How often do you take a good look inside yourself?

There are no lights and it's too dark to read. :^O

[b]Dawg[/b] ]:)

but finally snapped yesterday.

did a post in the Divorce discussion because it takes a bit to go over.

I can see going to court soon over full custody.

Every action I take is a result of my own inner feelings or values. I don't base my lif eon anything other than what I feel and what I believe is right. No religion, no peer pressure, no suggestion, just what I feel I shoul ddo.

As far as my life and career, I am exactly where I should be, as I have nothing and noone to blame for any successes or shortcomings except myself and my own judgement, therefore I am successful in every way, even if I seemingly fail.

Marriage, divorce, career etc. 100% up to you, it works while you want it and it fails when you give up. Again, it's up to you.

In contrast, I am a person who's experiences have proven that no mater how much ou plan, you cannot determine your destiny. You can PLAN to do something in 5 years and be killed crossing the street 5 minutes later. I remember my 5, 10 and 15 year plans all being laughed away as I recovered from a coma. One minute I was leaving a theatre, 6 and a half weeks later I was concious and wondering why my brother (whom I thought was Santa) was still alive after driwning when we drove off a bridge. ( I was actually hit by a fire truck right outside the hospital)

So reflect, but don't try and figure it out or plan for later. I focus on how I feel right this very second, if I am not happy, I make myself happy. Who knows, I could be dead in 5 minutes, no point being pissed off before you go.

Then again, I find most people look inward too often, as they seem to have their heads up their asses.

You asked, "[i]How often do you take a good look inside yourself?"[/i]

Answer: Every day.

You asked, "[i]Do you stop to look at yourself, or do you just act/react your days away?"[/i]

Answer: Yes ........ Okay, that deserves an explanation. I would like to always do the former, but all too often find myself doing the latter.

You asked, "[i]Do you have anything you believe in, and do you know WHY you believe in it?"[/i]

Answer: Yes, and absolutely yes.

You asked, "[i]If you believe something, but feel it is "not your place" to say things to people that believe the opposite, how strong are your convictions?"[/i]

Answer: It depends on the subject and circumstances. It may or may not be "my place" to say something. Discretion is often the better part of valor.

You asked, "[i]Are you happy with your life?"[/i]

Answer: That's a loaded question. Yes and no.

You asked, "[i]Are you happy with your job?"[/i]

Answer: Yes. But I would prefer to not "have a job".

You asked, "[i]Are you happy with your family?"[/i]

Answer: Yes and no. Half and half.

You asked, "[i]If not, what would it take to BE happy? What can YOU do to make your life happy short of running away from the problems YOU allowed to fester?"[/i]

Answer: It has to do with establishing priorities. Ask me again in four years.

You asked, "[i]Is divorce the key? Remember, the problems you have will still be there, you just won't be married. Still will have the rest of the problems."[/i]

Answer: See the previous answer.

You asked, "[i]Is a new job in store?"[/i]

Answer: Yes and no. I'll never have another "job". I will, however, have another focus.

You asked, "[i]Is it the job?"[/i]

Answer: No, it's a good job. I'm just bored with it and/or not satisfied any more. A lot of people would actually kill for my job.

You asked, "[i]Is it the people you work with?"[/i]

Answer: No, the people I work with are just fine.

You asked, "[i]Is it the money?"[/i]

Answer: Yes and no. I'm paid fairly well, but would like more, much more. Anyone who says they don't do it "for the money", but they get money for what they do, is just trying to sound enlightened. I never buy into it. And "doing it for the money" is anything but greed. People should do what they love to do, to be sure, not necessarily "for the money", but the money will follow. However, a balance must be struck. A person may love to sit and watch the sunset every day, for example, but no one will pay for that particular skill. Money is not the end, but rather a means to an end.

You asked, "[i]Look at WHO you are. Are you happy with what you see? Winning the lottery won't change who you ARE."[/i]

Answer: Yes, but I always want to strive for more, monetarily and otherwise. Money won't change who you are, but it will change the choices you have to make and the options that you might have.

You said, "[i]I have tried doing hard look over the last few months. Identify where you are, where you WANT to be, and what it will take to get there."[/i]

Answer: That's a great outlook and good advice. I give that advice to myself every day. Saying it and doing it, however, are two different things. It's what separates the have's from the have not's; the players from the spectators; the winners from the losers; the achievers from the under achievers; the content with the dissatisfied; and so on.

