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Happy Halloween Yuk!

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by gadgetgirl

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On the basis that any excuse will do, have a Halloween Yuk on me....!

I'll start....!!!!

( apologies in advance, they're all real groaners)

What do you call dead cows that come back to life?
Zombeef.
Q: Why wasn't the vampire working?
A: He was on his coffin break.

What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.

How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.

Why did the Vampire get fired from the Blood Bank?
He was caught drinking on the job.
What kind of clothes do Zombies wear?
Decay NY.

Why aren't there any famous skeletons?
They're a bunch of no bodies.
Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A: She had bat breath.

Q: How do ghosts fly from one place to another?
A: By scareplane.

What do Skeletons say before eating?
Bone Appetite.

Enjoy your Halloween - but be careful what treats you get!! ]:)

GG

19 replies

by maecuff

You're right..they were bad! I can't wait to tell them to my son, he'll love them!

Here's another one that is equally horrible.. A little boy goes out trick or treating dressed as a pirate. He gets to the first house and the woman who answered the door notices that he's all alone and says "Why, what a sweet little pirate you are, but where are your buccaneers"? The little boy replies "They're under my buckin' hat".

by jdclyde

A young man moves to Transalvania and gets a job as a bar tender.

Just before the boss goes to leave to run some errands he pulls the young man off to the side for a little talk.

"You do know that we get a lot of vampires that come here, but if you serve them up they will leave you alone. Here we have cold blood on tap, and over here we have hot blood on tap. Got it?"

The young man replies that he understands, so the boss heads out the door.

Shortly, a vampire comes in, sits at the bar and says "I will have a cold glass of blood, please".

Kind of nervious, the young man draws up the blood and serves it up to the vampire. The vampire drinks the blood, throws a big tip on the bar and leaves. Sweet!

A little while later, another vampire come in, sits at the bar and says "I will have a HOT glass of blood, please."

Still kind of nervious, the young man draws up the blood and serves it up to the vampire. The vampire drinks the blood, throws a big tip on the bar and leaves. Piece of cake!

Shortly, another vampire come in and sits down at the bar. The young man is at ease and walks up saying "Let me guess, you would like a cold or hot glass of blood, right?"

To which the vampire answers "no, I would like a hot glass of water please".

Totally confused, the young man asks "But I thought all you vampires drink is hot or cold blook?"

So the vampire pulls out a bloody tampon and says, "It is tea time for me"!

(sorry about that everyone!) :^O

by dmambo

I think the 3rd to last line should say "water" no "blood". I worked making Tampax for 13 years (really) so I'm kind of an authority on tampon jokes.

Won't be around for a couple of weeks. Take care.

Aloha,
Mambo

by gadgetgirl

You really want to admit something like that on this board?

You REALLY want to admit it on THIS board?

too late - it's cut, pasted, saved and preserved for posterity......DMambo made Tampax!

oh, the options....
Made them....look big....look small....look narrow...look broad....

sorry! had to!

]:)

GG

(have a great time!)

by surflover

Mambo, really should've kept that to himself... and he's going to be gone for a few weeks... he'll miss the roasting and have to catch up after the fact :^O

by dmambo

I made Tampax for many years, but Surflover is the first person to ever want to roast them. You have some VERY weird Thanksgiving traditions, my friend!

by sleepin'dawg

That's a girl who has lost the string on her tampax. Geez Mambo; don't tell us, you worked in QA!!! Right???

[b]Dawg[/b] ]:)

by jdclyde

is a heck of a wild ride? :x

Got to go get candy for tonight. Although there usually isn't too many kids going through because of "urban sprawl". Everyone carts their kids our to the fancy subdivisions to rake in the loot.

Are you dressing up this year?

by gadgetgirl

Yes, was out there freezing to death wearing the basque, sussies an nix, with the devil horns flashing on my head, the stilletto heels clicking away like mad....

and if you believe that, you'll believe anything, believe me!

]:)

GG

by jdclyde

before I opened your post is still better.

All I could think of was you lifting your dress....up.... :O

by sleepin'dawg

Would have expected those at the very least. Got you figured for thigh high boots for those stilletto heels. I wouldn't know where to start if I saw a get up like that. What's that you say??? You have a pain in the groin area??? Well cut a couple of inches off the tops of those boots; after all they're made for taller sized people, aren't they??? Speaking of sussies, ever heard the expression,"swingin' in the riggin'"

As ever was,
[b]Dawg[/b] ]:)

by jdclyde

do I get my membership card?

Is there a handshake? Oh wait, I know what you have been doing, so we can skip the handshake... :O

(are you going to tell me you didn't think the EXACT same thing when you saw her post?) ]:)

by jaqui

proverts don't shake hands.
they don't get membership cards.. they are to busy being proverts to bother with all that crap.

and, no way, I was thinking exactly the same thing. :)

by gadgetgirl

if it was the slinky black velvet dress, sleeveless, half polo neck with the "viewing area" under the collar, you wouldn't have needed to envision the dress "up" ...

One move of the left leg would have revealed the thigh high split, and shown off the sussies, seamed stockings and garter to perfection ....!!! ;)

]:)

GG

{why is it on the hot discussions bar on the right I keep getting drawn to the "Size of IT Staff" text....???!!}

by jdclyde

I knew you would finally show up and delight the boys!

so much for size doesn't matter......

by gadgetgirl

and by special appointment!

As for "swingin' in the riggin'" - hey, you have to do SOME work here, you know, I'm not going to to ALL the work myself!!! ;)

and dearest Dawg, I'm sure YOU would know exactly where to start.....

(well, you do have a boat, don't you??!!)

]:)

GG

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