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  • #2150682

    James’ Rant of the Week – Bridal Showers

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    by jamesrl ·

    So I normally don’t pay much mind to such things, but my wife brought this one to my attention.

    She has a friend who she is close to, who has helped us out in the past, and she is also friends with this person’s daughter, who happens to be getting married.

    The maid of honor is holding a bridal shower. Nothing wrong with that, my wife had several(my mom’s community group had one because the members knew me all my life, so I had to make a token appearance).

    But its the nature of the event that is disturbing. Instead of bringing whatever gift you feel is appropriate to the occasion, instead it will be one of those home shopping parties where the guests will buy the items demonstrated. They may buy some for the bride, and may buy some for themselves, and the maid of honor has assured the guests that all of the profits will go to a fund for the bride.

    But my wife had been planning her own wedding gift – she makes quilts by hand. She doesn’t mind giving a shower gift as well, but the idea of it being a commericial event just doesn’t sit well.

    Personally, I’m appalled, and I’m sure my mom, who taught me about etiquette and polite society would be too.

    Is this common? Anyone else get worked up over things like this? Perhaps I’m just too old and old-fashioned.

    James

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    • #2914495

      I hate that..

      by gsg ·

      In reply to James’ Rant of the Week – Bridal Showers

      I went to a housewarming like that where the new homeowner had the nerve to tell me how much I had to spend so that she could get the free gift as hostess. I brought something so didn’t buy.

      I think it wuold be appropriate to not buy anything, and give the quilt.

      I know when one of my close family members was starting out, they didn’t want to ask people for stuff, and had to be forced to do a bridal registry. Turns out that all the extended family gave them cash instead and that was used for important things like badly needed tires, rent, etc… That was more appreciated than random stuff was.

    • #2914484

      I’ve never heard of this disgusting practice.

      by charliespencer ·

      In reply to James’ Rant of the Week – Bridal Showers

      This is an ugly attempt to hijack guests invited to what they thought was something else entirely. If the goal of a shower to buy a “gift” on site, not bring one with you, then it should be held wherever the potentially happy couple has already registered. That way you’ll at least buy something you know they want, not what the “hostess / prostitute” happens to be selling. (“Oh, look dear. More Tupperware…:)

      I would no more put up with it at a shower than I would if somebody asked me over to watch the Daytona 500 and spent the race trying to sell me souvenirs. If I knew in advance, I wouldn’t show.

      Mind you, I’m all for bridal showers. That’s why all weddings should be held out doors. Most of those dresses look pretty darn slinky when they get plastered down by a good rain. Showering the bridesmaids with champagne usually works out well too.

      • #2914462

        Home parties have changed, Palmi

        by jdclyde ·

        In reply to I’ve never heard of this disgusting practice.

        [i]”Back in the ?50s, women from suburbia would host Tupperware parties as a way to socialize, make some money (or freebies) and indulge in shopping. Nowadays, these parties are all about fancy home decor, makeup, shoes, [b]lingerie or even sex toys[/b]. “[/i]

        One “Kongdong” for the bride to be? :0

        • #2914439

          No problem.

          by charliespencer ·

          In reply to Home parties have changed, Palmi

          Just don’t pretend your home sales party is a bridal or baby shower, or anything else other than what it is: a sales pitch. I wouldn’t buy anything from anyone inviting me over for chicken salad when they know they’re serving chicken s#!t. If I found myself an intended victim of such a ‘bait and switch’, I’d leave. (Unless a hot hostess planned on demo’ing the afore mentioned adult goodies. I still wouldn’t buy anything, but I might stick some singles under her G-string in recognition of her true profession.)

    • #2914482

      Taking advantage of

      by jdclyde ·

      In reply to James’ Rant of the Week – Bridal Showers

      and being rude bores to boot.

      People today are so self absorbed that they don’t realize what they are doing.

      It is bad enough to con everyone of your acquaintances to go to a home shopping party, but to make it a part of the shower is just tacky.

      It is the thought that counts. Tell your wife you are not OBLIGATED to purchase ANYTHING, and it is a GIFT from you to them.

