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Funny thoughts

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by oz_media

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Have you ever been in public, on a bus or in a mall, and thought of something so funny that you can't stop from grinning or giggling like a complete fool?

The worst part is when people see you grinning to yourself and think you're completely screwed.

I was on the ferry Saturday night after the football game and was minding my own business daydreaming away and thought of an old joke (too rude to include here)and couldn't help myself from laughing out loud, BY MYSELF! What a knob!

This morning I was in the mall picking up some detergent and stuff when I saw some ads posted on a pubic sell-all board. After reading about puppies for sale etc. I thought it would be really funny to place an ad in the newspaper,

>>>Children for sale<<<
Must go to somewhat patient homes with large backyard for exercise. Many to choose from, first shots, neutered or spayed.
Some prone to sleeping all day others require heavy sedation. FREE to the right homes.
For viewing call 666-555-1234
or drop by during exercise time.

9 replies

by hal 9000

As I've already had a Social Worker from the Departent of the Family try to kill me this month I'll just leave that one alone its been quite a few years since I up set this department with some volintare work that I did but they haven't forgotten and are still trying to get rid of me as they couldn't succed in character assanisation thay now seem to be settling for less subtle modes like running me down.

Now on the other when you quite without warning think of something really funny thta just cracks you up isn't it amasing just how long it goes on for no matter how much you try to stop from grinning like a fool dooped to the eyeballs on prozak or whatever the more you try to forget it the worse it gets.

by generalist

Warped minds would certainly enjoy the ad. But be prepared for lots of flak and perhaps even a visit from your local social agency.

Now if you changed it to "Immature Humanoids for Sale" you might get a rise out of the same group, only to demonstrate that you are selling some sort of doll or related item. Who knows, you might even be able to start a new fad.

by oz_media

I think I'd have the cops knocking my door, Social Services, Family Housing and every other HUMANE association in the Province.

Having done NOTHING wrong at all, it would be pretty funny though. I see humor and shock value as being one and the same.
Joe Schmo (Don't know if you watched it), to me, was simply hilarious! What a concept, and the guy took it so well and really saw the humour behind the setup.

If I walk down the road and while not paying attention, walk into a lamp post, I'm not embarrassed and will look to see who's laughing as I laugh at my misfortune/idiocy also.

I think if you can laugh at yourself, who cares if someone else laughs at you? If you can laugh at your misfortunes, who caers if someone tries to make a joke about you?

I laugh at myself MUCH harder than those trying to put me down, people are funny as hell, we stumble, trip and hurt oursleves continuously. We make stupid mistakes, we fall on our faces, we must lok like complete screwups to half the animal kingdom, I love being a stupid human!

by maecuff

I have four children between 5 and 20, so they are from slightly used to almost worn out, but I should be able to get a little money for them.

And I know what you mean about laughing out of the blue, it wasn't a joke that made me laugh, it was because I wore high heels on a rainy day in downtown Cincinnati and fell on my ass. I sat there getting soaked, laughing. People skirted around me, obviously too embarrassed for me to even offer help..

by oz_media

That people wouldn't stop to offer help to a lady who has slipped in heels.

I can visualize you sliping and landing on your butt then laughing out loud. It's quite amusing to say the least and I'd have laughed just walking by, but I would have stopped to see that you were OK and didn't want a hand up.

The stuff we do as uncoordinated bipeds is a riot!

Thanks for sharing!
OM

by hal 9000

They are currently 29 male and a 27 year old female well I think they are that age anyway and I can garantie that they are probaly only slightly worn but both my wife and myself are worn out and in need of replacment.

However I do think that it is a sad refelection on society when no one will stop to help onother when a problem arises. When I was younger I was taught manners and to be respectful to my elders and above all always help a woman in any way possible. I can still remember being hauled up to the bosses office a very long time ago and a complaint had been made against me of "Sexual Harasment" which shocked me no end and when I said that the only time I had seen the woman in question that day was when I open a door for her the people from the Equial Opportinuties Commision jumped up and said "see he admits it" I was more than confussed by this but apparently it was implied that I was saying to this very pregnant female that I was somehow superior to her because I opened the door for her and she felt intimitated somehow I still don't understand this but I'm a mere male. My only responce was that when Good Manners became Sexual Harasment things had gone way too far and I wasn't interested in being involved any further. But if they would like to go down to the place of the alledged incident they would see the sliding door taken down and the trade people in fixing it up as it had been broken and was almost impossible to open so they could quite happily shove their job where the sun don't shine.

