Community archive

Ask something
Discussion Locked

I am the only one

0 helpful
13 replies

by zlitocook

Closed to new repliesThis discussion is closed. It stays readable, but it takes no new replies.

That I find that has paid to send his kid through a tech. shcool, and have agread to pay half for it. Here in MO. St Louis have three tech. schools for IT. I went to one of them and got a job right out of the school. They had great training and great job placement. I sent my son to the same school and he got the same training but was hired buy contractors.
So his training was less then mine.
Now he has trouble finding full time work he says because of the jobs he has had.
Do you support your kids and how long do you do this?
We have a grandson from him and and have paid all his bills for the last four months. We have given him our old car because the car he had was going bad.

13 replies

by deadly ernest

this one simply question and you have the answer for you.

What price do you place on your love?

Love is like pregnancy, it is or it isn't, not half and half measures, no maybe's.

My 18 year old son lives with me, it costs, but he can't manage on his own yet, so that's the way it is. I price love highly, how high do you?

by fungus-among-us

"My 18 year old son lives with me, it costs, but he can't manage on his own yet, so that's the way it is. I price love highly, how high do you?"

Change that 18 to 28, or 38, or 48 or 58... would the rest of that sentence (not statement) still remain the same?

I was raised with this simple statement from my parents. "Get a job, go to school or get your own place." When I turned 18, I couldn't wait to get out on my own. I went to trade school after dropping out of High School. While I was going to Automotive Trade school, I tested for and got my GED (General Equivilency Diploma) as well as held down a 32 hour per week, part time job. When I finished and graduated automotive school, I got a job working for a dealership and promptly moved out. 10 years later I switched careers and got into IT. At that time I "could" have moved back in with my parents, but did I want to??? Not really. I continued to work on cars, while I went to night school and ate a lot of spaghetti and mac an cheese. Sure I could've moved back in my folks while I was getting a degree in Computer Sciences and I sure as hell would've been eating a lot better... but I valued my FREEDOM more than my dietary needs. Seems to me that many of our youths today expect something just for being a citizen of the planet. I know plenty of my friends children who are fresh out of school, who can't find work, but think that working a minimum wage job is beneath them. I figure, $5.00 an hour (while you are looking for work in your field), is better than ZERO dollars an hour. I appreciate all the help my parents have given me and the sacrifices they had to make while raising me... I don't want to burden them anymore, without giving back something. If I ever move back in with mommy and daddy, I'd be sure to "PAY" them for the hospitality.

by deadly ernest

But there is more to it than you may know. As some know from other posts, my son has Asperger's Syndrome and is not yet fully socially functional due to some issues with the ex that have complicated the situation. He lives with me because he can't function alone, it's here or a group house. Here he has a lot more freedom than a group house and he's slowly learning to cope and care for himself properly. The ex was a control freak and never tried to teach him to look after himself, and the several years he was in her primary care have now to be made good.

However, it still comes down to love.

When I started working full time at 16, 20% of my pay I gave to my parents as board - whatever it was.

When mum was ill, dad moved in with me, and stayed for some years after mum's death, until his own.

When my sister had to leave her husband and divorce him, he played around one time too many. She moved in with me and lived with me for several years. Until she got things going again.

As to adopting you, I would have to get to know you first. Remember that old saying 'Love thy neighbour, she's got to be better than no one.' I think that's how it goes.

by zlitocook

I was venting, letting off a little steam. The car he got rid of we had just dropped two grand on in the last month. I gave him my old car a 2002 hyndi, that I always kept running like a top. Less then 80.000 miles on it. So it will last a few years.
I think I may have found him a good job close by his house and the pay is great too.
Kids you gotta love them and help them as needed.

by davedxb

life doesnt treat everyone equally...

some ppl are poor
some are rich
some are old

i just hope your children get all the best.

And it is our duty, as members of the family, as a good friend, as a neighbore...even simply as a human with logical sense to support the needy as much as we can.

So if u can handle it....ok....if u cant...hell, thats life....

