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How about something lighter?

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by hal 9000

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Peaceful Bombs

Bombs For Peace

The White House - President Bush announced today a new policy of "Bombing for Peace". "Using the fine logic we crafted in the Afghanistan intervention, we have decided to add incrementally, to the list of peace initiatives around the world," he said in a prepared statement.

A background briefing indicated that on a weekly schedule, the Bush administration would intervene in the following areas:

Week One: Bombing of Ankara, Baghdad and Teheran to free the Kurds. Oh yeah, let's not forget all of the oil reserves we would gain.

Week Two: Bombing of England to free Northern Ireland, and to destroy the legendarily bad cuisine fabrication facilities.

Week Three: Bombing of several random African countries to stop the Hutus from killing Tutsis.

Week Four: Bombing of both Istanbul and Athens to solve the Cyprus problem, and end the argument over whether Socrates was actually homosexual or not.

Week Five: Bombing of Madrid to free the Basque Country, also to shut up the people at PETA because one target would be the bull fighting rings.

Week Six: Bombing of Ottawa to free the Quebecois.

Week Seven: Bombing of Jakarta to free the Timor Islands.

Week Eight: Bombing of Switzerland because it is due time that they were bullied.

Week Nine: Bombing of Paris to free Corsica, and those wishing to use deodorant and razors.

Week Ten: Bombing of Washington, D.C. to free the Confederate of Southern States, held captive for 139 years.

Week Eleven: Bombing of North Dakota so that South Dakota might finally be recognized as a "real" state.

"This schedule will do until we can come up with others," said Colin Powell, Secretary of State.

When asked whether or not the US would bomb Beijing in order to free Tibet, he responded, "Something that practical would never be on a military agenda."

Ok before anyone jumps up and down screaming at me, this was sent to me by a US site and I particuarly like the last bit about freeing Tibet.

Anyone got any coments?

32 replies

by radiic

Used a bunch of Nukes in the Mid-east and turned all that sand into glass....It sure would make finding the oil under there easier.

by oz_media

As usual you forgot Canada ?!? With the exception of the Quebecoir, but that's not really Canada, in thier minds or ours.

What about France, I'm sure americans would love ot bomb France, not to achieve anything but just because, that should be good enough for Bush.

How about bombing WalMart to free the repressed workers? (I was actually in WalMart while visiting Vancouver friends on the weekend. I need some socks and they have some good deals, so I went to Zellers and bought some, less than a buck more.)

While we are on it, how about the Jacko's Neverland ranch, the EMP project in Seattle (just for supporting some of the worst bands in Seattle).

Subway, for dehydrating the bread so it doesn't mold.

The RIAA, Capitol records, CBS Records, Virgin Records for ruining good artists and flooding the radio with Britney Spears.

The guy who won the $12,000.00 Superfecta on Friday.

by hal 9000

As it was delivered to me from one of the US sites that I reguraly get info from but the list could have been endless I suspose it all depends on how much "Paper" you wanted to waste.

But I did think it funny that they where prepared to bomb all the listed places but when asked about China to "Free" Tibet thay wouln't have a bar of it because that just might do some good.

The US wasn't interested when Tibet was invaded all those years ago and it appears despite some highly publisied people getting behind the Dali Lama they still aren't interested but what is 40 odd years between friends?

by hal 9000

The Australian equivelant over here is a bit upset because they spent a lot of money in tracking down 3 guys who where running a "Napster Style Site" and brought charges against them for "Criminal Damage" which they esteminated where in excess of 2 Billion Dollars. The Judge on the other hand only fined 2 of the guys 1 K$ and gave these 2 a 3 year good behaviour bond because they didn't make any money off the venture and the other guy who made a small amount for remixed songs got a 2K$ fine and a 3 year good behaviour bond.

The equivelant of the RIAA over here was appalled by this and mentioned that they had spent far more than this in "Investigating" this defrauding of their members and couldn't understand just why the sentences where so low they wanted to set an example and I think they have only it is not the one that the industry wanted as you can do what ever you like provided you don't make money off the site and the big end of town will spend a hell of a lot of money to see no return.

Great One!

by john_wills

Do you remember Les Insolences du Fr?re Untel? He had some secondary-schoolers write the national anthem out and came up with some interesting variants - "taire de nos a?eux" was one product of this effort; Fr?re Untel thought there might be something mystical in that.

by oz_media

just begin looking at the advantages

1) Easy to ship as many can fit in one garbage bag.

