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Man's best friend

By jardinier ·
A friend (who has four dogs) just sent me this and it HAS to be shared.

Anecdotes about your pet or pets are most welcome.

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
-Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
-Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.
-Will Rogers

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
-Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings


The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
-Andy Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
-M. Acklam

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.
-Sigmund Freud

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
-Rita Rudner

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three
times before lying down.
-Robert Benchley

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
-Franklin P. Jones

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have
known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
-James Thurber

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
-Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
-Joe Weinstein

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
-Anne Tyler

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
- Dave Barry

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
-Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret

My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.

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The only good animal

by neilb@uk In reply to Man's best friend

is cooked.

Just playing Devil's Advocate again... ]:)

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So what is your preferred dish?

by jardinier In reply to The only good animal

Dog? Cat? Guinea pig? Canary ? Goldfish ?

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Jules, it's all cultural conditioning

by neilb@uk In reply to So what is your preferred ...

and personal feelings.

I have to say, I'm not a pet person. I do have some tropical freshwater fish but they are not really pets, just animated wallpaper. They don't have names and are much too small for anything except fishpaste. I have eaten carp (caught by me) which is the same species as goldfish and it tastes awful - just like the bottom of a swamp. No, I would not eat goldfish again.

The nicest, friendliest pet that any of my friends have had - ever - was a small pig called Steaky. Much more intelligent than any dog and just as friendly and far, far nicer than any cat. If I ever get a "companion animal", it will be a pig! I would still eat bacon sandwiches, though, and would probably eat my pet if it died.

The only reason why we don't eat dogs is - well, why don't we? It is still one of my foodie ambitions to visit Korea and eat some dog in revege for all of the dogshit that I have stepped in over the last 50 years.

I dislike cats. They do not rub against my legs and scent-mark me. I would much rather we had half as many cats as there are in the UK and twice as many songbirds. I could happily nosh on, say, tabby tandoori twice a week if it would help.

When I see the "animal-loving" dog and cat owners with their tins of rabbit-flavoured pet food...

So, Jules, what about rabbits? A pest, a pet and a food animal in one furry little body over here. I bet it's not regarded as a pet where you are!

Guinea pigs are a Peruvian food animal (Cuy). Cultural conditioning again. Yes, I'd eat them in the Peruvian manner, fried with chili, spices and potato. sounds rather good.

Canaries are just too small.

Sorry, Jules. I have absolutely no shame.

Neil

All this has made me hungry. I'm off to lunch.

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what about rabbits?

by jardinier In reply to Jules, it's all cultural ...

Well you sure got that one wrong in a big way Neil.

Many, many years ago rabbits were in such plague proportions that we introduced a disease called mixematosis to wipe them out. Additionally long rabbit-proof fences were installed along the boundaries between portions of some states.

Currently because of a prolonged drought, kangaroos are in plague proportions because they can thrive in the drier conditions that are natural to Australia. They eat the fodder which is intended for sheep.

Yes I know all about guinea pigs and Peru -- I should have given that one a miss.

And I also am aware that pigs make nice pets.

However I eat lamb and beef and drink milk and eat other dairy products but I would not like a cow, a bull or a sheep for a pet.

So it's not JUST cultural. There are practical considerations as well.

Some time you should ask Oz to tell you about his cat Felix. You would see a whole different side to the guy. He described Felix as "The greatest love of my life."

Do you believe that animals go to heaven? Perhaps you should wish that they do so that you will never be bothered by them when you die.

Now here is a serious question. You are cynical about religion and you are cynical about pets. Are you a full-time cynic or do you just have your favourite areas?

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No, not a complete cynic

by neilb@uk In reply to what about rabbits?

You've just hit on the two areas where I probably come over as one to you.

We'll leave religion out of this discussion as I'm simply an unbeliever (as I keep telling you) so the question "Do animals go to heaven?" gets the aswer "Unh???" from me.

