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  • #2259303

    Monday Watercooler


    by neilb@uk ·

    Not the best of weekends. Went down to Brighton with my mate and his family yesterday to take my Goddaughter and friends out in the boat for an 11th birthday treat but the weather was bad so we toured the harbour.

    We went out to the harbour entrance to watch the coastguard shepherd in a yacht with a broken mast and, just as we were turning back in, we got swamped by a ten foot wave from out of nowhere and everyone got thrown around the boat. Mostly scrazes and bumps except for yours truly who cracked his head and split open the top of his ear.

    I would like to announce that socialised medicine [b]can[/b] work – even on a Sunday evening. Got seen in A&E in twenty minutes (ER). Gorgeous Nurse Practitioner was immune to my attempted flirt: “How many of me can you see?” “Only one – but two wouldn’t be such a bad thing”. She made arrangements for me to see an ENT surgeon who stitched the cut in my ear (nine! ouch!) while nurses gave the kids hot chocolate and biscuits and we were all on our way home in a couple of hours.

    I haven’t seen the stitching as I’m bound up like something out of “The Return of the Mummy” but my Goddaughter and friends (the ones who’d look) saw it before the dressing went on and reckon that it’s “really cool – better than your other one” so I’m reassured.

    A couple of days off watching Discovery Channel and STNG reruns can’t be so bad…

All Comments

  • Author
    • #3229368

      hey dad

      by jck ·

      In reply to Monday Watercooler

      sorry to hear about the mishap with the ear.

      Should I bring the beer over? 😀

      • #3229355

        Yep – and pick up a curry

        by neilb@uk ·

        In reply to hey dad

        I’ve checked the antibiotics and there’s no mention of alcohol. 🙂

        The ear’s (probably) OK. The split was a bit over an inch long but because it went right through the cartilage, they put in lots of stitches. I’ll see my doc tomorrow and have the bandage off and let him have a look at it.

        The sympathy from my workmates has been profound – not!

        From my boss: Neil, I’m sorry to hear about your accident. I’ve stopped your team making ear jokes. I said “Ear jokes”. Oh, for God’s sake “EAR JOKES!” Oh, forget it.

        Neil 😀

        • #3230030

          daft workmates and beer

          by jck ·

          In reply to Yep – and pick up a curry

          No pints for the workmates then. I’ll bring the curry…

          BTW…know anyone in Ireland who wants to hire me? Hell…I’d even be open to Edinburgh or Newcastle.

          God, I hate the EU regulations. 2 companies now have wanted to talk to me, but can’t until after they interview and discount all remotely qualified candidates.

          OK…it’s Monday. I’ll try not to complain too much. Ooops…too late… 😀

          I’ll bring double the beer…good pain reliever 🙂

        • #3230016

          Well at least you’ll probably

          by ontheropes ·

          In reply to Yep – and pick up a curry

          get some sympathy from Mae. 😐


        • #3229995

          Of course he’ll

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to Well at least you’ll probably

          get my sympathy. I’m NICE. Sheesh, how many times do I have to say that??

        • #3229971

          I know you’re nice and I’ll tell that to anyone.

          by ontheropes ·

          In reply to Of course he’ll

          After all, I’m still “walking around” relatively intact. B-)

        • #3229970

          Thank you..

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to I know you’re nice and I’ll tell that to anyone.

          I feel much better now. Well, better than Neil at least. 🙂

        • #3201961

          When the boss said that, you should have shown

          by deadly ernest ·

          In reply to Yep – and pick up a curry

          true British aplomb and said ” ‘Ear, ‘ear.” in agreement. Or maybe you didn’t like the sound of that.

    • #3229354


      by tig2 ·

      In reply to Monday Watercooler

      Neil, you aren’t supposed to try to remove your ear. Van Gogh tried it too- bad result.

      I don’t know about daytime TV over there. Here it is like being sentenced to hard labour. 250 channels and NOTHING of merit to watch. Sad, really.

      As you know, my weekend involved pain too- just different pain. If this morning is any indication, my week will involve pain as well. Oh well…

      Pass the ibuprophen, please!

      • #3230017


        by neilb@uk ·

        In reply to OUCH!

        Our (for once) wonderful National Health Service sent me on my way with nine stitches, dressing, antibiotics, ibuprophen and paracetamol with no charge. I don’t use ibuprophen so if I could email it to you, I would.

        Your pains are earned and – if they have to be borne – should be done with pride.

