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Friday yuk--a bit late

By jsexton9 ·
I sat wondering why there was no "Friday yuk" this Friday. I figured too many people probably got a head start on the weekend, or that it was my turn. To cover both eventualities (assuming the weekend means a lot of drinking to many), here's my contribution to the cause:

5 LEVELS OF A HANGOVER

One Star Hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 Cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.


Two Star Hangover (**)

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.


Three Star Hangover (***)

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke -- yet you haven't peed once.


Four Star Hangover (****)

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.


Five Star Hangover (*****)

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the **** the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning.. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ***. Death sounds pretty good about right now....


THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably

Innovative

Preliminary

Proliferation

Cinnamon


THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity

British Constitution

Passive-aggressive disorder

Loquacious

Transubstantiate


THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

Nope, no more booze for me.

Sorry, but you're not really my type.

Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.

Oh, I just couldn't.

No one wants to hear me sing.

Sorry I'm being such a jackass

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Wierd

by stargazerr In reply to Friday yuk--a bit late

I was about to post that same joke in ths week's Friday Yuk .. I mean the one thats gone.

http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=8&threadID=192906&start=0

]:)

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That is where contact lists come in

by jdclyde In reply to Friday yuk--a bit late

looking at the "new" or "hot" list doesn't always get you to where you want to be.

I personally use the "posts by my contacts" list more than any other feature on TR.


Nope, no more booze for me, until the next time.... ;\

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by jsexton9 In reply to That is where contact lis ...

suum cuique

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Ralph Waldo Emerson - Suum Cuique

by ImTrubl In reply to Friday yuk--a bit late

The rain has spoiled the farmer's day;
Shall sorrow put my books away?
Thereby are two days lost:
Nature shall mind her own affairs,
I will attend my proper cares,
In rain, or sun, or frost.

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