Halloween yuk

Not Halloween but I thought some of the ideas (that I haven't yet tried) were good.

[u][b]50 Fun Things To Do At Wal-Mart[/b][/u]

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap. (this one really IS fun)

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,
"I think we've got a code 3 in housewares," and see whathappens.

11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off and turn the volume up to full blast.

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!"

15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are taking it for a test drive.

17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. Do this until they leave the store.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!"

20. Put M&M's on layaway.

21. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and say, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover."

31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)

32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.

33. Take bets on the battle from above.

34. Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.

35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies."

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: Marco Polo

43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet section, etc.

44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's.

45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels.

46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to your knees and scream, "No, no, its those voices again."

49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

*BONUS*

1. Attempt to do all of the above in the same visit, without getting kicked out.

2. Try to hold up customers with the toy guns. See how much you can make. (This on may not be such a good idea by today's standards!)

HOW TRUE IT IS
Another year has passed
and we're all a little older.
Last summer felt hotter
and winter seems much colder.

I rack my brain for happy thoughts,
to put down on my pad,
But lots of things that come to mind
that make me kind of sad.

There was a time not long ago
when life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
about "Living in the Past"

We used to go to weddings,
football games and lunches.
Now we go to funeral homes,
and after-funeral brunches.

We used to have hangovers,
from parties that were gay.
Now we suffer body aches
and while the night away.

We used to go out dining,
and couldn't get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags,
come home and take a pill.

We used to often travel
to places near and far.
Now we get sore asses
from riding in the car.

We used to go out shopping
for new clothing at the Mall
But, now we never bother...
all the sizes are too small.

We used to go to nightclubs
and drink a little booze.
Now we stay at home at night
and watch the evening news.

That, my friend is how life is,
and now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up...
before you're too damned old!

As always,someone gets offended and feels it is neccessary to complain as they think everyone else SHOULD/IS offended too.

I think the issue was
1) 'Black' is STILL considered extremely racists in some parts of America
2) A black Box was just too racy for some people I supose.
3) Some of the other jokes were pushing it too, but who knows, one guy going nuts is all it takes, who cares though.

nothing new, that's for sure!

No matter what though, you can't offend me so 'gimme your worst!' and have at 'er, have a go at Brits and Canucks. (I know being a Brit that you can laugh at yourself as well as others too).

OZ sometimes I wonder what these forums would do without some of your posts. I have read a good share and considering that you don't live here, you have a pretty good grip on that p**p that is flying below your border. Keep up the good work.
TP

Actually you wouldn't be able to make a needlepoint for my kitchen would you?

Inside joke, not fair sorry.

I am told I am dishonourable, suffer from OCD, unintelligable, anti-American, racist, sexist, have no truth or honour, ingnorant, assinine, anal, homophobic, punk, having a seniors moment, liar, always right, condescending, mean spirited, etc.

Being a text book Republican I have no choice but to back Bush!

HALLOWEEN FACT: Everyone knows that each year many children are poisoned and harmed by tampered halloween candy. Thus ALWAYS check the candy before lettig kids eat it.

this is actually not at all true. A recent study in Canada, shows that in the past 60 years, there has been ONE (Yes ONE) incident of childrens halloween candy being tampered with before it hits the trick or treat bag. It is said to e a relative of a certain trick or treater.

Just like all the nasty strangers that abduct children, in Canada there was a study of over 60,000 missing children, only SEVEN had been abducted by strangers. All other were by people they knew, uncles, strayed fathers or mothers etc.

LET YOUR KIDS GO PLAY!!!!

LET YOUR KIDS GO TRICK OR TREATING WITH THIER FRIENDS.

LET YOUR KIDS GROW UP.

Happy Halloweeen! don't eat too much candy!