeling bad not visiting so often. I have a new job that I actually enjoy doing so I don't surf at work anymore. During my last 3 months at the last job they barely had anything to keep me busy for half of the day and most of that I had to make up myself to keep my little remaining self respect.

Of course, that was leading up to what was left of my job being moved to India.

No, dearest, I couldn't leave youse guys all without the occasional visit. Glad to still feel wanted, and not on a poster!

I had a Calculus professor who would often make joke-letts in class like "Don't hesitate, differentiate!"

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An accounting professor had one joke that he told the first day of class... every semester, the same joke. You don't want to know, the punchline was about debits and credits.

Currently the UK is sitting on the Equator and Shelly is in the process of boiling down to nothing more than a ripple on the floor of Dublin. Steffi is dead and has been for several months. :p

Now just who are you trying to kid? :0

Col ]:)

ok, you're sorta fourgived.

That said, I just screenshotted your admission and am holding it ransom.....

so c'mon, grovel some more...

are you STILL behind the sofa??

GG

:x

300-miles today, from Myrtle Beach, SC to Augusta, GA and then home. Even at 80 mph, that's a lot of driving! And I fixed stuff too!

Edit: Ahh! Single malt...