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How often do you take a good look inside yourself?

By jdclyde ·
Do you stop to look at yourself, or do you just act/react your days away?

Do you have anything you believe in, and do you know WHY you believe in it?

If you believe something, but feel it is "not your place" to say things to people that believe the opposite, how strong are your convictions?

Are you happy with your life?
Are you happy with your job?
Are you happy with your family?

If not, what would it take to BE happy? What can YOU do to make your life happy short of running away from the problems YOU allowed to fester?

Is divorce the key? Remember, the problems you have will still be there, you just won't be married. Still will have the rest of the problems.

Is a new job in store?
Is it the job?
Is it the people you work with?
Is it the money?

Look at WHO you are. Are you happy with what you see? Winning the lottery won't change who you ARE.

I have tried doing hard look over the last few months. Identify where you are, where you WANT to be, and what it will take to get there.

Got a long way to go. How about you?

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Take a look inside myself??? Why???

by sleepin'dawg In reply to How often do you take a g ...

There are no lights and it's too dark to read. :^O

Dawg ]:)

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Just pondering is all

by jdclyde In reply to Take a look inside myself ...

all part of trying to re-define myself as the person I was a year ago no longer exists.

I can't go back to who or what I was before I got married. I can't be the person I have been over the last decade and a half.

Now that I am doing things on my own, I have to decide what I want to become.

As for reading, I have a good light and a cool knife collection. I could put in a night light for you! B-)

Oh yeah, connie is driving me nuts again.....

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You are and always will be the sum total of your experiences...............

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Just pondering is all

for better and/or worse. Maybe I missed something, but who in the **** is Connie??? If she's your ex, say nothing and walk away. Smile and say nothing. You'll be doing that for your boys sake, after all she is their mother but they're not stupid and will see her stunts for what they are; if not now, later.

Dawg ]:)

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I kept quiet as long as I could

by jdclyde In reply to You are and always will b ...

but finally snapped yesterday.

did a post in the Divorce discussion because it takes a bit to go over.

I can see going to court soon over full custody.

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Get some goals, get involved with something, get out

by Dr Dij In reply to Just pondering is all

and do stuff.

By goals, can mean anything. either hobby, helping people, going places, improving yourself. I've got some challenging but fun stuff I do outside of work. I'm setting up quite a few multiple visual presentations for large audiences in July and one for sooner time frame but smaller audience of a club I'm in.

Going places when you have days off can help you avoid the rut of sitting around and watching TV all day. Too passive, you rot if you do this too long. If we have free time on Sunday, we walk around the local park. I do a few of the exercize stations.

Enuf to keep my muscles slightly toned (and my conviction that I'm secretly Retief, Galactic Troubleshooter :) Can't get my gal friend to do much of these - I figured a few stretches and things like that wouldn't hurt her..

You can volunteer somewhere. I tried helping with animal shelter that helped birds from the local bay and things like that, for a while.

Design something - computer programs, sculpt something out of balsa wood. I hate to say it but a few years back I put together one of the transformer models. It guarded my car for a while till one day I left it on my dash with windoze closed and it melted to a puddle of plastic!

Anyway, forget the ex. she obviously wasn't meant for you. I met my current gal while on a photo shoot. She just started chatting. Finally after she didn't leave, I realized she was interested in me (I'm a bit dense when it comes to relationships). We went out to lunch, then dinner and have been inseparable ever since.

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I disagree-

by Mickster269 In reply to Just pondering is all

The person you were a year ago still exists- he has just evolved (or Intellegently Designed, if you prefer) into who you are today.

Of course you can't go back to what you were before you were married. You've learned and experienced a great amount of knowledge since then. I am willing ot wager you DON'T want to go back, because that means you will have disregarded the lessons you have learned since then.

Instead of "deciding what you want to become" , why not let things and experiences come your way, and grow naturally? Don't rush into a new "you". Let it come as it will. IF you decide to become one thing, you may ignore a direction that may eventually be a much better path.

I've probably walked down the same path you are on now, jd. I don't ever want to walk down that path again - but I am who I am today BECAUSE I walked down that path.

(This message was brought to you by a resident Buddhist System Admin. Take my remarks for what you will ...(smiles))

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Jd; what the Mickster says, bears some serious consideration on your part.

by sleepin'dawg In reply to I disagree-

You have probably heard many people says they would love to turn back the clock to simpler times but aside fromthat bing impossible nobody would want to give up the knowledge of things learned, whether they be for good or ill. We come into this life alone and when we depart we will also be alone. That is both inevitable and immutable and being alone needn't be so terrible if we are self-reliant and refrain from complicating our lives with indiscriminately poor relationships; which are not always easy to avoid. We gain knowledge and a degree of wisdom from the scars we bear whether they be physical or emotional but we only achieve enlightenment when we can look within ourselves and recognize and accept our contributions to this process we call our lives. You must learn to accept responsibility for all the pain and suffering you've endured but also be aware of the many joys that have also come your way. It is one thing to be alone, we all are to a degree and there is not much that can be done about it but being lonely is something entirely different and that is something that can be dealt with but only by yourself as an individual. Get used to the idea; we are inevitably alone but we do not have to accept loneliness. Being alone is preferable to being lonely within a bad relationship.