You asked, "[i]Got a long way to go. How about you?"[/i]

Answer: Having a long way to go and a short time to get there might just be the best outlook for me. The destination, however, would always be changing once one is reached. If a person doesn't continually have a destination in mind, how is it possible to get there? And once that destination is reached, is that all there is, or is there more, yet another destination? There's always another destination, unless, of course, a person has nothing left to accomplish, no more dreams that could be turned into goals. I hope I'm never such a person. I always want to have a destination in mind. (And "destination" may be defined and/or described in many ways.)

I'm happy with my life, my husband, my family; maybe my job less so at the moment. I'm very happy to be healthy and feel I am blessed.

I'm at the point in my life where I need a professional change. I'm not challenged anymore even though I have a great job. I've had the same job for 12 years, with almost 25 years in IT in different capacities. I want to reinvent myself. I'm not sure as what, but I think it will come in time.

One thing I believe in is myself. I know that I have the power to make my life what I want it to be. I'm not an organized religion kind of person, but I have my own personal relationship with God and consider myself a spiritual person. I don't try to impose my opinions on others, but if you ask me I'll tell you.

I don't think there was ever a time in my life when every aspect of it was going well, but now that I am older I realize that that's how life is. When I was younger, I used to focus on whatever wasn't quite right in my life and I didn't enjoy what was going great. Now, I focus on enjoying my life in spite of whats wrong with it.

I think political views are pretty irrlevant when it comes to judging a person or someone's character. As I have always said, I am still amused by how so many Americans place your political view ahead of anything else, it seems.

The topics you raised are, to me, FAR more indicative of someone's character and being, than which heap of political lies they are led to believe in.

When I feel that I must, which is quiet often. The only times IMO we don?t look into ourselves is when we know what we are and like it (content) or we convince ourselves that we are what we want to be (denial). I have experienced both (in a very short time of one another) but both only once.

I find all problems extend from the core of ones being, this I define as where ones idea?s, personality, bias, likes, dislikes and so on, come from. You may if you wish call it your soul. Problems stem from here and multiply. If there is a troubles core then the exterior will be just as troubled.

In order for one to defeat one?s problems one must look at why they exist at the core. If you are unhappy with your life in general maybe it is because you are unhappy with yourself. If this is the case then perhaps you need to change, your lifestyle, attitudes and the like. I don?t know who said this but ?Change comes from within?.

With this being said I take a bit of time on introspection in order to better my self. I found myself liking the concept of nirvana (Buddhism). To reach a state of peace and enlightenment although I have quiet often found this at odds with human nature. But back to introspection, I look inside myself to see where the true source of my problems lie and most often they lie within me. They are extensions of my subconscious fears and desires. I compare the person I am with the person I want to be. Then I take steps to change who I am to be who I want.

The questions asked by JD about money and my job I think that having a good job is more important than selling out for money. This being said I would like to be rich but not at the expense of being totally unhappy. My ?soul? is worth much more to me. I like going to work and not hating every minute of that job even though I could be earning 2 or 3 thousand more a year ($57 AU p/week before tax) working 40 hours of torment with an assh0le boss. Money is important but it isn?t everything.

As for looking into yourself I provide a warning to those unprepared to face what they are (denial). Fredrick Nietzsche said it best when ?And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.? When you try to improve yourself you will learn many things but the first thing you will learn is that you can never go back.

To JD, Kudos on this thread. I?m sure you have made a lot of people think about them selves, their lives and the direction both are going in (IMO they are rarely the same direction). It has made me think even more. Some may answer literally to the questions you?ve asked but I would like to view myself as the opposite and this may lead me to be at odds with them.

In conclusion I would like to leave you with a quote from Sun Tzu which I think applies to everything in life ?Know yourself, know your enemy and victory will always be yours?.

Good luck with your endeavours.
Mike

has been radically different to most people's because of an overpowering urge to find "The Truth."

Once I had started on this path, there was no stepping off or turning back.

For many years I fought a daily battle between my quest for truth, and the desire to achieve "normal" goals.

[b]Matthew 6:24 No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.[/b]

My quest cost me my marriage and to some degree my career (as a journalist).

The one thing that I would never compromise was (and still is) my intellectual integrity.

An essential element in the search was to understand and know myself, so that there were long periods of navel gazing.

Some years ago now, I came to understood myself fully. I know precisely who I am, so there is no further need for navel gazing.