Unfortantly it is the fringe element like this that make it bad for the rest of the community and I dare say was part of the reason why no one stoped to help you.

But it is a really sad reflection on society when things like this happen.

by oz_media

I think MANY women have battled for many years (and rightly so I must add)for equal rights to those of men.

Unfortunately, this got taken a little overboard when some of the newer women's support groups started. I believe in offering a female the EXACT same wage as anyone else in a similar position. I believe that ANY woman can do ANY job that a man does (before you say football, look around)as well and if not better. Ive hired literally thousands of employees in my days as a sales manager and trainer, there is no difference and in fact for MANY jobs, I would rather hire a woman due to their ability to commit to a common goal instead of a testosterone war.

I also believe that a lady should be treated as one, a worker as a worker a woman as a woman. I have dated MANY employees, freindly dates mostly but no restrictions for employee relations were in place. Drinks and dinner was always on me, come work the next day, my previous nights date was an equal employee.

I think the problem comes when people can't discern one from another. Work and play, two different activities. I've fired people and met them for a drink later with all the smiles and fun still in tact.

As long as everyone knows, work is work, play is play. I'll treat you like ANYONE else, I open doors for men in public if we are there at the same time why not women?

sorry to hear about your problems bt a company like that isn't worth working for to begin with!

by hal 9000

As the woman in question as she was married to a naval oficer who was away on sea duty for several months previously I think she was more then a bit frustrated and she never actually complained to the boss but rang the Authorities instead who had to act as at the time they where a newly formed part of the Government funded Politically Correct Community. I actuall think the boss was more schoked then me when they arrived in their "Jack Boots" and trampled all over the place in the name of protecting this poor woman. I actually quit then and there as I wanted no part of anything like this but the PC crowd wanted me to under go councilling to mend my ways no chance there either and when the boss insisted I was indespensible to the operation of the company and would allow the woman to go with a large payment she accepted.

I think it was a way to get what she thought she had comming as she was due in the next few weeks and would have had to leave anyway even if only for the time needed to have the baby and recover from the birth. But the PC crowd seemed to think that I was somehow using my position to hav my way with her {they where a strange lot anyway} AS I was the QLD Service Manager and she was only there to answer the phone and the like so I as Managment must have been asurting some form of Authority over her {Though I still don't understand any of this rubbish} and they thought that she should not suffer from my "incorrect" actions eg her leaving while I stayed there.

But it did teach me one thing and that was always to ask before I showed any manners to a female ever again and the one thing I have noticed ever since is that almost every woman likes to have these simple manners shown to them and it is only groups like Social Workers and their ilk that seem to take offence to this type of thing. I actually have a business card from a female Barister who has said she will represent me for nothing if this was to ever happen again as even she sees it as an abuse of the system.

As managment there are a few jobs that I would not consider a woman for but these are very few and far between and always involve heavy lifting and the like and I have always paid equial money for equial work even if it was not required as I then and still do firmly believe that all people are equial and there should never be a position arrise where someone gets penelised because of their sex.

But what I find the worst think about things like this is that it is now considered normal and now most people just avoid any interaction with people they don't know. I have seen tourists who where obviously hopelessly lost ask for directions only to be ignored and one of the best ones that I've ever seen was a woman breast feeding a new born child in a shopping centre which was no big deal to me and I for one wasn't the slighest bit offended or for that matter would have even have noticed until a group of wowen surrounded her and starting complaining in the most vocal manner. I suspose that I'll never learn as I went to her aid and told the rest to rack off as they had no idea of what they where talking about.

The mother by this stage had been reduced to tears and to me this was just unacceptiable. But I suspose I'm a sexist male pig who knows no better. But the funny thing is that I get far more respect from these women nowdays that I ever did before.

by oz_media

I thin you had it pegged when you say that other women were scolding the lady for breast feeding in public.

Perhaps they are as confused on the whole issue as you are. Bottom line, I'll treat women with the same respect I treat anyone with.

I'm a REALLY nice guy (popular to contrary belief) for an asshole! :-)

People either LOVE me or HATE me, there's no grey area. This is often a result of my acceptance of them, I have a knack for reading people and playing their own game. If I don't like someone, they will NEVER like me. If I like someone, we almost always become close friends.

OM

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