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Holiday Yuk Yuk (11/23/05)

By jdclyde ·
Two ways to avoid the flu:

Eat right!

Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.

Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.

Get plenty of exercise - because exercise helps build your immune system.

Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.

Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.

Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.

Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.

Get plenty of rest.

OR

You can take the doctors office approach. Think about it, when you go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol.
Why? Because alcohol kills germs.

So......

I walk to the liquor store (exercise)

I put lime in my Corona (fruit)

I put celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)

I drink on the bar patio (fresh air)

I get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress)

and then pass out (rest).

The way I see it, if you keep your alcohol levels up, flu germs can't get you!!!!

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Love?

by jdclyde In reply to Holiday Yuk Yuk (11/23/05 ...

A Woman's Husband Had Been Slipping In And Out Of A Coma For Several Months. Yet She Had Stayed By His Bedside Every Single Day.

One Day, When He Came To He Motioned For Her To Come Nearer. As She Sat By Him, He Whispered, Eyes Full Of Tears, "You Know What??? "You Have Been With Me All Through The Bad Times. When I Got Fired, you Were There To Support Me. When My Business Failed, You Were There. When I Got shot, You Were By My Side. When We Lost The House, You Stayed Right Here. When My Health Started Failing, You Were Still By My Side. You Know What???"

"What Dear???" She Gently Asked. Smiling As Her Heart Began To Fill With Warmth.

"I Think You're Bad Luck, Get The F**k Away From Me."

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yuk?

by LukCAD In reply to Love?

Sometime electricy shock is not so power then the nice post.

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OMG IT'S SPAM GUY!!!

by Jessie In reply to yuk?

I've finally found you!!! You're the barsteward that keeps sending me all those emails with completely indecipherable subjects... sorry I've been junking all your stuff dude. Can you please explain claustrophobic try cobble on canis it's?

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ROFLMAO

by Montgomery Gator In reply to OMG IT'S SPAM GUY!!!

His posts do sound like the randomly generated titles of so many spam e-mails.

BTW, anyone know what the reason for such titles for spam? Anyone with a lick of sense knows to delete those monstrosities.

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Fair is fair

by jdclyde In reply to Holiday Yuk Yuk (11/23/05 ...

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful .. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOSH! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOSH!
WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ..CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "Now you know what it feels like when I'm driving."

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Finally...a Real Man's Chain Letter

by jdclyde In reply to Holiday Yuk Yuk (11/23/05 ...

This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one doesn't cost anything!

Just send a copy of this letter to five of your male friends who are equally tired and discontent.

Then bundle up your wife and/or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list, and add your name to the bottom of the list.

When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women.

At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, of whom four were worth keeping.

This chain also brings good luck. One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Playboy playmate.

An unmarried Jewish man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooter's waitress and a Hollywood super model.

You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! One man broke the chain and got his wife back again.

Let's keep it going, men! Just add your name to the list below:


Bill Clinton
780 3rd Ave
New York, NY 10017

Billy Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

Billie Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

B. Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

William Jefferson Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

W. Jefferson Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

W. Jeff Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

W. J. Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

W. Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

William J Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

Willem Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

Wilhelm Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

Willie Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

Will Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

Mr. Hillary Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

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Phooey Again!!!!!!!

by swgoldwire2546 In reply to Finally...a Real Man's Ch ...

jdclyde,

DO YOU HAVE TO GO THERE WITH THE FORMER 42ND PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?!?!?

Dude, THAT is SOOOO NOT funny!!!!!!

-swg

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he shoulda acted like a grown up

by SWWBO In reply to Phooey Again!!!!!!!

I think the Clinton chainletter is hilarious.

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Ditto

by crazeebob2000 In reply to he shoulda acted like a g ...

I thought it was rather humorous, I had to laugh.

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going there

by jdclyde In reply to Phooey Again!!!!!!!

of course I had to! You wouldn't want me to edit a document before passing it along, would you?

That would be censorship! ;\

And actually, it is kind of funny!

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