Friday Yuk (and you thought I forgot)

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Now all in fun, even Republicans can have a giggle here.

http://www.imgag.com/product/full/ap/3067907/graphic1.swf

Sorry Colin, I didn’t check to see if anyone else had posted yet. ooooops.

POST YOUR SCORE!

Topic

Er, um ….

In reply to Friday Yuk (and you thought I forgot)

I scored 4. Does that qualify me to engage in er, um, unintelligible conversation with Mr Bush?

Or, um ….. inappropriate pubic relations?
No, that doesn’t sound right either.

I guess yawl gonna hafta figger out for yerselves the point I am tryin’ to make.

Naught boy OZ

In reply to Friday Yuk (and you thought I forgot)

But to be fair I do have an unfair advantage as far as time goes something like 20 hours ahead of our US cousins and maybe a bit more depending on where you actually are.

Oh by the way I got a score of 6 and then missed every one after that because I was laughing too much to concentrate after I heard the message about the OBGN’s not being able to make love to all the women who required them.

Incidentally OZ I notice that you didn’t post your score! What was it?

Col

I scored a few 5’s and a 7

In reply to Naught boy OZ

Then got bored. 🙂

what u up 2 naughty dude?

In reply to Naught boy OZ

well how old r u? i am 22

Conversion Table

In reply to Friday Yuk (and you thought I forgot)

Coversion Table

Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon

1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line

453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

1 million- microphones = 1 megaphone

2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles

365.25 days = 1 unicycle

2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

52 cards = 1 decacards

1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton

1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen

1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

10 rations = 1 decoration

100 rations = 1 C-ration

2 monograms = 1 diagram

4 nickels = 2 paradigms

2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League

100 Senators = Not 1 decision

The frame of reference is American. Any questions, please ask.

One Minor correction

In reply to Conversion Table

mlandis wrote:
“1 million- microphones = 1 megaphone”
….
Actually:
1 million microphones = 1 phone
1 million phones = 1 megaphone

Therefore:
1 x 10^12 (or 1 million * 1 million) microphones = 1 megaphone

Now if you are talking about Francophones, the conversion is different, especially since France converted from the Franc to the Euro, which complicates the exchange rate.

What a difference 30 Years makes!

In reply to Friday Yuk (and you thought I forgot)

30 Years Difference

1974: Long hair
2004: Longing for hair

1974: The perfect high
2004: The perfect high yield mutual fund

1974: KEG
2004: EKG

1974: Acid rock
2004: Acid reflux

1974: Moving to California because it’s cool
2004: Moving to California because it’s warm

1974: Growing pot
2004: Growing pot belly

1974: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2002: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1974: Seeds and stems
2004: Roughage

1974: Killer weed
2004: Weed killer

1974: Hoping for a BMW
2004: Hoping for a BM

1974: The Grateful Dead
2004: Dr. Kevorkian

1974: Going to a new, hip joint
2004: Receiving a new hip joint

1974: Rolling Stones
2004: Kidney Stones

1974: Being called into the principal’s office
2004: Calling the principal’s office

1974: Screw the system
2004: Upgrade the system

1974: Disco
2004: Costco (A warehouse type store)

1974: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2004: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1974: Passing the driver’s test
2004: Passing the vision test

1974: Whatever
2004: Depends (an brand of incontinent pad/diaper)

Just in case you weren’t feeling too old today, this will certainly change things:

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1986.

They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.

The CD was introduced the year they were born.

They have always had an answering machine.

They have always had cable.

They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

They can’t imagine what hard contact lenses are!

They don’t know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard: “Where’s the Beef?”, “I’d walk a mile for a Camel”, or “de plane, Boss, de plane”.

They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.

McDonald’s never came in Styrofoam containers.

They don’t have a clue how to use a typewriter.

Do you feel old yet?

Pass this on to the other old fogies in your life.

And don’t forget the youngins so they can see what the stone age was like.

Well there is one more

In reply to What a difference 30 Years makes!

I had a young girl tell me this one which took a long time to realize what she meant.

She asked me “Did I know that Paul McCarthy was in a band before he was in Wings?”

Me being the old foggy that I am always thought that Wings came after the Beatles not that there was something before Wings.

Col

You know..

In reply to What a difference 30 Years makes!

I could make all kinds of comments, but Oz would just give me sh*t and say I’m whining about how old I am.

Hey Mae! I’m 20 years old

In reply to You know..

with 29 years of experience.

That’s one way to look at our experience!

Maureen

Damn

In reply to Hey Mae! I’m 20 years old

That’s a good way of looking at it. 20 with 29 years of experience, you must do 20 better than all those young girls who still don’t understand that gravity matters. Of course, with a little effort, well placed mirrors and dry ice, gravity can kiss my ass..

