I was asked what I do today

who specializes in computers.

In most cases, since I install and maintain point of sale systems, store computers and printers, and service scales, I just say that I'm a computer tech in grocery stores. For most people, this is sufficient. If they want me to get specific, I tell them I work on the registers, store PCs, and "the scales in the deli."

They usually understand that.

Edit: spelling

I get paid to play with all the cool toys.

If people want more, I tell them I am to blame for the network, servers, security, training, hardware and software at work.

Then after the deer in headlights look fades, "I am responsible for anything computer related."

They "get" that last one.

Field Service Engineer. I have to service everything from Satelite earth stations to PC's. and anything that hooks to them. Point of sale and order entry equipment in resturants to refineries. Key storage systems at car dealers or rewinders of aluminum wire at the manufactures
plant. Infra-red scanning of hydroelectric generators at dams, coking plants, boilers and personal homes. Repair of servos, proximity detectors and strain gauges at nuclear plants is my favorite as it involves a lot of prep time and usually very little work and only happens once a year due to exposure limitations. Travel, usually in excess of 100K miles a year in personal, rent-a-car and borrowed company vehicles makes for a TYPE A personality that I'm able to turn off and on depending on the attitude of the customer and the traffic.

Unlike you.
Service 180 nurses by yourself !
What a job, you need help, I have an excellent candidate lined up.
I usually describe myself as a programmer, makes it easier for the boss, they've some vague notion of what that entails.

if it's someone who knows anything at all about computers, they'll get nearer the mark. But it all depends on WHY they're asking, in my line of work.

I usually stick to some standard answers:

To a patient/general request - I look after computer security

To someone who has specifically been told to contact me - I'm Information Security - I help to keep all the Trust information in the right place, safe and secure.

To inductees and infractors: I AM THE INTERNET POLICE!

(usually keeps them towing the line! :D )

GG

Edit: Did you know that a violent sneeze from a head cold, combined with a sensitive ergonomic keyboard can cause comments to be submitted before completion? Well, it do.

Want a sneeze 'moticon...

I tell them everything under the sun I have done, am doing, or could do within the scope of my job description.

Usually when HR starts asking about my job function, they're looking to 1) reclassify me to pay me less, 2) reduce staff and combine job functions and reclassify me to save money, or 3) just looking to gather info so they can do (1) or (2) in the future.

Otherwise, I usually tell people "I'm the computer guy."

With emphasis on Network and Information Security.

Unless they really want to know. Then I can drill down to theoretical and hands on skill in network, OS, security and privacy, and programming. Also ACL management and database design.

Or I just tell them I'm an IT mutt. Most people get that.

.
[i]I maintain a computer network for 180 medical personnel (or nurses).[/i] (You could say, I suppose, "single-handedly" maintain...., or something that that effect.)

You can't assume what the person asking may or may not know, and such a reply is simple enough for a novice to understand, and clear enough for an expert to understand AND expand upon if the answer generates more interest.

If a formal title is what you're wondering about, they run the gamut; and some novices (or even experts) might still have no idea what it means. Do you have a business card? What does that say?

If I were to assign you a title for [i]"single-handedly maintaining a computer network for 180 nurses[/i], it would be one that would also coincide with the shirt I'd buy you -- the one with the big [b]S[/b] on the front.

Is my favorite.

I also go in for Computer Guru, Data Wrangler.

My boss calls me the director of technology. As with many others here, the amount of different types of work that I REALLY do make up my 4 page resume.

Generally I answer in response to who's asking the question and why, starting with 'Captain'.

Well since most of the people I talk to don't have the first clue about computers, I just tell them that I'm training to help people to sort out the problems which they may have with their computers, be it hardware or software. Namely i'm gonna be the tech from hell they scream down the phone at when their computer refuses to start or keeps crashing.

When asked, the first thing I tell them is, "I'm a SAN Engineer." I have yet to meet the non-IT professional who knows what that is, so I bring it down to their level.

IT Systems Manager...

If it is a pice of IT Kit or
If it runs an electronic system of sorts
I manage it.

I get asked that question all the time, and me too myself have install networks from the ground up and all that stuff, even I say this, I still myself think that I could have described myself a bit better. But when you get blank looks at you, it's pretty hard.

