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Global Friday Yuk & B-Day wishes for JDCLYDE

By Oz_Media ·
Yes, GLOBAL. Seeing as some of our peers are 19 hours ahead of most of us, we now need to consider the gobal time zones when posting Friday Yuk's as it is politically correct to not desicriminate against others.

OUCH!!!!


A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.
A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming.
"What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "You're scaring my customers!"

"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the **** out of my nuts!"

The bartender opens the door, looks in, and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"


Are you a cowboy?


An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. As I watch TV, or even eat, I think about women. Everything seems to make me think about women."

The two sat sipping in silence. A short time later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."


Have a great weekend! :^O

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Oz, I was with you til...

by jck In reply to Global Friday Yuk & B-Day ...

you said "politically correct".

I don't wanna be P.C. sorry.

I'll just be polite and human. How's that?

cheers man...have a good weekend...off to a wedding tomorrow.

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Have fun

by Oz_Media In reply to Oz, I was with you til...

Drunken bridesmaids, have fun but be careful, the wedding bells will be in thier dream filled heads too.

The whole PC rant was just a sarcastic comment at our dry humoured friends on the dark side of the Earth.

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So OZ

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Have fun

I take it that the first joke was from personal experience since you've got your TR mug right?

Have the AIDS increased as summer is now officially upon you?

Col from the "Dark" side of the planet. ]:)

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Nah

by Oz_Media In reply to So OZ

I've been out-ruded below anyway. :)

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Well think of it this way OZ

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Nah

On Sunday when you are lying back in the sun with a cold one in one hand and a reefer in the other I'm at work and hard at it.

So While we start the weekend earlier here we also get to return to work at the beginning of a new week that much earlier as well.

Col ]:)

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Can coldwater clean dishes?

by jdclyde In reply to Global Friday Yuk & B-Day ...

This is for all the germ conscious folk who worry about using cold water to clean. (ItGirli)

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia.

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as coldwater can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?" Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as coldwater can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!"

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me! get to my car".

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted ...

"COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!!"


************************************
Happy Birthday toooooo meeeeeeeeee!
************************************

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Joyous day of birth to you.

by Jessie In reply to Can coldwater clean dishe ...

Hippo Birdie 2 Ewes
Hippo Birdie 2 Ewes
Hippo Birdie Deer Orangutan man (best I could do for clyde)
Hippo Birdie 2 Ewes!

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Sounds about right

by jdclyde In reply to Joyous day of birth to yo ...

"Anyway but loose" is as good a theme for tonight as any!

Right turn Clyde!

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Just don't get the movies mixed up

by Oz_Media In reply to Sounds about right

And walk into a gay bar thinking the theme was "Any Which Way you Can".

Now I don't care who you are, that there is funny!

(booooooo, I know, I know)

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How timely!

by jdclyde In reply to Just don't get the movies ...

Just talking to my bud last night who was out scoping where we will go this weekend and he went to the Comedy club in Saginaw which had been closed down and saw lots of people coming and going.

He went up and asked what the place was now and they told him "this is a gay bar silly!"

No lie, and I laughed my a$$ off at him! What a hoot!

(and yes, booooo!)

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