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  • #2285187

    Friday Yuk (and you thought I forgot)


    by oz_media

    Now all in fun, even Republicans can have a giggle here.

    Sorry Colin, I didn’t check to see if anyone else had posted yet. ooooops.


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    • #3311426

      Er, um ….

      by jardinier

      In reply to Friday Yuk (and you thought I forgot)

      I scored 4. Does that qualify me to engage in er, um, unintelligible conversation with Mr Bush?

      Or, um ….. inappropriate pubic relations?
      No, that doesn’t sound right either.

      I guess yawl gonna hafta figger out for yerselves the point I am tryin’ to make.

    • #3311422
      Avatar photo

      Naught boy OZ

      by hal 9000

      In reply to Friday Yuk (and you thought I forgot)

      But to be fair I do have an unfair advantage as far as time goes something like 20 hours ahead of our US cousins and maybe a bit more depending on where you actually are.

      Oh by the way I got a score of 6 and then missed every one after that because I was laughing too much to concentrate after I heard the message about the OBGN’s not being able to make love to all the women who required them.

      Incidentally OZ I notice that you didn’t post your score! What was it?


      • #3311353

        I scored a few 5’s and a 7

        by oz_media

        In reply to Naught boy OZ

        Then got bored. 馃檪

      • #3311307

        what u up 2 naughty dude?

        by neby

        In reply to Naught boy OZ

        well how old r u? i am 22

    • #3311413

      Conversion Table

      by mlandis

      In reply to Friday Yuk (and you thought I forgot)

      Coversion Table

      Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

      2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

      1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

      Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

      Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

      Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

      16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

      Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon

      1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

      Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

      Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line

      453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

      1 million- microphones = 1 megaphone

      2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles

      365.25 days = 1 unicycle

      2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

      52 cards = 1 decacards

      1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton

      1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen

      1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

      1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

      10 rations = 1 decoration

      100 rations = 1 C-ration

      2 monograms = 1 diagram

      4 nickels = 2 paradigms

      2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League

      100 Senators = Not 1 decision

      The frame of reference is American. Any questions, please ask.

      • #3183879

        One Minor correction

        by montgomery gator

        In reply to Conversion Table

        mlandis wrote:
        “1 million- microphones = 1 megaphone”
        1 million microphones = 1 phone
        1 million phones = 1 megaphone

        1 x 10^12 (or 1 million * 1 million) microphones = 1 megaphone

        Now if you are talking about Francophones, the conversion is different, especially since France converted from the Franc to the Euro, which complicates the exchange rate.

    • #3311410

      What a difference 30 Years makes!

      by mlandis

      In reply to Friday Yuk (and you thought I forgot)

      30 Years Difference

      1974: Long hair
      2004: Longing for hair

      1974: The perfect high
      2004: The perfect high yield mutual fund

      1974: KEG
      2004: EKG

      1974: Acid rock
      2004: Acid reflux

      1974: Moving to California because it’s cool
      2004: Moving to California because it’s warm

      1974: Growing pot
      2004: Growing pot belly

      1974: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
      2002: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

      1974: Seeds and stems
      2004: Roughage

      1974: Killer weed
      2004: Weed killer

      1974: Hoping for a BMW
      2004: Hoping for a BM

      1974: The Grateful Dead
      2004: Dr. Kevorkian

      1974: Going to a new, hip joint
      2004: Receiving a new hip joint

      1974: Rolling Stones
      2004: Kidney Stones

      1974: Being called into the principal’s office
      2004: Calling the principal’s office

      1974: Screw the system
      2004: Upgrade the system

      1974: Disco
      2004: Costco (A warehouse type store)

      1974: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
      2004: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

      1974: Passing the driver’s test
      2004: Passing the vision test

      1974: Whatever
      2004: Depends (an brand of incontinent pad/diaper)

      Just in case you weren’t feeling too old today, this will certainly change things:

      The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1986.

      They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

      Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

      Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.