Kind Regards,
Jim

i'm sitting here in need of cuddles, myself... :(

I've just had the bandage off my ear and it STUNG! Looks like it was good repair tho' and I won't end up looking like a Rugby player...

:D

...is: -

I'm the guy you shout at when it all goes pear shaped.

When I get a blank look from that one I tell them I 'fix stuff' - we're dealing with button pushing monkeys at most sites I support...

My standard answer is I'm a Web developer, but that is not all I do in a day. I am also a full time single parent and a full time University student. How do you add that into a a web developers iq? =o) Most people I say Web Developer to say "aahhh a data entry person.." I answer with "you can't be more off than that!"

I've built pages for Engineering firms with database backup, created shopping sites for large shopping companies and other smaller industry seeking the internet revenue."

Its all in a days work! Off to the grocery!
Jenn

No matter what field I work in I find I need to offer simple explanations. I seem to always delve deeper and deeper into the organizations I work for, thus my job titles disappear very quickly. Even here, I don't bother updating my job title as it changes, I guess I like the KISS method.

I see. It probably works the way hot tea and cinnamon toast works for me..

http://www.theraflu.com/index.shtml

sounds like about the same idea.

some to you anyways! :D

I really got tired of the HR drones asking "So, what do you do...EXACTLY." You'd answer using technical terms like Cisco and support and they'd ask you to explain in "laymens" terms. I also hated having to "explain" what I was doing when things went to hell...Gah, I hate that.

So, now I teach and I'm a youngish old fart. My students come to me with the exact same problems and my answer is typically "fluff it up with lots of adjectives." ;-)

A reply of: "I'm the guy that takes the 'sh' out of 'IT' is always good for a laugh. It's also a simple and accurate explanation - and one that 'lusers' can relate to ;)

I actually answer this a lot, my son is 4 and he always asks what I do all day. What I tell him is "My MOST IMPORTANT job is to keep you and your sister safe. All day long while I am at work I keep other people and their computers safe." Which seems to pacify him. When I am speaking to a colleague, I tell them I keep data safe. Perhaps you can say "I keep you connected and functioning?"

For most people, that is enough. If they want more, then I can specify that I design, build and manage databases and websites, manage hardware, software and networks, train end-users in application use and computer maintenance, and occassionally do some simple graphic design work. My official title is Client Service Administrator--so computer geek is much more informative.

After years of trying to explain and watching people just shut down after 30 seconds, I now tell people that "I change fuses and laugh at users"

If it just doesn't sink in, I fall back on saying that if Bill Gates needed technical help or advice, I am the sort of person he would call.

..and if that does't work, I say I do "computers".

Sometimes I avoid the issue altogether and say I am a tax inspector. I save that one for taxi drivers and those people who insist on asking what you to for a living, just to float the conversation.

I'm a computer geek.

I not only work in IT - I work for the State... I start out: I work for the Government (I hear sighs) then I mention IT (too vague). If they are still around elaborate how much I like my 25 year job that consists of "managing technical projects" for the all important Judicial Branch that services over 64 courthouses Statewide with 4,000 PC's and from our centralized Data Center automates all the Criminal and Motor vehicle system, Adult probation, Juvenile offenders, Victim service centers etc. Key words are "automation" , "manage projects" and throw in technical and computers while "saving peoples lives" with information and automation. Sometimes I hear a wow - rarely.

...I usually say "I work in an office". Oddly enough, no-one ever asked what it was I did in an office.

I do this is because I have found that if you reveal that you have anything to do with computers, one of the following things usually happens:
1) You get asked to solve some vague problem they are having with their computer, on the spot. Whether you refuse or fail, they give you that "you can't be much good" look.
2) They say "I know nothing about computers. Mind you, my nephew..." followed by some anecdote so boring I find myself suddenly draw back to the woman who told me about the cracks in the wall of the psycho ward she was confined to after her last suicide attempt.
3) They want to have a 'puter related conversation. Yawn... yes, that's why I left work early today and put on a clean shirt!
4) They spot somebody on the other side of the room and excuse themselves.
5) They try to sleep with me. Okay, that's never happened, and that's why I quickly learned to tell lies. I am apparently much more attractive because I do something indefinate "in an office".

I am quite sure that telling them that I "maintain railway infrastructure monitoring systems and design and refine optical recognition software" would be a total mistake.