I know some of my limitations, but I do not know my potential. That will always be open-ended.

I am TOTALLY at peace with who I am, and have 100 per self esteem.

My productivity is, however, limited by certain medical conditions.

While my period in hospital two years ago was nowhere near as dramatic as Oz's NDE, it sure taught me that I am mortal, and from that time on, I count every day as a bonus.

It is with humility that I say I am saddled with the burden of being a multi talented person. Much of my life was "wasted" as I switched back and forth from one area of creativity to another.

Thus if I lived as long as Methuselah I would never complete the projects that I would like to.

Great thread, jd.

JD,

You seem to be unhappy with your marriage situation. You need to be ready personally for the worst situation on Earth spiritually before you enter into the torture chamber again. Stay out of bars to look for women or you get a drunk. If you want a church going woman, look there. But I recommend you work on yourself to be worthy of the kind of woman you wnat, and want to attract.

Even the Ugly old Gyrene can land a teriffic once-great-looking woman and stay married to her by hauling his soul out of it's hiding place once, twice a week. I evaluate what I am doing all the time.

I started out as a Marine Flight Surgeon, Did some Fortran, then I flew for a living doing flight instruction, small charters,etc. Worked wrinting UNIX at SCO. Kernel and application as a contractor. When I got injured badly, I moved East.

I still did some small contracting, but my first love was flying. I kept at it until I realized it was futile. Actually, I made $8,000 and my wife made $14,000 in 1983, we were starving with 2 kids in 22 months. The first one came 10 months and 7 days after we got married...

I then went to make more money and went for a job doing some Fortran coding in a UNIX environment at Bell labs. Then I went to Detroit to work at the Ford Rouge plant on a 4 stand Tandem mill. I ended up doing UNIX Admin work at Bell labs after two successful projects coding output programs. I went to fly again... then I programmed in RPGIII. That was my making. I became more faithfull to work, less bowling, I needed to bowl because the pots I won were often what we lived on. Then I started working in IT seriously. I really do enjoy fixing stuff.

Now I fly rarely, but have a good wife and great kids. Somedays, I would trade them for five minutes in the air in an A-6 and the snap of the Catapault.

Now I get my thrills watching my kids grow up. I get out to burn a few hundred rounds on the weekend with Big and little kids. 21, 20, 9 and 7.
.22 LRs for the small fry 9,7 .45 for hangun. 12 guage for Shotgun and $4.35 for 100 Pigeons. .54 for the big boom and 7.62 X 39 for noise and cutting down fence posts... I enjoy fruit of my labor when it has antlers, Yum.

The real issue JD is do you like yourself. What do you need to do to like yourself.

;\

I just live each moment as it comes. I take decisions based on what my heart says ... To put it more literally ... My decisions are based on my feelings ....

I am very happy with who I am. I have a lot to be thankful for.

My job is great ... even though the money isnt.

]:)

I think that most of us do it all the time more or less knowingly or unknowingly.

There ain't always a plan involved but more a feeling of what is right and what's wrong to do.
It is often implicit thinking on how to evolve to getting what we like and wanna become.

For me it happens every 4/5 to 7 years that I wanna change something. Mostly it is involved with wanting a new challenge in working environment. In my younger years more in being the best in what I do (sports or otherwise) now a day's more in helping others to improve them self?s (if they want to) or company's to be more competitive.

Rob

I fear if i did i would fall apart.
I think i need to though. Ever feel like your trying to battle the wind of a tornado to get into the calm inside?
Thats me lately :(
Too much on the go, and not sure its all going in the right direction.
But i am confident i will manage to get time to eventually have a good look inside..i just need to catch up with that elusive "me time" that i always say i'm going to have.

Am I happy with my life?

I tend not to view these things in black and white. Things could always be better. I am grateful they are not worse.

Am I happy with my job?
I am fairly content. I once made much more money. Money isn't the only thing, really, if it was I'd be a stockbroker. I have be reorged in the last year, and given new responsibilities, so now there is more challenge in my job, and I welcome that. I'm not the kind to sit back and be bored and do well at that. I do expect that I will be rewarded if I do a good job, and I know thats going to happen soon.

Am I happy with m family?
Thats a hard question. Like anything else, I know things could be better. I agonize when my kids's grades slip or they don't live up to their promises to keep their rooms clean. But I wouldn't trade a clean room for the love I get from them. It sustains me.