Its all this dam TV and walt disney that makes me believe in dreams.

by mjd420nova

In the early sixties, many high schools had associated tech schools that the best students could attend. Unlike today, then you had to have good grades and attendance to be allowed to go, now days they call it vocational and it's meant for those with poor grades and attendance so that they could at least learn a trade before they dropped out. The best way for a young high school grad to learn a trade is to join the NAVY. If they are smart enough and can pass the exam, the AIR FORCE is the way to go. I suggest those two, as the others, ARMY and MARINES are sure to be sent to combat before any skills are taught. Once they are out of the service, employers are jumping at the chance to hire them as they see them as a blank mold, just ready to be formed and trained as they need. Plus any security clearances are a big plus as the TSA and HSA needs documented people badly.

by jmgarvin

After I got out of the Army I couldn't find a job to save my life. I was a 31C (single channel commo), reclassed to a 31M (multi channel commo), reclassed to a 31U (radio repair).

I went to a traditional school and got a BS CS, MS CS, and now I'm working on a PhD.

I now teach at a "tech" school and my kids can come out of the gate and be sys admins. Not only that but they can run rings around most folks with limited experience and certs. The best part, they can walk in cold to a cert test and pass (not that that is any major task).

I agree the military provides good experience, but it doesn't mean you'll get a job or get a job in IT.

by nicknielsen

We had a county-level vocational school called B.O.C.E.S. (look it up), offering automotive, carpentry, plumbing, nursing, and electrical traing and you only went to it if you "weren't smart enough" to make it into college. Today it's called "Career Education" or "Technical Education." Most studies of which I am aware indicate that students taking vocational courses tend to do better overall in their studies than students taking only the dore academic courses. This report (http://tinyurl.com/kf94j) discusses some of those studies.

One of my high school classmates was one of the first in the Northeast trained on the new digital diagnosis systems for cars in the 70s. He was making $40k+ at the age of 26, driving around to car dealers in upstate NY just to read the diagnostic reports. And he "wasn't smart enough" to get into college.

by jdmercha

Our kids will always be our kids. We do what we can to support them however we can. But each of us is different and we can afford different levels of support.

I was able to put my kids through a 4-year University program. I covered tuition amd room & board. They coverd books and living expenses.

That has given them a pretty good start in life. But I am still here to provide support when needed. To paraphrase: "Give your kid a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach your kid to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime. But keep some spare fish handy for times when there are no fish in the sea."

by jdclyde

If he has anytime to watch TV or browse the web, he has time to pound the pavement looking for a job.

Make it CLEAR that helping someone get started is different than support, and the free gravy train ends only when the conductor says so.

Put a fire under his seat.

by fungus-among-us

In your case, I would agree. If there is a mental or physical health issue involved, that does change the scenario a bit. Being of asian origin, I do believe in and have seen the extended family household (4 generations in one home), even though *I* don't practice it (I'm too Americanized I guess).

Like someone else posted, your kids are always your kids. I can accept that. I'm sure Ted Bundy, David Berkowitz, Dennis Rader and Jeffrey Dahmer's parents still love their sons. They may be sickened to their stomachs, but I've no doubts they still love their child(ren).

That being the case... if you had a healthy child, who did not have any physical, genetic, or mental challenges, would you allow them to live with (off) you until you retired?

Living WITH your parents is one thing... Living OFF your parents is quite another.

LOL, how about, "Love thy neighbor, only if they're not blood relatives" <--- does not apply in Arkansas.

by deadly ernest

If dataing blood relatives etc is so common in the stats (being Australian and never been there, I don't know what it's like) how do single visitors or relocated singles from out of stat ever get a date?

BTW Extended families is not just an asian thing, in Scotland and the like they call them clans, and they're also common in middle europe and the mediteranian.

by oldbag

When my father-in-law was in the final stages of cancer, he made my husband and I promise that we would see to it that our daughters got their education. This was to be financed from my husband's share of the estate.

So far, we have kept that promise with my oldest daughter going into her fourth year of university. We pay her tuition, rent, and books. She works summer and part time to help out. When she finishes this degree, she hopes to go to grad school for 2 years. We will of course help her out with that but have requested that her first choice be a local institution so that she can live at home and give the parents a break.

We have another daughter in high school right now and intend to fulfill the promise we made.

When the girls are finished their schooling, they will be debt-free. Since most university grads are burdened with huge debts, we feel that this will give our kids a major advantage and that they will be able to start their adult lives without too much assistance.

This discussion is closed to new replies.