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Humourous help required

By neil@home_in_UK ·
I am in the situation where all of my SAN storage space is being eaten up so fast that the system will explode in about March this new year. I can't act directly as the IT is outsourced to the company for which I work so it isn't my system. Their IS Management have been warned by me repeatedly since last January and have done nothing. Just to relieve my frustration, I want to write a paper titled "Disk Space Management" using humour.

They are a Windows/Exchange house (turns and spits) and used to be NetWare/GroupWise and the OS change is the main reason for the trouble.

Early thoughts:

Set all desktops to 740 x 480
Insist that all emails and documents are saved in 6 point.
Selective cull of users. Canadian seal-hunters gave me that idea.

Any help appreciated!

Neil

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Well, Being Canadian

by dafe2 In reply to Humourous help required

And not far from the seal hunt myself;

The desktop should include 16 colors only

All servers should have 3GL screensavers setup

All switches should be set to 10MPS

All switch ports should be locked out if no data moves through them in 8 hrs

User mailboxes should be set to 5meg and server storage quotas set to 10meg

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Is there a Win2K Group Policy setting to cull users?

by neil@home_in_UK In reply to Well, Being Canadian

Or do I have to do it manually?

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Here's a utility to Cull User, Computer and Mail Accounts

by dafe2 In reply to Is there a Win2K Group Po ...

But it's more fun to do it manually.

There's no GPO that I've seen, however we used the ferret. It will cull unused computer and user accounts ammong other things such as moving or deleting home folders and mailboxes.

http://www.anixis.com/products/uaf/default.htm

We've also used it win 2K3 Domains as well.

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By "cull" I mean something a tad different

by neil@home_in_UK In reply to Here's a utility to Cull ...

I don't think there a utility that will do what *I* want.

Bwa-ha-ha-ha! Swirls cloak menacingly across eyes...

:-)

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.

by dafe2 In reply to By "cull" I mean somethin ...
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Okeedokee

by dafe2 In reply to By "cull" I mean somethin ...

Did you not want to remove users?

I'm being too serious aren't I ;-)

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Remove is the key word

by neil@home_in_UK In reply to Okeedokee

Yes! I really do want to remove users. I want the idiot who has 10,000 items in his "Deleted" mail and 15,000 items in his Inbox and then complains about the speed of the mail system to die. I want the IS Director who refuses to set mail quotas because he is frightened of this user to die, horribly and slowly. But that won't happen - will it?

I just want to relieve the frustration felt by me and my colleagues by writing a spoof paper. I may then circulate it - without author name - to the client's IS Management.

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Ok then just

by dafe2 In reply to Remove is the key word

Tap into the server room power feeds & solder a live feed to the base of the office chairs.

What's the problem?

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To: Dafe2

by neil@home_in_UK In reply to Remove is the key word

Mmmmmmmmm! Cooked end-users!

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Taste like Chicken and

by dafe2 In reply to Remove is the key word

solves disc issues. (Use the 30Amp twist locks for extra crispy)

Also a good technique for incompetent techs too!

aaaarrrgh

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