      Drop that to Mrs. Manners and she would go ballistic. ;\

    • #2914478

      Personally…

      by boxfiddler ·

      In reply to James’ Rant of the Week – Bridal Showers

      I agree with you.

      Gift giving is a wonderful thing when the givers heart is in it (as your Mom’s is in her quilts). It strikes me that this removes heart from the equation rendering a gift not a gift.

      It also sounds to me like the maid of honor is an opportunist. I likely wouldn’t go and just send a gift. But I can be an @sshole that way.

      Blech, all the way around.

    • #2914460

      I agree with you , but you are not the one going to the shower

      by dadspad ·

      In reply to James’ Rant of the Week – Bridal Showers

      it is your wife, and that is the difference. If your wife is anything like mine, the closeness of the bride or the one giving the shower means a lot. If there is a closeness, then obligations come into play and if she must attend, then will feel obligated to buy, at least, something. I, myself, would most likely not go, or if I did, not buy anything.

      Weddings are too commercial as it is, but the blatant way of taking advantage of friends is … well disappointing.

    • #2914432

      As one getting married in a few months

      by dumphrey ·

      In reply to James’ Rant of the Week – Bridal Showers

      I can say I would loath such an experience, but my finacee would be rolling with laughter, telling everyone they were retarded, then getting them all to each buy her one the more expensive item, which she would then give to goodwill.

    • #2914220

      Tackiness and bad taste know no limits, with today’s brides & their mothers

      by sleepin’dawg ·

      In reply to James’ Rant of the Week – Bridal Showers

      In the old days, a guys invovement, if he were a batchelor, was limited to a cash gift, or if married, to paying for whatever piece of crap, his wife selected as a gift for the “happy couple”. At no time was he expected to make even a token appearance unless he was the poor schnook whose intended was the one being showered, at which point his main function was to lug the “gifts” (read crap) to the car. In the event that he was the sacrificial victim, His main function was to pay for the photographer, gifts for the ushers and beat man, the flowers and the method of transport to the church and reception. Most of what he was expected to do, could have been phoned in, but mainly consisted of making sure he showed up at the right church, on the appointed day at the right time, to marry the, supposedly, right girl.

      Thanks to the modern, light-in-his-loafers, new sensitive, metrosexual, male there are now no limits to the depths of gauchery, tackiness and plain old out and out bad taste that todays ordinary man is expected to descend to. The levels of stupidity, cupidity and depravity of todays modern bride and their voraciously greed motivated mothers is without limit.

      When I was told what was expected of me by one of my former mothers-in law, I told her, quite rudely, she said, what I was willing to pay for as regarded the wedding but in return I expected no arguments about having their darling little daughter sign a prenuptial agreement, drawn up by [b][i]my[/b][/i] lawyer. I also informed them that I considered any reception in excess of 75 guests a ridiculous waste of time and money. As for gifts, I didn’t give a damn but thought the custom amongst Italians, Poles and Ukranians of giving cash, an admirable and highly efficient one and would eliminate the need to exchange or return multiple toasters and/or food processors etc.

      Thankfully, or regretably as it later turned out, I was allowed to get away with this because my future father-in-law understood my point of view and approved of it. My ex mother-in-law never did forgive me for grabbing the cash before she could con her daughter into buying a lot of useless garbage. The investments I made bought and paid for our first and second houses.

      If your wife feels obligated to attend, then she should do so on her own terms but, unless you are the sacrificial goat, stay the hell away or better yet, suggest getting together with the other hen-pecked husbands and go on a pub crawl, take in a ball game, go golfing; anything but wimping out and attending an affair meant only for a bunch of cackling females. In short have the balls to draw a line and declare that beyond that you will not go. And for God’s sake and your own pride and peace of mind, stick to it.

      [b]Dawg[/b] ]:)

      • #2914216

        Damn!

        by boxfiddler ·

        In reply to Tackiness and bad taste know no limits, with today’s brides & their mothers

        Well, and strongly put.

        I’m giggling my @ss off, and I wouldn’t even disagree. Good one.