SWMBO's mother made me a name tag stating
{name}
Head Computer Geek

evidently I thought it was funnier than everyone did....

You betcha!!! I make it down home or discuss databases like store shopping. Whatever it takes to make them functional is great. I can stand there and wow them with my geek speak or I can give them the conceptual overview and basic application in terms and pictures they understand. A story to illustrate.

Five year old Bobby asks his Mom where he came from and after she nearly faints she starts to speak of the beauty of nature and the wisdom of God and love between Mommy and Daddy without getting very mechanical. At the end, Bobby tells his Mom, "Gee, and I thought Billy coming from Chicago was a cool thing."

Sometimes, they don't really want a techno grandiose explanation. If the thingamagig burped and that knocked off the connection to the whatsismacallit so I had to kick start the process makes them happy then go for it. I have one lad that works here that if you ask him a Kindergarten question he will proceed to give you doctoral presentation and you need to try and find your answer in the midst of all that wonderful information that you have no clue about what it means.

Better to communicate in the language of the student and teach them than show off your ego and leave them more baffled then when you started unless you are of the old guru mentality that really doesn't want to share in order to maintain your position of authority and feed your paranoia.

Then it can snowball from there...Don't use Windows, Don't use Excel, don't buy Linksys, don't buy HP, don't buy Asus, don't buy pre built computers, don't build your own, don't use Firefox, don't use fiber optic cabling,blah, blah, blah.
If that were the "solution", we wouldn't have technology. You would be reading my response by smoke signals

My actual title is a bit wrong in my case, I'm more like the IT Administrator, but this was what it was called before I got here...

I manage the network, troubleshoot, helpdesk for the company, upgrade, etc. But I am solo, and don't have any decision power, so I'm hardly a manager... The business cards say IT Manager, but I describe myself as IT Administrator.

Let me Sherlock this:
1. Unless you are different from most IT people, when talking to users you give a short - maybe smartass - answer.
2. If the person that was asking you was above you but neither aware of or could interpret your job description, then you may of liked to be more "complete" in your answer.

I'm guessing number 2 was the situation.

Here's an attempt at an objective answer...

You are a member of a separate culture when you do what you do in a non-IT industry.
Consider this:

The terms that are key and informative that are used by you, are at most, tokens to them. And probably reverse is true for you - though sometimes the impacts may be equal - HIPPA for example.
Being in a non-IT business means that where you are seen in the office, who you are talking to, what meetings you are invited to, all are impacting how these non-technical people look upon your personal worth to the organization.

What I'm leading up to is that maybe you need to know what everybody else does, then you can best address what you do from their viewpoint. They may stick you out on a lone branch in the org chart, but at some time a person like you is dealing with the left and right and up and down of said chart.
See if you can localize and specify the departments and their main actors while answering this question - you did this "where", you worked with "who", these people can do "this job" because you supported them.

Going back to what I referred to earlier, getting this accross is not just a lack of knowledge on their part, it is also a cultural problem. Try to meet them halfway...

Good Luck

I have been in the Computer Support business, now since the early eighties and your job desription is to do what needs to be done, whataever and whenever it need to be done.

Get over yourself and use the SoftSkills you are supposed to have to answer peoples Questions.

You would think you were a Brain Surgain, by the way you write, as well as many others amongst you.

You either like what you do, or give it up.

The Iceman
MCSE, CNA, A+

i usually just tell people i'm a computer geek. While not as well rounded as some of the respondees here, i've been around the block a few times and appear to have internalized a lot of stuff to the point where i no longer have to think about how to do things, i just do them. i love the challenge of having to actually think! instead of just do. Professionally i support about 400 users in a networked environment where we're just a small node in a much larger network. i do some programming, networking, all kinds of trouble-shooting, and am usually the first stop when things generally "just don't work right." i even help out when people's home computers fry up (it helps protect MY network). Most are astonished at how much i know. i keep reading this site and others and know how little i DO know.

No, no, no! Nerds do this stuff for free, if you get paid for it, you're a geek! Geek Goddess, maybe? ;-)

Staring at them until they go away works for me frequently. Unless of course you don't want them to go away, in which case feel free to answer according to context. . .

Any variation starting with something like "Well, you see, all data is basically just 1's and 0's. . ." works equally well.