      The CD was introduced the year they were born.

      They have always had an answering machine.

      They have always had cable.

      They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

      Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

      Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.

      They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

      They can’t imagine what hard contact lenses are!

      They don’t know who Mork was or where he was from.

      They never heard: “Where’s the Beef?”, “I’d walk a mile for a Camel”, or “de plane, Boss, de plane”.

      They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.

      McDonald’s never came in Styrofoam containers.

      They don’t have a clue how to use a typewriter.

      Do you feel old yet?

      Pass this on to the other old fogies in your life.

      And don’t forget the youngins so they can see what the stone age was like.

      • #3311356
        Avatar photo

        Well there is one more

        by hal 9000

        In reply to What a difference 30 Years makes!

        I had a young girl tell me this one which took a long time to realize what she meant.

        She asked me “Did I know that Paul McCarthy was in a band before he was in Wings?”

        Me being the old foggy that I am always thought that Wings came after the Beatles not that there was something before Wings.


      • #3311333

        You know..

        by maecuff

        In reply to What a difference 30 Years makes!

        I could make all kinds of comments, but Oz would just give me sh*t and say I’m whining about how old I am.

        • #3311317

          Hey Mae! I’m 20 years old

          by mlandis

          In reply to You know..

          with 29 years of experience.

          That’s one way to look at our experience!


        • #3311213


          by maecuff

          In reply to Hey Mae! I’m 20 years old

          That’s a good way of looking at it. 20 with 29 years of experience, you must do 20 better than all those young girls who still don’t understand that gravity matters. Of course, with a little effort, well placed mirrors and dry ice, gravity can kiss my ass..

        • #3312206
          Avatar photo


          by hal 9000

          In reply to Damn

          I love your answer it’s brilliant.


        • #3312205

          String theory!

          by mlandis

          In reply to Damn

          We are not only pulled on by the earth, but pressed on by the universe! Gravity does kiss ass – it has to!


          P.S. I do lots of numbers better than 20 year olds.

      • #3311315

        Maureen, you’re so cool ….

        by jardinier

        In reply to What a difference 30 Years makes!

        I will pay you the ultimate compliment (that exists in my personal vocabulary) ….

        You’re my kinda guy ! [I always affectionately address groups of people, of either gender or mixed, as “guys.]


        1. Radios were built with vacuum tubes.

        2. Radio broadcasts ended at 11 pm.

        3. There were no Walkmans.

        4. There was no TV.

        5. There were no computers.

        6. Kids read comic books.

        7. Kids played cowboys and Indians instead of “Wow ! Zap !” violent computer games.

        8. Milk, fresh from the cow, was delivered daily. It was not pasteurised, homogenised, sanitised, sterilised. And NONE of us caught nasty germs from it.

        9. We kept fowls in the back yard to provide a steady supply of “free range” eggs.

        10. A lot of our vegetables and fruit were grown at home.

        11. Boys were boys and girls were girls and it was easy to differentiate between them by their clothing and hair styles.

        12. Sex was evil and unhygenic. [When myself and the girl next door, aged 10 and 7 respectively, decided to “have a look” at each other, she subsequently rode her tricycle around the yard knickerless. I SINCERELY believed that if I rode on that same tricycle I would catch some awful disease.]

        13. Sex before marriage was a no-no. My fiancee, against my wishes, had one surgical and two chemical abortions rather than face the wrath of her father.

        14. We never DREAMT of answering back to our parents or teachers.

        15. If we wanted to see a movie, we had to go to the cinema.

        16. There were no doubt some illicit drugs around, but these were only known to some esoteric minority.

        17. We sincerely believed that all politicians, clergymen, policemen and others in public office were totally honest.

        18. We did not know the “F” word.

        19. We built cubby houses or tree houses.

        20. We were sublimely ignorant of all the ills, wars and injustices in the world.

        Ah, those halcyon days …. if only ….