      • #2914165

        My darling bride didn’t want a dog-and-pony show.

        by charliespencer ·

        In reply to Tackiness and bad taste know no limits, with today’s brides & their mothers

        It took an effort on my part to get her to upgrade to my parent’s living room instead of the JOTP. No showers, no church, the only flowers were the ones in her hand (silk, and we display them on the mantel). Twelve people in attendance, all but two were blood relatives (one of those two was the minister). I can distinctly remember only three of the gifts: a shower curtain from one of my college professors; a set of Christmas ornaments from my mother’s tennis partner; a crock pot from my co-workers. We still have the ornaments and the crock 25 years later.

      • #2914129

        I was really disappointed when I found out

        by jdclyde ·

        In reply to Tackiness and bad taste know no limits, with today’s brides & their mothers

        that a bridal shower was NOT a bunch of hot babes taking an actual shower together… 🙁

        I figured something out of the shower scene in Porkeys or something…. :p

      • #2914110

        My one and only bridal shower

        by jamesrl ·

        In reply to Tackiness and bad taste know no limits, with today’s brides & their mothers

        Was because the Women’s Institute was holding it. These women knew me from the time I was born. My mother had belonged to the group before I was born, and had been president of it many times.

        Clearly these women wanted to see me, as they were really giving to me, not my bride, who they had never met.

        So I showed for 15 minutes and that was it. It was walking distance from my parents house, so I went back and had a beer.

        I don’t have a problem with showers, I had a baby shower for one of my staff – but I raised a ton of money, bought a token gift and gave them the rest in a gift card at Babies R Us. Seemed like the right way to handle it. Had cake and coffee and whatever.

        Its not the showers, its the obligation. I was always taught that its rude to ask for a gift or even hint, that the giver should feel free to give whatever they want or nothing. The idea of a an obligation to go to buy some overpriced crap I wouldn’t buy myself is too much. I was never planning on going to the event, but my wife is torn. It is of course up to her.

        James

        James

    • #2914103

      Pathetic

      by shellbot ·

      In reply to James’ Rant of the Week – Bridal Showers

      A shower is susposed to be a few of the girls and female relatives together to have a laugh.
      Yes, customary to bring a small gift..
      as in, kitchen towels..glassware etc..heck, even a bit of saucy lingerie

      If I were her, I’d pick up a small item, wrap it prettily and take it along. She can “ohhh and ahh” at the items for sale and simply not buy anything.
      Then give the handmade quilt for a wedding gift.

      Asking people to buy a specific shower gift is ludicrus. These things are susposed to be fun..the most i was ever ASKED to bring to shower was a can of food with the label torn off..the bride gets them, and for the first while when she’s “too tired” wink wink to cook, she susposed to just open a couple cans and dinner is served 🙂

      A grilfriend once had one of these Ann summers parties, ya know..sex stuff and lingerie..but it was for the fun of it..not to buy stuff for the bride!!!!!!

    • #2914091

      Oh good! I get to put on a Dear Abby hat!

      by maxwell edison ·

      In reply to James’ Rant of the Week – Bridal Showers

      Here’s my Dear Abby answer.

      It does seem that traditional events such as this are redefining themselves as time goes by. We can either go along with it or try to change it. Either way, someone might feel put out.

      If your wife feels uncomfortable with the shower format, I would suggest that she simply send a note to the bride stating her regret that she cannot attend because of a conflicting engagement (perhaps something her husband had already arranged). There would also be nothing wrong with sending one of those quilts along with the note. In fact, that might be a very nice gesture.

      • #2914060

        What I wonder

        by jdclyde ·

        In reply to Oh good! I get to put on a Dear Abby hat!

        is people that completely self absorbed to be as crude as to have this format, are they mature enough to appreciate how nice a hand made quilt?

        I don’t think they will, because it isn’t store bought, so it is a wasted gift, and should be sent to ME instead! B-)

    • #2914086

      to me: tacky

      by jck ·

      In reply to James’ Rant of the Week – Bridal Showers

      a) having friends to your tupperware/amway/herbalife/avon wedding shower is like inviting them to a charity event for retarded children, then bringing out your own retarded child as a guilt trip to get them to give more.

      b) i’d just tell your wife to send the quilt and apologize in a note that you had prior arrangements…then LEAVE TOWN lol

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