2) When they miss thier targets, nobody gets hurt (ooo, rubber bullets too!)

3)They would float so misses wouldn't end up on the ocean floor

4) less gas in transport

5) you'd feel somwhat safe letting soldiers fire them

6) Training could be at the NERF military training academy

7)They would doublr as life preservers *again reducing costs)

8) They could be recovered by the Boy Scouts and reused for next months war.

9)A direct hit would only 'annoy' the enemy instead of really pissing him off.

10)Just imagine the FUN !!!

or

Just give them cap guns and tell them to play cops and terrorists 'til dinner time.

by oz_media

But I don't think dropping foam rubber from 20, 000 feet would quite hit speeds of 18,0000 MPH.

Terminal velocity kicks in WAy before that (what is it 22FPS?)working against a mass of four pounds perhaps?

Boing !

by jkaras

And here I thought you were talking about the foam used in foam parties in bars. (Bubble bath foam that gets everyone wet frolicking around in bars, whoa the fun!)Everyone loves a good water fight, and if innocent bystanders get wet, hello wet t-shirt contest, friendly fire takes on a whole new definition. Granted I'm pushing for co-ed armies to do battle. Just think war isnt hell anymore, nobody dodges the draft, nothing is resolved, and everyone is happy.
Oz dont forget that Colorado bombed Canada in South Park, "Blame Canada"

by oz_media

"Oz dont forget that Colorado bombed Canada in South Park, "Blame Canada" " Noo dooot-a-boot it!

I love South park and have followed it since the start.

I wish I was one of the celebrities that got the "The Spirit of Christmas" mailed to them.

I've heardthat George Clooney made nearly 300 copies himself and sent it to everyone he knew.

South park is amusing as it niether supoprts or defames American heritage but often sees the joke of it all as it is very politically focused and loves to laugh at the political BS that srews up the children of America. SP makes a script out of being politically incorrect which is something I see Americans trying hard NOT to do, even to the point of giving up Constitutional rights to do so.

It is so hard to adhere, but it is very easy to laugh at those who are already stuck.

yay South Park! What's amusing is that SO many Americans love South Park, it makes you wonder if they actually understand it takes the piss out of Americans and laughs about it to the rest of the world.

by hal 9000

Darwin and see their "Wet T Shirt Competitions" they don't bother wasting the water by pouring it over the girls they just take off their T Shirts and soak them in the bucket of water that is the guy holding the comp does that I'm told as I've never bothered to actually watch the T Shirt after it was removed.

by jardinier

Now if Uncle Albert Einstein were still around, I'm sure he could find a method of harnessing the hot air that separates the serious from the not-so-serious postings in TR discussions to create a weapon of awesome magnitute.

The catch is, of course, that without the jocular side-threads, discussions would become so intense and boring that we probably wouldn't bother to participate.

by dnvrtechgrrl

As patriotic as I am towards my country...
that's about right.

Now what about Tibet? FGM? Others?
I don't see anyone jumping on that bandwagon.

by oz_media

Does Tibet have billions of barrels of oil? Does it also have thousands of miles of unexplored territory to mine?

by mrbill-

Now if you soak the foam in a semi-liquid, say Napalm (actually a suspension I believe), and dropped it with an impact fuse...

Sorry, the barbarian in me was trying to come out.

by oz_media

You may have heard of or used Naval Jelly before. It's a gelatin (about the consistencey of that Green Slime stuff for kids that used to come in a plastic garbage can)and smells of gasoline!

It is used for removing rust from boats etI use it on cars quite often. You just spread it on teh rusted area and rinse with cold water, it simply reoves ANYTHING between it and the metal.

I remember as a SH*T disturber kid, I used to go to a parking lot and paint rude words on people's cars. The first thing they'd do is pull into a gas station and rinse it off, leaving a bare metal F-U across the hood. Extremely nasty joke, but I was just a little headbanger a-hole that was ready to take on the world.

We used to call it Napalm because of it's color, smell and destructive capabilities.

You can run out and buy youself a can at most hardware stores or marine supply stores, paint I LOVE YOU on the fridge and see if your wife can actually get mad at you when she washes it off.

Was also fun to chuck gobs off the bridge and splat cars on the road below. It spreads into such little blobs all over the car it takes a complete repaint to fix it.

Glad I got it out of my system as a kid, I was a real crap slinger that would be in jail if I hadn't cleaned up my ways.

by hal 9000

That it was an Aussie that inventeed Napalm!