Mae

In reply to Damn

I love your answer it’s brilliant.

Col

String theory!

In reply to Damn

We are not only pulled on by the earth, but pressed on by the universe! Gravity does kiss ass – it has to!

Maureen

P.S. I do lots of numbers better than 20 year olds.

Maureen, you’re so cool ….

In reply to What a difference 30 Years makes!

I will pay you the ultimate compliment (that exists in my personal vocabulary) ….

You’re my kinda guy ! [I always affectionately address groups of people, of either gender or mixed, as “guys.]

WHEN I WAS YOUNG:

1. Radios were built with vacuum tubes.

2. Radio broadcasts ended at 11 pm.

3. There were no Walkmans.

4. There was no TV.

5. There were no computers.

6. Kids read comic books.

7. Kids played cowboys and Indians instead of “Wow ! Zap !” violent computer games.

8. Milk, fresh from the cow, was delivered daily. It was not pasteurised, homogenised, sanitised, sterilised. And NONE of us caught nasty germs from it.

9. We kept fowls in the back yard to provide a steady supply of “free range” eggs.

10. A lot of our vegetables and fruit were grown at home.

11. Boys were boys and girls were girls and it was easy to differentiate between them by their clothing and hair styles.

12. Sex was evil and unhygenic. [When myself and the girl next door, aged 10 and 7 respectively, decided to “have a look” at each other, she subsequently rode her tricycle around the yard knickerless. I SINCERELY believed that if I rode on that same tricycle I would catch some awful disease.]

13. Sex before marriage was a no-no. My fiancee, against my wishes, had one surgical and two chemical abortions rather than face the wrath of her father.

14. We never DREAMT of answering back to our parents or teachers.

15. If we wanted to see a movie, we had to go to the cinema.

16. There were no doubt some illicit drugs around, but these were only known to some esoteric minority.

17. We sincerely believed that all politicians, clergymen, policemen and others in public office were totally honest.

18. We did not know the “F” word.

19. We built cubby houses or tree houses.

20. We were sublimely ignorant of all the ills, wars and injustices in the world.

Ah, those halcyon days …. if only ….

Vacuum tubes!

In reply to Maureen, you’re so cool ….

Thanks for the compliment.

One of the guys we know is ever in search of vacuum tubes for his varied and sundry needs.

I grew up in New York City, but in the more rural areas of the country, TV and Radio did stop broadcasting around midnight.

and 17? It was nice to have that belief, but if you were one of the kids abused by such a universally respected person, you had nowhere to turn, and no one to help you.

My mother enjoys telling the kids of milking the cows and churning butter – she is 73 and grew up on a farm in Ireland.

I am sorry about no. 13 – kids today do have better access to birth control and information. That had to be very hard for you and for her. I am sorry that you had to go through that, and that it still pains you. We can discuss this another time, if you wish. I had no choice in 2 very wanted pregnancies – the children would not have survived outside the womb, and it still hurts. What if, what if, what if…

Gotta go for now

Maureen

hi

In reply to Friday Yuk (and you thought I forgot)

anybody here for a friendship …with a indian..at mangalore…

We’re all friends

In reply to hi

For the most part, we ae all friends here.

If you are wondering if people are here to form relationhsips, this is not a dating service.

yeah

In reply to We’re all friends

can’t sell yourself here.

Even tho I try…being the swill that I am ]:)

Oh man..

In reply to We’re all friends

THAT’s why I’ve been posting here for so long without a date. And I thought it was just me.

hehehe

In reply to Oh man..

I haven’t had a real girlfriend since before Clinton became president.

Oh well…don’t feel alone.

BTW…did I mention I’m jdclyde will be legally single in about a year?

go get him…hahahahaha 😀

BTW…can anyone tell me why married people (who have the financial means to buy them) don’t wear wedding bands when they’re not swingers?

Baffles me…guess I’m too traditional

About Wedding Bands

In reply to hehehe

I had a boss once who told his wife immediately after his honeymoon that he could not wear his wedding ring because it might get caught in macinery at work. I guess he was afraid of getting it caught in the keyboard. 🙂

I really believe he didn’t wear it so he wouldn’t advertise that he was married. Keeping his options open, I guess

I just don’t get it

In reply to About Wedding Bands

sure, I could understand if it endangered you that you take it off at work.

When I get married, I want everyone to know I’m married. I’ll be proud of my wife. Not wanting her just because she’s a trophy or a social statement about my manhood.

