Monday Mirth – New Element DiscoveredLocked
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known. The new element has been tentatively named Governmentium.
Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, and are surrounded by a vast cloud of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.
However, it can be easily detected, as its presence impedes any and all reactions. A minute amount of Governmentium will cause a reaction that normally takes less than 1 second to complete, over 4 days to run to completion.
Governmentium has a half-life of 3 years; however, it does not decay, but rather undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Govenmentium’s mass generally increases over time, since each reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, thus forming even heavier isodopes.
This characteristic of “moron promotion” leads some scientists to speculate that Govermentium is naturally formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the Critical Morass.