Dawg ]:)

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alone vs lonely

by jdclyde In reply to Jd; what the Mickster say ...

I have felt lonely for years, even though I was never alone. Finding out someone ELSE is your wifes "soul mate" has a tendency to do that to you.

I am not trying to map out my life, but I am trying to give it some general guidance.

I took friday off to get re-enrolled in college. finish up my BA in network management. this will get me in a better position for when my boss retires in a few years.

Not looking for the bad relationships, and not looking for something "clingy" either. Guess I don't really know what I am looking for, but will know it when I see it!

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In relationships, does anyone really know what they're lookin for???

by sleepin'dawg In reply to alone vs lonely

We think we do but in reality we don't. Once our emotions come into play any ideas we may have had about what we are looking for go right out the window.

I know you find this hard to believe but even if your ex was the **** you say she was and I'm not saying she wasn't, she was, for better or worse, a part of your life. If you lost a limb due to some rare disease don't you think you would have to get used to living without that limb and make some new adjustments. Well you've just excised your ex from your life and it is going to take you some time to get used to that, even though you spent the last few years working for that happy occasion.

It wasn't quite as happy as you expected it to be was it??? Oh sure, you were relieved to be out of the situation, especially with the fact you got away with minimal damage but I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that what you are feeling now is a mixed sense of anticlimax with just a little dab of guilt. You expected or thought you were going to be free and would instantly revert to your big swinging **** days of a happy, carefree, batchelor. It didn't quite work out that way, did it??? You have the responsibilities of your boys and all the remaining work necessary of divesting yourself of the house.

Don't feel too sorry for yourself. Be honest with yourself. You're a responsible individual and hidden deep within your mind, you are not too sure you were ever the big swinging **** you think you were. You probably weren't, few of us ever were, but you do have the legitimate excuse of having to look out for your boys and so you don't have to immediately run out and start screwing everything that passes by.

Feel sorry for the guys who don't have the excuse that you have. they have only two recourses; one is to throw yourself into your work for the next few months, working 60 - 70 hour weeks or you can go out and start screwing everything in sight including warm exhaust pipes, if they'll stay still long enough. I'm putting my money on you looking out for your boys and in my case, I threw myself into work because my ex got custody of my kids and I wasn't ready to lay myself open to any entanglements while feeling that way. The good news is you will live through it. We all do in one way or another and then one day everything will sort of snap into place and everything becomes normal.

I tried to warn you about this state before but until you actually got into it you weren't capable of believing me. Now I mentioned that dab of guilt you are feeling but which I know you will deny. It's not real guilt per se but you can't tell me there aren't moments that you don't wonder if you could have done something different to avert your divorce or maybe you are wondering if you did something that drove her to behaving like such a ****. Maybe it isn't guilt so much as an element of doubt but we all questions ourselves a little bit in that regard. Don't worry, it passes but it is annoying while you are feeling it. You probably did nothing to set her off. She just wasn't capable of growing with you and was too insecure to accept the passing of her youth. Now she is just another middleaged broad competing with all the youngsters for the diminishing pool of avaiable men. To be more competitive, I'll betshe is going to be one of those pathetic women who ends up handing out free samples to a bunch of guys who are all looking for something a little less shop worn. You may not believe it now but one day you may actually end up pitying her.

So get used to the idea of feeling a bit off base for a while. It does pass and in the end, you will be more in demand than she is. You just need to be patient and to be discriminating enough to not repeat your mistake and you would be surprised at just how many guys do.

Dawg ]:)

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guilt and pity

by jdclyde In reply to In relationships, does an ...

While I have been questioning for a long time things that I could/should have done differently that contributed to her looking elsewhere, it has been to take responsibility for what I did wrong so I can make sure I don't repeat those mistakes the next time around. I will never feel like it was my fault she became obsessed with mark.

pity. If only she didn't have the boys to drag down with her. She deserves every bad thing that has happened to her and all the bad things that are to come.

I can sit back and watch her "popularity" and laugh, because I know she is just a MILF and unless they are pretty desparate, I don't see many nice guys wasting their time to half way through life become an add-a-pappa and start supporting her and her two kids. I know I am looking for a parner in life, not a maid or a W H O R E. That is all she has to offer.

I do see after a while the line dying down for her. she was looking pretty rough the other day, and showing more lines and sag that I had ever seen. (heehee!) I have also noticed that she usually smells real bad! (smokers stink).

I will just keep following the sage advice I got last summer, that the best revenge is to be happier and more successful without them.

Oh yeah, the more she needs the money from the house but doesn't do anything to help out, the more I find myself in less of a rush to sell it. :) This could take some time, expecially if I don't agree to drop the price in a bit. ;\

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