LOL, I know that feeling... People that have no idea about what we do think we don't do anything all day! And when you are so involved in just "doing your job" you don't really have an itinerary handy to explain.

They usually get it.

The people at my workplace already know what I do. They also know what I CAN'T do because of company technical policy, but they ask anyway. No title necessary.

To the rest of the enterprise, and to outsiders, I am a Business Analyst. This handy answer conceals as much as it reveals. It answers all questions without providing a text to critique or to enumerate. People understand it without question, and don't question because they don't want to challenge their own understanding.

I am he who you call when the network doesn't work, the box doesn't boot, the software isn't there or the Help Desk won't. I am he who management calls on to analyze the problems from a business perspective and offer a reasonable, economic solution. I am the guy you go to when the tech or the phonable help doesn't work, and I provide the answers -- even if they're not the ones you want, but they ARE the answers you can understand and work with. Or against, if it gets in the way of business.

Who can put all that on a business card?

Call me a Business Analyst. Now what's your problem?

I look at this stuff pretty much as a hobby. In my last position, I was an office manager who also the server. If you had "dumbed it down", I would have been insulted. If you had given me an answer that included terms I did not understand, I would have asked for elaboration - without feeling insulted. Also, I disagree with your response. Be enthusiastic about computer support. Answer questions as they are asked. Make friends, not enemies. Computer support (whether hardware or software) is very much needed - a seeming lack of confidence or friendliness can leave your users questioning your value, wondering if you will prove helpful in meeting their needs. Never make the user appear or feel stupid! You only make enemies!

No one outside of IT knows what all the hardware and software titles mean. Evidence a job description with 15 certifications required, network experience, etc for $15/hr!
I usually reply "Chief Cook and Bottlewasher for IT dept" When I get the quizzical look, I tell them :If it deals with a computer, I do it. Fron Mouse pads to Ink cartridges to UPS's(which I then have to explain) to the database to email to telephones ( CISCO VOIP). The listener is then able to grasp something and walk away satisfied.

I haven't had too much problems telling people "I'm a web developer." Usually these days, even old ladies that don't have a computer know what the internet is (ie. grandchildren have it), what the web is, and if they don't, usually saying I create web sites on the internet explains it. If I get the "Oh, I don't know anything about computers". I find these people really don't care what you do, they'll find something wrong with it anyway. At least that's my experience. So rather than explain, I just walk away.

Depends on the context. Database Administrator or Computer Support. My nicknames among my people are either Database Goddess or the Computerator. The latter because they'd haul me to their computer to show me what it was doing wrong and then it wouldn't so I'd tell them it was because the computer knew if it didn't straighten out it was "Hasta la vista, babee." The erring computer will then behave right because "Ah'll be bahck!"

...because I always end up having to answer a ton of computer questions if I say anything truthful about my job. That or they give me job offers and tell me all the things I "should" be doing...

I work with computers. If I have to dumb that down, then I am on the wrong planet! By the way, Pluto is still a planet in my solar system!

If I tell someone exactly what I do, I get a blank stare. So I try to make it funny. Q: What do you do? A: I put those annoying popups on your screen to give me job security. i usually get a smirk or something, them I tell them I work on the computers and the network.

When speaking with most non computer people, "I work with computers". When speaking with the executives and CEO, "I save YOU money."

It's (mostly) true. Without technical people what would an average company do? Seize up and die.

I keep your company's computers and network running so you can do your job, attempt to protect our network from bad people in the world who hate us and would like to shut us down, work at helping the users of the network be effective in doing their jobs and using the tools provided, know the network and the software effectively enough to extract data back out of the databases in a timely manner so you can make good decisions to keep our company alive and growing and to hopefully keep our customers happy so they continue to use our services. No bragging involved in this, it's hard and sometimes thankless work and in the case of security and patching an unending treadmill with no guarantee of success, but I keep doing it anyway.

I always try to make my reply firm but polite. I am asked this quite frequently by my boss who is a lawyer (and doesn't know how to attach a file in her email). My response use to be to always refer to some obscure section of a project that IT is working on, but lately, I've found that at the beginning of the week, write down some goals that may or may not be reached by the end of the week, and refer to them every time she asks that question of questions. Making her show her "deer in the headlights" look does nothing but confuse her...and lawyers do not like to be confused...so I've found that this technique works best.