        • #3311287

          Vacuum tubes!

          by mlandis

          In reply to Maureen, you’re so cool ….

          Thanks for the compliment.

          One of the guys we know is ever in search of vacuum tubes for his varied and sundry needs.

          I grew up in New York City, but in the more rural areas of the country, TV and Radio did stop broadcasting around midnight.

          and 17? It was nice to have that belief, but if you were one of the kids abused by such a universally respected person, you had nowhere to turn, and no one to help you.

          My mother enjoys telling the kids of milking the cows and churning butter – she is 73 and grew up on a farm in Ireland.

          I am sorry about no. 13 – kids today do have better access to birth control and information. That had to be very hard for you and for her. I am sorry that you had to go through that, and that it still pains you. We can discuss this another time, if you wish. I had no choice in 2 very wanted pregnancies – the children would not have survived outside the womb, and it still hurts. What if, what if, what if…

          Gotta go for now


    • #3184001


      by alok

      In reply to Friday Yuk (and you thought I forgot)

      anybody here for a friendship …with a mangalore…

      • #3183869

        We’re all friends

        by oz_media

        In reply to hi

        For the most part, we ae all friends here.

        If you are wondering if people are here to form relationhsips, this is not a dating service.

        • #3183868


          by jck

          In reply to We’re all friends

          can’t sell yourself here.

          Even tho I try…being the swill that I am ]:)

        • #3183815

          Oh man..

          by maecuff

          In reply to We’re all friends

          THAT’s why I’ve been posting here for so long without a date. And I thought it was just me.

        • #3183813


          by jck

          In reply to Oh man..

          I haven’t had a real girlfriend since before Clinton became president.

          Oh well…don’t feel alone.

          BTW…did I mention I’m jdclyde will be legally single in about a year?

          go get him…hahahahaha 馃榾

          BTW…can anyone tell me why married people (who have the financial means to buy them) don’t wear wedding bands when they’re not swingers?

          Baffles me…guess I’m too traditional

        • #3183802

          About Wedding Bands

          by dmambo

          In reply to hehehe

          I had a boss once who told his wife immediately after his honeymoon that he could not wear his wedding ring because it might get caught in macinery at work. I guess he was afraid of getting it caught in the keyboard. 馃檪

          I really believe he didn’t wear it so he wouldn’t advertise that he was married. Keeping his options open, I guess

        • #3185194

          I just don’t get it

          by jck

          In reply to About Wedding Bands

          sure, I could understand if it endangered you that you take it off at work.

          When I get married, I want everyone to know I’m married. I’ll be proud of my wife. Not wanting her just because she’s a trophy or a social statement about my manhood.

          Christ…that’s really what’s wrong with the world…everyone doing everything…mostly for the wrong reasons.

        • #3185190

          It’s all about #1

          by dmambo

          In reply to I just don’t get it

          What so many think is that NOTHIING is more important than their own happiness. The day I found out my wife was pregnant with our first, I decided for myself that from that point forward, my life was secondary to my new family. If people don’t allow their spouses and children to change who they are, then they really shouldn’t merge their life with someone else’s. I see it all the time in marriages that fail. One or both decides that they need something more than what they have to be fulfilled. If they would re-examine it and decide that the FAMILY needs something more, then we’d be better off as a society.

          I’ll climb down from the soapbox now.

          (How the hell does this fit into a Friday Yuk?????)

        • #3185170

          I completely ruined my first ring

          by jdclyde

          In reply to About Wedding Bands

          wearing it to work. I was a shop rat and to ruin a gold band takes quite a bit. So I had to get a new one. Now I have two and haven’t worn either in over three years.

          I think more people (guys) put ON a ring to get women then the other way around. After all, everyone knows women ONLY want what they can’t have! EVERYONE knows that! ;\

        • #3185155

          Wedding bands

          by oz_media

          In reply to hehehe

          I couldn’t wear one because I was into mechanical, machining and welding trades, and it’s pretty dangerous to have any rings on.

