General discussion


marriage in this day and age

By Lumbergh77 ·
Somebody sent me the links to the following 2 websites:

They paint a really bleak picture of marriage today.

I've always thought that it would be cool to someday find a good girl and get married. I'm not so optimistic about my chances of finding the one. I'm in my late 20s and it seems that most of the women my age around here are either single mothers, obese, divorced, smokers, or drink/party too much. I can't seem to find anyone that I would want to date, let alone live with for decades.

It seems that marriage is a HUGE risk for a guy these days considering that more than half end in divorce. The laws seem to favor the women and the men are financially screwed. There are lots of marriages that end merely because the woman is no longer happy and "emotionally fulfilled". This kind of stuff didn't happen 50 years ago.

How many of you guys are happily married? Unhappily married? Or single by choice?

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You're right

by maecuff In reply to marriage in this day and ...

50 years ago women didn't leave. They just stayed and endured physical and/or emotional abuse, infidelity, etc. Why would ANYONE, male or female, stay in a relationship that is unhappy? And what is wrong with being emotionally fulfilled? Are you suggesting that females should settle for a life devoid of emotion for the sake of a marriage?

A happy marriage takes work from both sides and it is right and fair that both participants are happy and fulfilled.

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Now Mae that is just the Political BS that has been spun around the issue

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to You're right

50 Years ago women where having affairs just like the men in their lives the only difference now is that we have DNA testing so the Husband can prove that the child he is expected to pay for isn't really his but someone else's. In the past that just wasn't possible to prove so many males where left to pay for the upbring of others children.

If memory serves me right I think it was something like 25% of all children where not the biological offspring of their supposed fathers.

I'm not advocating the requirement to stay in abuse relationships but on the other hand it has just got way too easy to walk out on a marriage today and the need to work at it is removed. The term Abusive Relation ship has also been vastly changed as well as now something as simple as a normal argument between couples is construed as Abuse by the male against the female. In my humble experience it is always the females who bring up stuff from 30 years ago when in an argument where as most males can only think of the immediate things that have happened.

Col ]:)

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by maecuff In reply to Now Mae that is just the ...

I did not mean to imply that men are more to blame than women for failed relationships either 50 years ago or now. The original post, however, says that marriage is a bad idea for men and that women bail out because they are unhappy or emotionally unfulfilled. I was trying to point out that being able to easily leave a relationship isn't necessarily a bad thing. And, regardless of who does what, and yes, there ARE abused husbands, but for the most part, when there is a relationship where one party is physically abused, it is the woman.

I'm not suggesting that at the first sign of adversity that a marriage should end. It takes effort to have a good relationship. But that effort has to be shared, or there isn't much hope. My first husband cheated on me. A lot. I caught him three weeks before our son was born. So, I'd have to say, in that case, I was UNHAPPY. My second husband, which I will admit was an horrid mistake on my part, actually told me that he felt, as a human being, that he was superior to me. When I asked him why, he said because he was male, that I was raised very poor and his family had money and because I was Catholic. In that case, I'd say I was not emotionally fulfilled. It's stupid for anyone to stay in a relationship that is crap just because you are SUPPOSED to stay in a relationship. What does that get you? A medal? Points?

With that said, I can honestly say that I am pro marriage. I've been with my husband for 10 years now and we're nearly always happy and nearly always emotionally satisfied. It's not always easy, but we both work at it.

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Funnily enough Mae

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Col

That was exactly my point marriages are way to easy to get into and to get out of now days. Many people instead of first getting to know someone just marry then with the idea "If I don't like it I can always get a divorce!" It works both ways.

Personally I'm not in favor of either of them as everything is NOW for ME! By so many people.

And for some unknown reason they think that they have a God Given Right to do as they please without any repercussions for their stupidity.

Col ]:)

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6 words you need to know...

by jck In reply to Funnily enough Mae

that'll save ya a lot of money if she divorces ya:

American wedding license....

Hidden Cayman account....

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Not a problem for me

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to 6 words you need to know. ...

I have "She who Must Be Obeyed" trained perfectly she knows that I'll just agree with her when ever she starts out a fight and it drives her nuts. When she asks where I've been I alway reply with a fast woman who's shown me a great time.

When she accuses me of being uncaring or whatever I say you don't know the half of it. :)

It's very hard to keep an argument going when the person you wish to tear into is agreeing with you or going even further and making out that they are far worse that you are originally claiming.

Lesson Number 1 Never under any circumstances argue with a woman!

If they tell you it is a lovely day outside and there is a force 5 Hurricane blowing the state away just agree with them. If they tell you that the weather outside is foul and it's a nice sunny day that is too good to go to work on just agree with then and take the day off owing to the bad weather, She never tell you that one again after you have been under her feet all day.

Lesson Number 2 Refer to Lesson Number 1.

Lesson Number 3 Never buy presents on the spur of the moment as it makes you look guilty of something that you haven't actually done!

Lesson Number 4 If you slip up and forget Lesson Number 3 refer to Lesson Number 1.

Col ]:)

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Be blind!

by Ken_shin In reply to Not a problem for me

To have a successful marriage: just turn the bad things into good by looking at the wonderful thngs that you're partner have. Dont deal with the mistakes or the things that you partner doesnt have.. focus on what he/she has possess.

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Society is changing

by TonytheTiger In reply to Now Mae that is just the ...

Yep, and 50 years ago, if a person was caught cheating in a marriage, there was a cost. Now vows and promises are worthless. And while some states still have "fault" marriage laws on the books, that particular dog no longer has any teeth!

It is impossible for everybody to be perfectly happy 100% of the time, and I think we've gone too far in putting the comfort of an individual above the stability of a society!

I have no problem with two people growing apart and wanting to end their relationship, but if you can't keep it in your pants until it is ended, you deserve to lose everything when it does end. And that's a gender-neutral statement.

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by CuteElf In reply to You're right

Sing it, sister!

I will not subject myself to a relationship that I do not feel uncomfortable with.

On a regular basis I ask myself if I'm happy: and what do I need to do to adjust it?

When dating, I ask if I'm happy, yes, ok? Fine.
Not ok? what? Hmm. Talk, my issue, his issue...or core belief? Nah. Just bad day.

You know in your TOES when you fit someone. And you can fit someone, and change enough to not fit in a few years. Change happens. You either choose to pursue the relationship or you say, hasta la vista.

Can be un-simple with money and children and property involved.

Make a list of who you are.
Make a list of what you want in a friend.
Make a list of what you like in bed.

Find a person who is a lot of all 3.


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by jdclyde In reply to AMEN!

That list of compatability should have been thought of before you have 10 to 20 year invested in a marrage that has children.

To wait till you have the children to decide that your "not fullfilled" and run off with the neighbor is dispicable and should be looked down upon as the low life that person is. (regardless if the man or woman leaves like that).

To start looking at the green fields on the other side of the fence down the road just shows someone with no morals or character. That person is to be loathed. It would change the way I look at anyone that would do that.

If the chosen mate is abusive then that isn't even apart of this same discussion, so don't throw that in.

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