IT Employment

Ask something
Discussion Locked

Mishandled a co-worker

0 helpful
3 replies

by kethry127

Closed to new repliesThis discussion is closed. It stays readable, but it takes no new replies.
I've totally bungled a relationship with a co-worker. She is the kind of person that learned to something and now every time she wants to achieve that goal, it must be done the same way. I'm pretty much the opposite, I'll look at which ever methodis most effect at the time. My co-worker keeps telling the rest of the team how her last job did things and disparaging us for not managing the same way. Our group is fairly new and the concepts we are using are new to the company. We were give ajoint assignment which has been difficult for us to complete given our differing approaches. Yesterday she asked me why no one liked her, and I tried to wiggle out and said I need a break. She followed me to the coffee shop next to the office and demanded that I answer her. I did. She's now extemely upset and alternating between threatening to quit or show me. My boss will be back in the office. Even though this happened off campus. I feel I have to tell him. Any recommendations on handling her?

3 replies

by this5is5mine

There is a way to tell people they are fired and have them thank you afterwards. Maybe there was also a way to tell her what she wanted to know, but still be on good terms. Something like:
We all appreciate what you have brought to our discussions and systems. It is always nice to know the different ways that things can be done. The rest of the staff feels like they want to try new ideas that might fit our particular situation differently. Once they are allowed to try the new way, it might fail; but it may be better for our circumstances. They just want to try their ideas, as well as yours.
If she is still mad after this,then maybe the staff should approach the boss (two or three) in a meeting and discuss the issue. At this point,she may have to attend such a meeting anyway.

by jkaras

I always hated these situations, however honesty is the best policy. Nobody wants to be lied to and even attempting to spare feelings can backlash when they find out you weren't truthful. She asked for the truth and you gave it to her, hopefully notrudely. Some people are opinionated and cant take critisim well, that's their problem not yours. You need to clarify with her that all aspects of discussions brings about the best solution is the goal of a team. Conformity and yes men doesnt help the situation but critism works both ways. Everyone was raised in differnt environments that require a certain amount tanacity to be heard. She doesnt need to change, just be more political or less pushy. You unfortunately are going to be the brunt of "way to go, couldnt you have just lied"? Truth be told when I managed for a short time these types of arguements blow over quickly and usually the other tends to become closer to you seeing you as a true friend that wont lie to them. Hopefully you wont mind being her friend, if not welcome to hell.

by kethry127

I talked to our contracting company and they setup a teleconference with my boss. He was generally amused and not particularly surprised. Apparently he considered there would be a blow up between us given our methods of acheiving. He feels that I stand a better shot at widening her work world view and will be able convert her ideas into methodology we can use. I don't think I can ever be friends with her, but I think I can step back far enough to achieve my boss's goals. Fun thing is, she's been telling the rest of the team how cruel I am to her, while I'm in with management saving her.

This discussion is closed to new replies.