          I used to wear both fists full of gold (plated)’heavy metal’ style rings though. I was allergic to those silver/nickle ones they sell streetside, so I had to save up and get them made by a jewler friend instead. After having some ‘problems’, as an agnst ridden and aggressive young man, I wasbeen kindly spoken to by the BC courts and told quite clearly that I am not to wear such rings anymore, just a wedding band.

          At least I get an all over hand tan.

        • #3185161

          No, Maecuff

          by oz_media

          In reply to Oh man..

          It’s definitely the picture you use as your avatar. How do you function with no eyes, ears or mouth? Glad it’s not a full body shot, I’d feel compelled to send money to some limbless hermaphrodite in the USA! :O

          I find a lot of TR’s peers all look the same. Just a grey bunch of faceless people.

        • #3185154

          Funny you should say that..

          by maecuff

          In reply to No, Maecuff

          Just today, at lunch, my husband told me that I’d be a lot easier to get along with if I had no arms or legs. He’s a demented man..

      • #3183861

        Dude we don’t mean THAT kind of a Republic..:)

        by tomsal

        In reply to hi


        But yeah you know I don’t really have a lot of real, true, honest to god friends. (Don’t tear up, I don’t…I’m all about quality and not quantity — that and I kind of like being a semi-loner Sure I have the acquaintences that everyone has and some call friends — “Yeah I have like 400 friends…” you really don’t…how to prove that point — Get in a really critical situation in your life, one that is not glamorius or fun in any remote way whatsoever, or fall on hard times financial/physically then ask your “400 friends” for help…you’ll see real quick who is left standing by you.

        But I digress (bitter? Party of one? Your DAMN….j/k )

        Anyway….dude…in all my years I’ve NEVER walked up to someone and said “Can you be my friend?”.

        Somethings in life just happen through natural course of time and how you deal with people…but you don’t just say “be my friend”.

        And finally….yeah we are buds here — in the virutal get pissed off at each in our posts, with colossal disagreements to the point you can picture the person seething with hatred as blood trickles down their ear all the while their face twitching ever so slightly kind of way…….oh but we tell jokes sometimes to and support each other through our posts..

        but yeah we are like friends..;)


        • #3185183

          Kind of like family

          by jdclyde

          In reply to Dude we don’t mean THAT kind of a Republic..:)

          After all, who would treat you so badly but a big brother or sister?

          But just let someone ELSE beat on you and they will answer to ME! :^)

          A proud moment for me was when a punk started pushing one of my boys around (the smaller of the two) and Thing One got right in his face and told him that if he messed with his brother he was mess with him. He was informed by me that they would NEVER get in trouble at home for standing up for each other.

      • #3183837

        Stay away from JCK

        by dmambo

        In reply to hi

        But don’t tell him you heard that from me!!!

        • #3185182


          by jdclyde

          In reply to Stay away from JCK

          the swill is all knowing and all seeing.

        • #3185179


          by dmambo

          In reply to Beware

          As long as we don’t have to see him, that’s the important thing!!!!!!!! :^O

        • #3185169

          He’s too busy with his beer kit

          by jdclyde

          In reply to All-Seeing??

          to notice right now, so we may be safe! ;\

          It all depends on how long it takes for the first batch to process and how much Guiness he consumes while he is waiting for it!

        • #3185160

          I’m all-seeing…

          by jck

          In reply to All-Seeing??

          long as I got my contacts in! 馃榾

        • #3185150

          You’re funny

          by oz_media

          In reply to Stay away from JCK

          Just browsing titles and I run into this little ‘I need a date’ thread, cyber sex anyone?

          Then I see your post, when JCK hasn’t even replied at this point…Stay away from JCK. 馃榾

          I’m still laughing, that’s funny for some reason…thanks, needed that. 馃檪

          I think it was the dry,cold, simplicity of the title, well done.

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