Christ…that’s really what’s wrong with the world…everyone doing everything…mostly for the wrong reasons.

It’s all about #1

In reply to I just don’t get it

What so many think is that NOTHIING is more important than their own happiness. The day I found out my wife was pregnant with our first, I decided for myself that from that point forward, my life was secondary to my new family. If people don’t allow their spouses and children to change who they are, then they really shouldn’t merge their life with someone else’s. I see it all the time in marriages that fail. One or both decides that they need something more than what they have to be fulfilled. If they would re-examine it and decide that the FAMILY needs something more, then we’d be better off as a society.

I’ll climb down from the soapbox now.

(How the hell does this fit into a Friday Yuk?????)

I completely ruined my first ring

In reply to About Wedding Bands

wearing it to work. I was a shop rat and to ruin a gold band takes quite a bit. So I had to get a new one. Now I have two and haven’t worn either in over three years.

I think more people (guys) put ON a ring to get women then the other way around. After all, everyone knows women ONLY want what they can’t have! EVERYONE knows that! ;\

Wedding bands

In reply to hehehe

I couldn’t wear one because I was into mechanical, machining and welding trades, and it’s pretty dangerous to have any rings on.

I used to wear both fists full of gold (plated)’heavy metal’ style rings though. I was allergic to those silver/nickle ones they sell streetside, so I had to save up and get them made by a jewler friend instead. After having some ‘problems’, as an agnst ridden and aggressive young man, I wasbeen kindly spoken to by the BC courts and told quite clearly that I am not to wear such rings anymore, just a wedding band.

At least I get an all over hand tan.

No, Maecuff

In reply to Oh man..

It’s definitely the picture you use as your avatar. How do you function with no eyes, ears or mouth? Glad it’s not a full body shot, I’d feel compelled to send money to some limbless hermaphrodite in the USA! :O

I find a lot of TR’s peers all look the same. Just a grey bunch of faceless people.

Funny you should say that..

In reply to No, Maecuff

Just today, at lunch, my husband told me that I’d be a lot easier to get along with if I had no arms or legs. He’s a demented man..

Dude we don’t mean THAT kind of a Republic..:)

In reply to hi

LOL.

But yeah you know I don’t really have a lot of real, true, honest to god friends. (Don’t tear up, I don’t…I’m all about quality and not quantity — that and I kind of like being a semi-loner too..lol) Sure I have the acquaintences that everyone has and some call friends — “Yeah I have like 400 friends…” um..no you really don’t…how to prove that point — Get in a really critical situation in your life, one that is not glamorius or fun in any remote way whatsoever, or fall on hard times financial/physically then ask your “400 friends” for help…you’ll see real quick who is left standing by you.

But I digress (bitter? Party of one? Your DAMN RIGHT..lol….j/k )

Anyway….dude…in all my years I’ve NEVER walked up to someone and said “Can you be my friend?”.

Somethings in life just happen through natural course of time and how you deal with people…but you don’t just say “be my friend”.

And finally….yeah we are buds here — in the virutal get pissed off at each in our posts, with colossal disagreements to the point you can picture the person seething with hatred as blood trickles down their ear all the while their face twitching ever so slightly kind of way…….oh but we tell jokes sometimes to and support each other through our posts..

but yeah we are like friends..;)

heheheh..

Kind of like family

In reply to Dude we don’t mean THAT kind of a Republic..:)

After all, who would treat you so badly but a big brother or sister?

But just let someone ELSE beat on you and they will answer to ME! :^)

A proud moment for me was when a punk started pushing one of my boys around (the smaller of the two) and Thing One got right in his face and told him that if he messed with his brother he was mess with him. He was informed by me that they would NEVER get in trouble at home for standing up for each other.

Stay away from JCK

In reply to hi

But don’t tell him you heard that from me!!!

Beware

In reply to Stay away from JCK

the swill is all knowing and all seeing.

All-Seeing??

In reply to Beware

As long as we don’t have to see him, that’s the important thing!!!!!!!! :^O

He’s too busy with his beer kit

In reply to All-Seeing??

to notice right now, so we may be safe! ;\

It all depends on how long it takes for the first batch to process and how much Guiness he consumes while he is waiting for it!

I’m all-seeing…

In reply to All-Seeing??

long as I got my contacts in! 😀

You’re funny

In reply to Stay away from JCK

Just browsing titles and I run into this little ‘I need a date’ thread, cyber sex anyone?

Then I see your post, when JCK hasn’t even replied at this point…Stay away from JCK. 😀

I’m still laughing, that’s funny for some reason…thanks, needed that. 🙂

I think it was the dry,cold, simplicity of the title, well done.

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