Divorce, like abortion, should never been done in haste. You have to have considered all the options creafully because divorce is almost always an irreversable decision. Irreconsilable differences is a useful phrase.

I am constantly thinking about my life. It hasn't turned out as I planned, but I have three great kids, my greatest accomplishments.

I have some goals, I want to get in shape again. I know what it will take to get there, executing is another story. Starting is the harder part.

James

You have probably heard many people says they would love to turn back the clock to simpler times but aside fromthat bing impossible nobody would want to give up the knowledge of things learned, whether they be for good or ill. We come into this life alone and when we depart we will also be alone. That is both inevitable and immutable and being alone needn't be so terrible if we are self-reliant and refrain from complicating our lives with indiscriminately poor relationships; which are not always easy to avoid. We gain knowledge and a degree of wisdom from the scars we bear whether they be physical or emotional but we only achieve enlightenment when we can look within ourselves and recognize and accept our contributions to this process we call our lives. You must learn to accept responsibility for all the pain and suffering you've endured but also be aware of the many joys that have also come your way. It is one thing to be alone, we all are to a degree and there is not much that can be done about it [b]but[/b] being lonely is something entirely different and that is something that can be dealt with but only by yourself as an individual. Get used to the idea; we are inevitably alone but we do not have to accept loneliness. Being alone is preferable to being lonely within a bad relationship.

[b]Dawg[/b] ]:)

While I have been questioning for a long time things that I could/should have done differently that contributed to her looking elsewhere, it has been to take responsibility for what I did wrong so I can make sure I don't repeat those mistakes the next time around. I will never feel like it was my fault she became obsessed with mark.

pity. If only she didn't have the boys to drag down with her. She deserves every bad thing that has happened to her and all the bad things that are to come.

I can sit back and watch her "popularity" and laugh, because I know she is just a MILF and unless they are pretty desparate, I don't see many nice guys wasting their time to half way through life become an add-a-pappa and start supporting her and her two kids. I know I am looking for a parner in life, not a maid or a W H O R E. That is all she has to offer.

I do see after a while the line dying down for her. she was looking pretty rough the other day, and showing more lines and sag that I had ever seen. (heehee!) I have also noticed that she usually smells real bad! (smokers stink).

I will just keep following the sage advice I got last summer, that the best revenge is to be happier and more successful without them.

Oh yeah, the more she needs the money from the house but doesn't do anything to help out, the more I find myself in less of a rush to sell it. :) This could take some time, expecially if I don't agree to drop the price in a bit. ;\

i felt guilty about getting divorced..I got over it pretty quick when i got f***ed over by him. I still (whisper: hate and despise) him, but each year it gets less and less while the pity grows.

he will never "be anything"..when he leaves this world there will be little evidence that he existed.
i feel pity that he cannot afford to give his new family a decent living,and he has completely alienated his wonderful daughter and she now wants nothing to do with him and I pity him because he is approaching 40 and has no achievements whatsoever

but one has to be careful with pity..he is smart enough to try and use it against me and he has succeeded a couple times. with kids involved it can be hard to step back and see things for what they might be.

I had intended to do this last week, but between 2/3 of the time TR would bring up load errors and work got busy, I was never able to post. This is not the only discussion I was force to not be active in because of the page errors. (are you listening TR?)

The first half, anyone that has been reading my ranting and raving for more than a week can tell I do have convictions and try hard to be consistant with them and understand WHY I have them.
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Happy with life? Yes and no. Weeks with the boys are great. Weeks without the boys is still kind of void and relearning who I am to decide how to fill this time. Not looking for more "bar time".
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Job. I get treated very well where I am. The job is pretty much what I make it to be. Unless there is an emergency, I pretty much decide what I FEEL like working on that day. I give regular reports to my boss, so he never stops in to see what I am doing. Starting back up to school again. BA in networking, with a Cisco core. plan on being CCNP in a year. (work pays for school, and lets me leave early two days a week to get to school with no docking). Only cloud of uncertanty is my boss will be retiring within five years. I will apply for that position, and my degree should put me in a good running for it. I would have a very hard time working FOR the only other co-worker that would run for that job. So work could take a nasty turn and I end up looking for something else.
To prepare for this, my goals is to pay off all debt, and keep my expenses low and get some saving built back up. Lawyer and EX cleaned out what I had, although the part the EX got WAS just an interest free loan as an advance on her share of the equity of the house, so I will get that part back at some point down the road.