It will totally blow away my seemily pacifist stance here.

by oz_media

No real shock though, I don't think America has actually INVENTED anuthing at all, they have a great knack at buying patents and "improving" on them.

You Napalm loving baby killer, Anti-American, Socialist, Democrat, Republican bastard!

Yeah, you heard me.

by mrbill-

Sorry but no. That lovely addition to man?s knowledge base was ?discovered? in 1942 by Harvard University scientists and the U.S. army chemical warfare service when they found a way to jelly gasoline that worked quite well.

It was another product invented for WWII so the US could save the world from the Nazis, Japan, Italy, outer smoggolia, whoever but as everyone knows by the time the US entered the war it was just about over and British troops were on the outskirts of Berlin and sailing into Tokyo Bay ready to accept the surrender from the Axis powers so the only thing the US had to do was fund the cost of the cleanup which was a British plan to rebuild all of her hated enemies but unbeknownst to the rest of the world the war was actually a cunning plan by the British along with the Japanese to corner the world tea market seeing as GB had control over India and Japan had China the only way to drive up prices was to start a war so the great mastermind Neville Chamberlain conspired with Tojo to get Germany and Italy to invade its neighbors then when everything looked like it was going to work Japan got the US involved but the Yanks messed up everything and caused all their plans to go awry because the Yanks drank coffee which the rest of the world got hooked on and that is why the Brits don?t like Yanks.

However ?someone? will probably claim some anglo-saxon farmer first invented napalm during the dark ages, he used it to keep his pigs clean.

by oz_media

You're right. If you can't profit from it, you may as well ignore them and liberate some country that WOULD be profitable to the USA. Save the people, create a Democracy and control thier economy for them, or at least the part of the economy that benefits the USA.

"God bless America, and nobody else."

by oz_media

Over the course of time, perhaps even in the next 20-30 years, the American economy and military spending of today will come back and bite you in the ass. Other countries are going to be in a much better position for enhanced mlitary spending and development.

You will no longer be a super power, it is an economic fact that has been poven time and again.

You will then many years later beging to turn the tides and be considered a super power once again.

The idea I think is to keep your pride to yourself and rememberance day, those other holidays you celebrate like Independance Day etc.

Waving your pride in people's faces causes people to dislike you. Your enemies have reacted negatively to these sorts of flag waving things you do and you still haven't learned anything.

I don't believe your President has enough credibility to talk himself out of banging erasers after school. His party is not telling the people of America the facts behind this war. People are following his moves without question as they are mislead and catered to by politically biased media. There is contrary proof of the events leading up to the war, the media was full of a completely different story. The Presidential Speeches completely evaded the real issues between the UN, the USA and Iraq.

Saddam HAD to be removed, Bin Laden MUST be captured.
You went against the wishes of other allied countries that haven't seen undeniable proof of dual purpose imports having any military advantage to the Iraqi people. They refrained from acting on an unconfirmed premise and refused to lie to their citizens in order to justify premature action.

Sure you're all shits and giggles now but your time will come. Your premature efforts have not successfully removed these leaders or thier regimes. The Taliban is being rebuilt with better support than before and an even stronger push toward terrorism on America and her Allies. Are you really arrogant enough to believe that this war will soon end and that wil be that, all happy families from then on?

Get your head out of your ass and open your eyes.

by hal 9000

32 Feet per second second that things fall at.

Just don't ask what that is in metric as I'm far too old to even start to try to think on those lines.

But you're correct while weight does have some aspect of what the "Terminal Velocity" can be it is surface area that plays a far bigger role.

Now for my next Phyiscs lesson_____

by oz_media

Your ability to see the humor in almost anything is welcome in my world anytime.

You gotta really watch where you step in my world though, you may step in something nasty.

by mrbill-

Oz is right this war has only begun. It will get bloodier as it progresses. America will be hit again, harder than before but it will survive. Worldwide terrorism will never be completely stopped as long as one group hates another group enough to commit it. Our only hope is that people recognize the futility of this act. Terrorism does not do what it originally plans to do. The group that is hit only hits back harder which causes an escalation of events unit no one remembers what the original cause was.

by oz_media

I did a little dig and also found napalm as an American invention in 1942.

Crude oil and coconut milk!

