Me, myself & I

Or a quick slap up side the head. Remedial English classes also come to mind. Let's be real here: if Forrest Gump can do it, I expect my CxO and the senior veepees to be able to do it as well.

I have no idea why otherwise intelligent people mangle the language as if it doesn't matter. I don't think it ever occurs to them that half (or more) of their audience is snickering and thinking "What a moron!" because they can't demonstrate proper use of the English language. It is not that hard to distinguish between subjective and objective, singular and plural, and match case and tense [u]if you are paying attention.[/u]

Maybe that's it; nobody American is paying attention any more. It would explain a lot.

I myself have just about given up.

My personal favourite. What does it mean? An unqualified "yes"? "I heard you." "My dog like his evening walk?"

Myself is one I hear more from my transplanted team mates. What I have discovered is that a short and sweet conversation can correct the problem. And I don't much care WHERE the team mate originates from.

The problem is the English language and the fact that we use unfamiliar tenses. OK- over it now. What I found after working in Quebec was that my French improved because I was making the same kinds of errors and someone was good enough to take me aside and tell me about it.

Now. If the person who is sending you this is a native born American... TELL them. They may WANT to know just how ignorant they sound!

P.S. My personal peeve is "irregardless", followed by a localism- Borrow me as opposed to loan or lend me. GRRRR!

I thought it was bad enough in local government, but healthcare really takes the biscuit.

Apart from not being able to gramatically correct anything written, this place is notorious for the use of acronyms. The first day I started here, I was totally dumbfounded at the constant use of acronyms in every sentence; as an "outsider" I was floundering. Lo and behold, a quick google and I found the NHS Acronym dictionary, and have been using it ever since! How else would I have ever found out what a CECU (pronounced keck-you)was?!

It's the management speak that gets me really riled; my last boss "took a view" on everything, had "off-line conversations" and constantly had "brain storming" meetings! X-(

The misuse of the English language always reminds me of Mrs. Malaprop, and the trouble and consternation that caused. I used to have my own "Mrs. Malaprop" in the form of my grandmother, who used to tell everyone that before she moved to Geordieland, she lived in a house with a vegetable on the front.......! :D

(vestibule, for those of you who didn't get it! :p )

Incidentally: my last boss was dyslexic - and refused to use either a spelling or grammar checker.... you have NO IDEA of the terminology that got through into some policies! :D :p

GG

One place where I did some consulting work for the owner was illiterate. Not just couldn't spell anything but could hardly write anything down let alone sign a check.

Provided that he didn't answer the phone, take any messages or speak to customers everything was A OK, but all Hell Broke Loose when he actually got involved in the day to day running of the business.

I had a note left for me which really was a jumble of letters that had absolutely no meaning in any form of English so I went to one of the staff for a translation.

Apparently the PT stood for Peter the RU stood for Rang You rof actually meant for and so on I just gave up attempting to understand anything that he wrote after that.

Then the best one possible way back before we where using CAT 5 Cable remember the old Coax 50 Ohm stuff setup as a Token Ring? Well he just had to have two computers networked no matter what immediately so I ran a fly lead between the two as there was no way known that I could run the complete token ring in the 25 minutes that I had available to me. Actually I couldn't have even crimped on BNC Sockets and placed straight connectors on all the necessary connections as naturally the machines where at opposite ends of the ring so no direct connection. He was appalled by the fact that I actually ran a Fly Lead between the 2 computers and insisted that I pull that lead through the walls in a prefab building totally made of concrete where the cable had already been pulled and just needed finishing off the setup. If I had of been left alone it would have been working correctly by next morning but of course no matter how long I had told him the delivery & installation would take this one just had to be done now before the business opened. So I did exactly as instructed and taped the fly lead to the floor tiles so no one could trip over it till I could get the complete installation up & running. Then he wanted it removed but still have a LAN connection between the 2 computers.

Took about 4 hours the next mourning to get everything installed and working from the Token Ring point of view as I just had leads hanging out of the walls so I had to crimp these into Face Plates and mount them add any connectors that where necessary and makeup the necessary leads for the other computers.

The same guy destroyed a brand new NB within 20 minutes of me delivering it. When he showed me exactly where he wanted it installed I suggested that maybe directly under a Base Station wasn't such a great place as if the Mic fell it would swing on it's lead and smash anything in it's road like the NB's Screen. I'll let you guess what happened before I even got out of that office. :D

I suggested that this wasn't covered by the Guarantee and that he would have to pay for the repair which upset him no end as he felt that his stupidity shouldn't be held against him and the NB's maker should fix an obviously faulty product after all if a 500 gram Mic couldn't hit the screen without smashing it the unit was badly made and poorly designed. :^0

Anyway knowing that there was no way to get it repaired UG I rang the suppliers asked for a price on a new monitor and found out that it was about $200.00 more than a new NB so I just brought an entire new NB and swapped over the monitor. Then when he broke something I had plenty of spares at hand and could fix things almost immediately. That made him so happy. :D

God only knows how he passed his test for a Pilots License the entire thing must have been multiple choice and he must have been given a copy of the exam paper so he knew which box to mark. It was about that time that I stopped flying anywhere as with him in the air even in a light aircraft I no longer expected the sky's to be safe.

Col

So I can actually use that phrase...

I played percussion, and one delightful young lady commented on how the timpani looked like b00bs....

Let your imaginations run wild.

Edited to add:

I just have to add a story from band camp, but as Dmambo might read it, I will keep it pure...

Once upon a time in band camp....
...we did concerts at the end of the week at various places in the area, mostly seniors homes, but one was at a "Mental" hospital as they were called then. The place actually housed some people declared "criminally insane".

I was playing percussion and we had one piece that absolutely featured the entire percussion section banging out loud for all we had. We were all arranged in a line, playing away, when I heard a drum behind me....

I turned to see one of the patients with a marching type tenor drum, playing away with us. He wasn't half bad either. He did try to leave with the band though.

He was probably more sane than some of our teachers.

James
James

I grew up in Wisconsin - I thought it was just da Yupers dat talked dat way!

If you haven't already read it, I would recommend this book to you. Reading this book yourselfwon't help your coworkers (unless you convince them to read it as well), but it will help you identify the errors in a more consistent way.

I rarely use 'myself', instead I say call "me" or I am going to Paris.....

James

I can't believe no one has hit on my least favorite misuse of English yet. If it's loose, tighten it! If you lose it, go find it! I'd just like to hit the offenders with a clue by four until they see the light.

我希望你慢慢死，但快点下地狱我希望你慢慢死，但快点下地狱

I've taken the arms off of my chair.....