As for animals as pets or food? Well. I tend not to anthropomorphise. I think we read far too much into complex interpretations of simple behaviour patterns for simple wish-fulfilment. You might "love" a cat but it's my honest belief that the cat in no way whatsoever "loves" you back. Dogs? Pack behaviour but I do like dogs more than cats (dislike less than cats?). Our family dog was a prime example of "love" in that it would snap ferociously at my father's hand (or mine) if he made any sort of gesture towards my mother. I've seen that behaviour repeated with most dogs.

As for other people's pets, we have, as an example, my Aunt Winifred's dog only last week:

Grrrr! Grrrr! YapYapYapYapYapYapYapYapYap!
Ah, bless him. He's talking to you. He's wishing you Happy Christmas.
Yes, Aunt Win. (No he f**king isn't, you stupid old bat! And if he keeps it up there'll be dog crap on the toe of my shoe and dog snot on the ceiling the moment you're out of the room!)

My behaviour is probably a little overreaction but at least I'm honest about it. The dog, by the way, never left her side so it's probably more intelligent than I give it credit.

Hmmmm. Thank you. Jules. I've just come to the conclusion that my reaction to some "animal lovers" is probably the same as my reaction to the religious for the same reason. The desire for there to be "something more" despite what rational thought would tell you is really happening.

So, I will eat anything but I have to know where it came from. I don't mind something beeing killed so I can eat it but I hate the thought of unnecessary pain (except for Aunt Win's dog but that's just payback) or other suffering. I only eat organic meat from local farms when I'm cooking and I'd never chow down on a family pet. Probably.

Neil

For lunch, I had smoked mackerel pat?. Caught, killed (humanely), smoked and pat?ed by my own fair hands. Oh, but if I'd been offered a couple of legs from the neighbours bird-eating, garden ruining crapmachine tabby...

mmmmmmmmm! ]:)

What I really like is children

But I can rarely manage a whole one...

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"Do animals go to heaven?"

by jardinier In reply to No, not a complete cynic

You're losing your grip, Neil, if you didn't see that was a DELIBERATE joke aimed at your well-known atheism.

As for whether dogs and cats REALLY love you, then I suppose that would depend on your experience with particular animals. As you don't like pets, then presumably you have never bothered to develop a close relationship with an animal.

As my family always had dogs and/or cats, it is my experience that yes in fact SOME pets HAVE loved me.

But then I belief in "God" in my own peculiar way, and so following your logic I have only "imagined" that certain pets did love me.

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of course I saw the joke, Jules

by neilb@uk In reply to "Do animals go to heaven? ...

if that is what it was. We know each other better than that.

Love from animals? I suppose that you'll have to define the term before I could even begin to agree with you.

Dogs and cats are very, very different. Truth be known, I really quite like some dogs though I don't have one of my own because I couldn't commit to giving it enough time. Their pack instincts do make them good, loyal companions but it's not "love", though, in any of the ways that I define the word. Not even in a small way.

As for being "loved" by a cat? No way! If there was ever a can-opener that could be used by paws, our entire species would be abandoned without a backward glance.

I suspect we'll continue to go our separate ways. Feel free to offer me sympathy for my lack...

Neil

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Please define "love"

by jardinier In reply to "Do animals go to heaven? ...

Until I know how you define love, I cannot make any comparison with the experience I have had with animals.

I started this thread in the first place because I can readily relate to every item listed. Most are humorous, but apt nonetheless.

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Alas, Jules, you miss the point again

by neilb@uk In reply to "Do animals go to heaven? ...

You define it.

You, after all, are the one who maintains that animals possess the ability to love.

I am simply someone who covers them in barbecue sauce...

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Love

by jardinier In reply to "Do animals go to heaven? ...

"an intense feeling of deep affection or fondness for a person or thing; great liking." (Oxford dictionary)

But of course animals cannot possess feeling because they are only potential food.

Neil, I am sickened and disgusted that your callous cynicism has turned what was intended to be a reasonable discussion into a parody.

I was starting to really respect you as sincere in your beliefs, but in this discussion I see that you are only here to make mischief.

May God have mercy on your wretched soul.

I participate in these discussions for the purpose of exchanging ideas and experiences in a civil atmosphere.

To you it is just a big game.

From my viewpoint your cynicism makes you a loser in this world where decent people try and make a positive input.

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