Being a mechanic, i have spent a lot f time studying the effects of CO and how city pollution causes sickness, headaches and other nasty poo problems as a result of carboxyhemogloben.

this apparently is thousands of times stringer under a napalm attack rendering the enemy dead from asphyxiation in less than an hour. I'd say mush closer to a few minutes at most judging by the concentration of CO near the area bombed.

An interestnig subject and i think you for challenging th eargument and starting me on my little excavation to find out more. I love it when someone challanges something like that, although a know OF napalm and Naval Jelly, tee hee, I've never really taken time to find out more abou it.

Thanks Mr. Bill

by mrbill-

We are on this little rock to learn, to stretch our minds. I have had my eyes opened a little by things posted on this site, even by you. So its about time someone learns a little becuase of one of my posts.

by jardinier

Bill Gates, in his infinite wisdom, foresight and patriotism stimulated production of a device which, while providing jobs during the build-up to a useful stockpile, created the ultimate weapon -- the computer.

Firstly you indoctrinate the enemy into believing that it is beneficial to use this device and then, just at the point where they are totally confused, you dump plane loads of the things on all the bad guys in the world.

While the victims are trying to figure out what precisely led to their downfall, Gates will keep the US economy going as he develops the next, more deadly version of his device.

by oz_media

Your post is great, but I guess that this is assuming that the constant breakdown of Windows would also cause many to become suicidal in the process.

Now all he has to do is start charging for all the MS updates and he could single handedly wipe out an entire country's economy in one fell swoop.

by jardinier

[maximum thread level has been reached, so I have to post my comment here]

But I'm glad I'm hearing it. Your summary of the futility of the current approach to combatting terrorism hits the spot.

I think it was OzMentalCase who first used the analogy of stirring up an ants' nest. Of the myriad reasons which are emerging as likely motives for invading Iraq, one of course was vengeance: "You can't fly your planes into OUR buildings and get away with it!"

So the most simplistic and stupid response was: "Let's bomb the shit out of them: that'll teach them not to meddle with us." And, predictably, terrorism has got worse instead of better.

Down in my neck of the woods (Australasia), after the Bali bombing (which was an embarrassment to Indonesia) there has developed a strong co-operation in dealing with terrorism by a more subtle, and we hope more effective method. With Australia and its largely Muslim neighbours collaborating, much investigative work is being done to identify potential terrorists and terrorist cells before they can become organised enough to take action.

The perpetrators of the Bali bombing have already been caught, tried and convicted. I can't see that anyone benefits from terrorist attacks, and the USA might have achieved a lot more by adopting a similar approach with friendly Muslim nations in the Middle East.

by tr_member

Bush Lays Off Congress; will Outsource Lawmaking to India

Washington - Citing the growing cost of running the Federal government and the need to cut costs in order to reduce the budget deficit, President Bush announced today that he was laying off all 535 members of Congress and transferring lawmaking operations to a legislative support center in Bangalore, India. "Hey, outsourcing is the way to go these days," said Bush at an impromptu news conference where he announced the decision, adding, "the American people want to see less government waste. Since every one of those ex-Congressmen had a salary of $150,000, this move will cut our costs by over $80 million per year, and that's not even counting what we'll save on health insurance and retirement plans." Sources indicate that the Indian replacements will be paid approximately $250 per month.

The outcry from the newly laid-off Senators and Representatives was swift. Ex-California Senator Diane Feinstein said, "This is absolutely outrageous. How can a bunch of replacements over in India run Congress? What do they know about filibusters and committee hearings?" As she was being escorted out of the Hart Senate Office Building by U.S. Capitol Police officers, Feinstein complained that the newly-terminated lawmakers were only given ten minutes to clean out their desks and leave the building.

"I think it's a great idea," said Vice President D*ck Cheney, speaking from a secure undisclosed location. "The American people were fed up with that expensive do-nothing Congress which didn't always give the President everything he asked for. Our new Indian replacements will be much cooperative to the President, which is what we all want." Asked whether the outsourcing may be unconstitutional, Cheney noted, "That's up to the Supreme Court to decide, but as you know, they usually see things our way."

The new members of Congress seem thrilled with the attention they are receiving. Speaking from the offices of All-India Legislative Support Centre Ltd. in Bangalore, new Mississippi Senator Ramchandra Shektar Gupta told reporters, "The Indian people are very hard working and we will do our best as U.S. Congressmen and Congresswomen. And we are going to have some fun too. Just think: we have $2 trillion of the American taxpayers' money to spend!"

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