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Friday yuk? anyone? anyone?

By ITgirli ·
So what's happening here? I want to see a friday yuk.

Here a new bit of George Carlin for you (edited).
"Been sitting here with my @$$ in a wad, wanting to speak out about the
bull$h!t going on in New Orleans. For the people of New Orleans... First
we
would like to say, Sorry for your loss. With that said, Let's go through
a
few hurricane rules: (Unlike an earthquake, we know it's coming)

#1. A mandatory evacuation means just that...Get the **** out.
Don't blame the Government after they tell you to go. If they hadn't said
anything, I can see the argument. They said get out... if you didn't, it's
your fault,
not theirs. (We don't want to hear it, even if you don't have a car, you
can get out.)

#2. If there is an emergency, stock up on water and non-perishables. If
you
didn't do this, it's not the Government's fault you're starving.

#2a. If you run out of food and water, find a store that has some.
(Remember, shoes, TV's, DVD's and CD's are not edible. Leave them alone.)

#2b. If the local store has been looted of food or water, leave your
neighbor's TV and stereo alone. (See #2a) They worked hard to get their
stuff. Just because they were smart enough to leave during a mandatory
evacuation, doesn't give you the right to take their stuff...it's theirs,
not yours.

#3. If someone comes in to help you, don't shoot at them and then complain
no one is helping you. I'm not getting shot to help save some dumbass who
didn't leave when told to do so.

#4. If you are in your house that is completely under water, your
belongings
are probably too far gone for anyone to want them. If someone does want
them, let them have them and hopefully they'll die in the filth. Just
leave!
(It's New Orleans, find a voodoo warrior and put a curse on them.)

#5. My tax money should not pay to rebuild a 2 million dollar house, a
sports stadium or a floating casino. Also, my tax money shouldn't go to
rebuild a city that is under sea level. You wouldn't build your house on
quicksand would you? You want to live below sea-level, do your country
some
good and join the Navy.

#6. Regardless of what the Poverty Pimps Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton
want
you to believe, The US Government didn't create the Hurricane as a way to
eradicate the black people of New Orleans; (Neither did Russia as a way to
destroy America). The US Government didn't cause global warming that
caused
the hurricane (We've been coming out of an ice age for over a million
years).

#7. The government isn't responsible for giving you anything. This is the
land of the free and the home of the brave, but you gotta work for what
you
want. McDonalds and Wal-Mart are always hiring, get a d@mn job and stop
spooning off the people who are actually working for a living. President
Kennedy said it best..."Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what
you can do for your country."

Thank you for allowing me to rant.

the end.

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TEN THINGS TO PONDER

by V_man In reply to Friday yuk? anyone? anyon ...

TEN THINGS TO PONDER

Number 10 - Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9 - Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without
an erection, make him a sandwich!

Number 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person
to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6 - Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for anything,
but you still can't help but smile when you push them down the stairs.

Number 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.

Number 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention to criticism.

Number 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

Number 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2005:

We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the
millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to
where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we
should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

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fishing

by blieffring In reply to TEN THINGS TO PONDER

Give a man a fish and you have fed him for a day. teach a man to fish, and he will spend his life buying tackle, drowning worms, and drinking beer.

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logically speaking...

by maecuff In reply to Friday yuk? anyone? anyon ...

Two South Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community college and sign up for some classes." Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.

The next day Jim goes down to the college and meets the dean of admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weedeater?"

"Yeah."

"Then logically because you own a weedeater, I think that you would have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I t! hink that you might logically have a family."

"I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife."

"Yes, I do have a wife."

"And because you have a wife, then logically you must be a heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weedeater."

Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?"

Jim says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weedeater?"

"No."

"Then you're gay."

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Happy Birthday Waffle House!

by wordworker In reply to Friday yuk? anyone? anyon ...

Waffle House turns 50 in 2005. That's just one year older than the stains on the waitresses' uniforms!

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Highway Department

by TonytheTiger In reply to Friday yuk? anyone? anyon ...

(Since I work for them....)


A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. As he stood by his car to drink his cola, he watched a couple of men working
along the roadside with a state Department of Transportation truck parked nearby.

One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on.

The other man came along behind and filled in the hole.

While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road.

"I can't stand this," said the man, tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.

"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"

"Well, we work for the state," one of the men said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the state's money?"

"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow.

"Normally there's three of us ... me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back. Now just because Rodney's sick, that don't mean that Mike and me can't work.

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Okay..one more..

by maecuff In reply to Friday yuk? anyone? anyon ...

WHY DO MEN PEE STANDING UP?

God was just about done creating man, but he had two things left over in his bag and He couldn't quite decide how to split them between Adam and Eve. He thought He might just as well ask them. He told them one of the things He had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up. "It's a very handy thing," God told them, and I was wondering if either one of you had a preference for it. Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged, "Oh, please give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a man should have. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me!


On and on he went like an excited little boy. Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up. Adam was so excited he just started whizzing all over the place first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, and then he tried to see if he could hit a stump ten feet away -- laughing with delight all the while.


God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, Well, I guess you're kind of stuck with the last thing I have left. "What's it called?" asked Eve.


"Brains," said God.

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Amen

by ITgirli In reply to Okay..one more..

Ain't it the truth.

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I wouldn't want to male bash or anything..

by maecuff In reply to Amen

maybe just rough them up a little..

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Observation

by BFilmFan In reply to I wouldn't want to male b ...

You ladies should expand your horizons in male companionship....

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OR

by jdclyde In reply to Observation

let me watch..... ]:)

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