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Monday Mirth - New Element Discovered

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by deepsand

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A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known. The new element has been tentatively named Governmentium.

Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, and are surrounded by a vast cloud of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.

However, it can be easily detected, as its presence impedes any and all reactions. A minute amount of Governmentium will cause a reaction that normally takes less than 1 second to complete, over 4 days to run to completion.

Governmentium has a half-life of 3 years; however, it does not decay, but rather undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Govenmentium's mass generally increases over time, since each reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, thus forming even heavier isodopes.

This characteristic of "moron promotion" leads some scientists to speculate that Govermentium is naturally formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the Critical Morass.

33 replies

by dafe2

Includes more holes, with many wanabe peons lips pressed firmly against them.

by dafe2

Just an off the cuff comment...(Not nearly as CREATIVE as yours ;-).......nice job.

Canadian Parliment is made up of A-Holes with crapload of Lobbyist stuck to their asses................

Now that I think about it: At least the States, during the Clinton years, at least he moved the females to the 'front' end. LOL

by tony hopkinson

Govenmentium does have electrons, called the electorate, they are gradually lost through non spontaneous decay.

As this point the element goes through a phase change, the ion attracts an enormous amount of negativity generating selectrons ( unproven conjecture due to the enormous energy requirements).
Switches to one of it's other istropic forms such as socialisticum and behaves much more rationally for a time before re-newing the decay cycle.

The mechanisms for which isotropic form governmentium will take on after the phase change are as yet poorly understood.

by deadly ernest

I saw the first draft report of this about 45 years ago. It was a private researcher who discovered it, after he found the substance it took hime 4 days to ascertain the above details. However, such a major advance in basic physics require a full investigation and confirmation by a government laboratory. Their final report, a word for word copy of the original, was put forward after 3.5 years and only just approved for release last month.

by deepsand

the presence of the element in question, given its property of acting as a retardent, might we not then consider the possibility that it may be useful with regards to extending the human life span?

Assuming that such proves successful, what is your estimate of the time required to secure FDA approval?

by jaqui

would be approximately 150 years.
you know how slow government moves at the best of times, toss a retardent into the mix, give up all hope of seeing anything done

by deadly ernest

150 years - you are an optomist, that is just to get the request lodged.

Murphy's law -

"Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong."

O'Shaunasey's derivative -

"Murphy was an optomist."

by deadly ernest

so sue me for typographical or spelling errors - I have nothing and you are welcome to as much of that nothing as you want.

by salamander

I shall have to pass information on this scientific discovery on to those who can put it to good use...

Several years ago, a policy wonk friend of mine had a T-shirt that said something to the effect of: "I'm from government, and I'm here to help."

Uh-huh.

by tony hopkinson

phrase, have you ever heard anyone complain of being in shallow sh1t ?
Tee Hee

I'm from the government, BUT I'm here to help would stretch a rational person's credulity after all.

by bhunsinger

Sure I'll respect you in the morning
I won't c**** in you mouth,
And I'm from the goverment and I'm here to help you

by hal 9000

Just in case some aggrieved man wanted to blow his private parts away because he used them on their wife/girlfriend. :p

Col ]:)

by deepsand

With a .50 caliber, full jacketed slug, she's dead & he'll have no further need for any woman.

by hal 9000

I'm from the Government and I'm here to help you and on the back it reads I'm going to totally screw up your life.

Col ]:)

by hal 9000

Isn't it? And people wonder just why I refuse to do any Government work now days. :p

I've had my fill of bashing my head against a brick wall in an attempt to do things properly now I just leave it to someone else to not only screw up but attempt to fix up after the damage has been done. :D

Col ]:)

by deepsand

Now, please just take the ball & run with it.

And, if you've the need, I'll share my nothings with you.

by sleepin'dawg

A man who wakes up in the morning with his nose in his wife's armpit and is afraid to open his eyes!!!

Dawg

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