Have three great friends that I could/would trust with my life. What more can one ask for? You see in the bad times where people stand, and I have hit a few lows over the last five years. The most recent example was when the drain value on my water heater broke off (plastic, can you believe that?) and was spraying water around the basement. Got the water shut off and drained, and then needed a much larger socket to get the value out (23mm). My bud us a mechanic so I called to see if he had one. He was really sick and had been in bed upchucking for a day already. I told him I had it covered and told him to go back to bed. I got the value out and then took off to the store to get a new one, and while I was gone he came over to see if there was anything he could do. (now THAT is a friend!) he saw I had it in hand so he went back home to puke some more. :D

money. Make a decent wage. more than any of my friends but only one is in tech. if he hits ALL his bonuses and has a busy year him might pass me a little, but not much. On average I would be top dog. (a shame too, because he knows more about tech than I do!)

Lottery. A nice house, a nice car, college fund setup for my boys and the kids of all my family. I don't think I would build a compound to live on, because the government invades compounds when Democrats have control of it, and I can't count on them never winning again.

I guess the main thing I would want more money for would be to get the boys though college and my retirement. No, I would not retire now. I would start my own business and hire an office manager to run it while I was at the golf course or strip club. (got to hold your meetings somewhere!)

Thanks for playing along everybody. Seeing what other people are dealing with, and how they handle them really helps.

Yes, be careful when feeling this or anything else for someone you know that is not deserving of it.

I don't feel bad at all for my EX, and you shouldn't for yours.

From what you have said recently, if he is willing to drop completely out of the picture, it is a blessing for your girl.

Take care of your baby and let the jerk rot in h311. That is my firm intention.

I will make concessions here or there, but they are done for the boys and not her. At the most, they are designed to make it so when I need something, the debt will be repaid.

I will do nothing, in anyway shape or form, help the ex improve her situation. On the other hand, I will do nothing to make it worse either. That is how I keep my concince clean, because her troubles are not of my making so I have no ownership of them.

Don't let yourself waste ANY emotions on that jerk. He doesn't deserve your pity.

I dont think anyone is ever truly happy. There are many emotions and they change at the drop of a hat for the strangest reasons. They will never be controlled and some times the worst days give the most happiness, weird huh?

I think there is degrees of living, such as thriving, successful, and surviving. I am only surviving. I barely make my bills and have times of fun and lots of boredom. I am not married, in my thirties, I cant keep in shape like I used to, dont have kids, poor paying job, and I dont own land. Where's my success story? Poor me huh? Yes and no, my life could be a whole lot better in many ways but is nowhere near horrible. There are many people who suffer and dont have half of what I have, so I am greatful for what I have. No matter how bad life is, somebody has it worse.

Life is a choice, pure and simple. Either you are going to chose to better it, or deal with it. You chose your friends, your relationships, your job, etc...

Not being a parent I cant offer any advice that would be worth a dam. I can only imagine not feel what it feels like to be estranged from your normal reality of family life. What I do know is that the kids come first, screw the issues with the wife. This is what is best, let her live her life and promote a new relationship with her. She is still the mother of your children and good communication between you both helps the children. The other bitter battle only compounds the issues. To many people spend way too much energy on getting back on the ex for leaving or not loving me anymore. You loved her once, why not now? People change, but not completely. There is always that part that still remains in the person.

I'll take a lottery win anyday. If I cant find a woman to satiate my desire for fun, then I'll create an environment. Example, traveling t osee wondrous things, a home catered to your liking, and a stress free environment aka no boss!!!!! Money doesnt change you, it just makes more things possible. Money doesnt make you smarter, funnier, or likable. Anyone who says these things to you ar obviously lying to get some of your money, users. They are easy to spot, you know who you can trust.

I suggest you invest in yourself and make you your top priority. What I mean is invest in better health, working out,jogging/cycling, yoga/meditation, music. Find your private time/hobby that takes you away from family, work, and problems. I see too many married people sacrifice this special time over commitments and have no outlet to release tention that they take out on others.

In short it is time for your Renaissance "a rebirth" and it is about time dont you think? You have to ask yourself, What have I done for ME lately? You could even take a piece of paper and fold it in half and write down everything that you have done in the last year in the first column, then look over the list and copy over to the other column things that you did for yourself. You probably wouldnt get more than 5 or 6 in the ME column.