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I'll start the Friday Yuk, then!!

By gadgetgirl ·
seeing as how no-one else has, it must be my turn!

Have a wonderful weekend, all!

Wise words!


Potentially vs. realistically

A young boy went up to his father and asked "What's the difference between potentially and realistically?" The father ponders for a moment, then answered "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million quid and also ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million quid, then come back and tell me what you learned.

So the boy went to his mother and asked "Mum would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million quid?" The mother replied "Definitely, I wouldn't pass an opportunity like that."

The boy then went to his older sister and asked "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million quid?" The girl replied "Oh gosh, I would just love to do that, I would be nuts to pass up that opportunity."

The boy then thought about it for a few days, and went back to his father. His father asked him "Did you find the difference between potentially and realistically?"


The boy replied "Yes, potentially we're sitting on 2 million quid, but realistically we're living with two slappers.

The father replied "That's my boy."

]:)

GG

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Various jokes ....

by jardinier In reply to I'll start the Friday Yuk ...

READ BETWEEN THE THIGHS

A lady goes into a tattoo parlour and says to the guy: "Please tattoo the word Thanksgiving and a pic of a turkey on the inside of my left thigh."
The guy obliges and she is very happy and goes home.

The next day she goes into the tattoo parlour again and asks the tattoo artist to tattoo the word Xmas and a pic of a turkey on the inside of her right thigh. She eventually leaves happy and the tattoo artist is totally confused.

Just before she walks out the door he says to her: "Why did you do that to yourself?" She said: "My husband is always complaining that there is never anything to eat between Thanksgiving and Xmas.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

THE PRESIDENT'S BALLS

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right), an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000." The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets. The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"

The elderly woman replied, "Well, I'll bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square." The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that. The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?" "Certainly," replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square."

"Done," the elderly woman answered "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness." "No problem," said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet. The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly. The president was happy to oblige. The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure." The elderly woman did so with a little smile.

Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"

MAKING DAD'S TUMMY FLAT

A little boy walks into his parents? room to see his mum on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The parents stop and his mum very quickly dismounts, pulling the covers around her.

"What were you and dad doing?" the boy asks his mum.
"Well your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of daddy and help to flatten it," she explains.

"Your wasting your time," says the boy. "Every time when you go shopping the lady next door gets on her knees and blows it right back up again."

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hilarious

by stargazerr In reply to Various jokes ....

The last one was absolutely brilliant Jules ... :^0

]:)

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Staargazer - Nooooo!

by DMambo In reply to hilarious

That last joke was impure. I'm still hoping that you'll turn away from the dark side!

Oh well, here's my contribution:

After thirty-five years of marriage, Bernie is lying on his deathbed and with a tear in his eye he says "Annabel before I die I have to tell you something". She replies "Yes, yes dear anything what is it?" He starts, "The first year we were together, I caught pneumonia and almost died. You sat by my bed and nursed me back to health." To which the wife nods her head and he continues, "When I lost half my family in the terrible car crash, it was you by my side who kept me going. When our kids grew up and ran away from home, you sat with me and comforted me! And when I lost everything last year in the fire at the store, you were right by my side the whole time. Annabel You've been through everything with me." Bernie says, "So before I die I just want you to know you're a fock!ng jinx!"

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DM

by stargazerr In reply to Staargazer - Nooooo!

So was yours .... So before I die I just want you to know you're a fock!ng jinx

Shh .. between us pure people, I only occassionally glance at the gutter

]:)

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Don't tell anyone

by DMambo In reply to DM

But I take a look once in a while as well. Sometimes even jump right in, but nobody around here suspects.

Heeee Heeee Heeee

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impure! impure! impure! and you admitted it!!!!

by Jaqui In reply to Don't tell anyone

]:)

editing to add a C&P of the evidence...screencap saved on hard drive. ]:)

Don't tell anyone (6 of 1


But I take a look once in a while as well. Sometimes even jump right in, but nobody around here suspects.

Heeee Heeee Heeee


Posted by: DMambo 10K+ TechPoints Date: 05/05/06
DMambo
Networking / LAN Administration
Small Town, VT
Member since: October 2000
# 90 of the Top 100
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Bravo Jaqui!

by gadgetgirl In reply to impure! impure! impure! a ...

I couldn't have done impurely better myself!

]:)

GG

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I knew you would

by Jaqui In reply to impure! impure! impure! a ...

like that

now I'm poking Maxwell...

http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=8&threadID=194342&start=0

or tag:
mawell edison's foot in his mouth

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OUTRAGE

by DMambo In reply to Don't tell anyone

Someone hijacked by TR ID and posted the message above. How can this happen???

If I recall, there was a TR member named obmaMD, a doctor I believe, who sent me some PM's challenging me to a fight. I think this nut was from Australia, and he definitely had a screw loose. He frightened me, but I PM'ed him back anyway. I also sent his message to my brother, who advised me to maintain full contact with the whacko. This MUST be the crazy who's imitating me. Impure *******! Let's get his TR ID suspended.

Has anyone else heard of a similar situation???

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DM

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to OUTRAGE

I'll report this outrage to Beth if you like and let her sort it out with her Big Whip!

Then that glow that the Poms see in the West will defiantly not be your face. :^0

See I told you that we where having a Good Effect on you and bringing you to our standard.

You can no longer deny it you have dropped yourself right in it this time for all to see. :)

Col ]:)

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