        My pain is because neither me nor the guy at the wheel were watching the sea – always wrong when the weather is bad. We were lucky no-one went overboard with a half dozen 11 year old girls on board so I’m feeling OK. They’ve all got a tale to tell though some of them may not want to come next time. 🙂

        Neil 😀

    • #3230012

      Poor baby..

      by maecuff ·

      In reply to Monday Watercooler

      This may be twisted, but I’d almost welcome some stitches in the head to stay home for a few days. It’s been pretty sucky here lately and I’d like to stick my head in the sand for a bit.

      Maybe this story about my weekend will cheer you up..

      So my 8 year old son and I were watching reruns of ‘Buffy’ in my bedroom. My husband’s eyes were closed, so I assumed he was asleep. Out of nowhere, my son says “Mom, why does it seem like sometimes you have a bone in your penis?” Okay, now my husband, who was NOT asleep, starts quietly laughing, but doesn’t open his eyes or offer to help or anything. I said, “What do you mean?” And then he SHOWS me what he means. I told him to put it back away and that that happens sometimes and that it was called an erection. He starts laughing and I thought it was over..but no. Then he says, “Why would anyone get an erection?” Now, the whole bed is shaking, because my husband is laughing so hard. Quietly, of course, because he STILL isn’t going to help me with this. So, I tell my son, he doesn’t need an erection. At least not yet. And that you have to have an erection when you get older in order to have sex. Which cracks the little one up even more. Then he starts going into this Robin Williams rant about his rock hard weiner schnitzel (sp?) and how it’s doing the cha cha. I started laughing so hard, I couldn’t even speak, which made Joey continue. I could’t even tell you all the things he said, I can’t remember, I just know it was funny. I finally got myself under control enough to tell him to stop and to go brush his teeth and get ready for bed. After he leaves the room, I physically assaulted my husband for leaving me to twist out there all alone.

      Joey comes back in the room, and says “Seriously, mom. This happens to me two or three times a week. I try pushing on it to make it go away, but that doesn’t work.” I told him that touching it will only make it worse and to just leave it alone and it will be fine. And I told him to never repeat that whole story to either of his grandmothers.

      The joys of parenting little boys…

      • #3230000


        by jellimonsta ·

        In reply to Poor baby..

        Too funny mae!! 🙂

      • #3229993

        Ha ha ha

        by neilb@uk ·

        In reply to Poor baby..

        I would guess that your husband will pay and pay for [b]that[/b] one!

        I would also bet that grannies would understand, though, as most of them have been where you are now. Ask your ma-in-law (discretely) for similar tales about hubby as a pre-teen and then use them in a lesson for your son – and a different lesson for his father.


      • #3229988

        You could have at least put a make up alert on that one Mae!

        by gadgetgirl ·

        In reply to Poor baby..


        You and Tig are out to get me today!!

        Mae, that was hilarious. That’s the best muttleyfit I’ve had in weeks. Personally, if I’d been in the same position (DE) with hubby, I’d have threatened to snap his bone….. 😀 :p

        If he DOES remember NOT to tell his grandmothers, you can bet your bottom dollar he’ll remember to tell his teacher.

        At Sunday School!!


        • #3229977

          Sunday School

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to You could have at least put a make up alert on that one Mae!

          isn’t much of a problem as he doesn’t go.. School? He starts this Wednesday. I don’t THINK he’d walk around telling that least I hope not. He loves to get a laugh, so, who knows.

        • #3199602

          As a former Sunday School teacher

          by vanessaj ·

          In reply to You could have at least put a make up alert on that one Mae!

          for more than 15 years, of the right age for those questions, I can say that I had to dodge a few of exactly those type of questions on occasion. If the parents were responsible, I would just tell them that it was a question for their (appropriate sex) parent. If I knew the parents and didn’t trust them to give a healthy, non-threatened answer, which was rare, but happened, I had one of the men sit down with the kid and his parents together and help explain everything. I know it helped everybody out.

          Funny story, though. I don’t know how you regained your composure.

      • #3229784

        Wish I could find that cartoon

        by jdclyde ·

        In reply to Poor baby..

        A boy and a girl have their “Toy Story” figures out and are playing.

        The girl says “I have a buzz!”

        The boys says “I have a woody!”

        Strangely, they find themselves having that exact same conversation at a bar, years later…..


      • #3201794

        Mae, good explanation

        by dmambo ·

        In reply to Poor baby..

        I remember when my boy was about 7, we were washing dishes and he asked me if “dick” was a bad word. I told him that dick is a word that is used to mean penis, and that some people think that it’s vulgar, so he shouldn’t use it with people that might be offnded, like Nana. Then he said, “So what about Dick Tracy?” That caused me to go into a longer explanation. He thinks for a minute and asks “What about the word “a$$h0le?” I said that it’s considered a swear and that a$$ is another word for a donkey, but it’s also a vulger word for your rear end. His eyes got like saucers and in a shocked voice he asks “So your a$$h0le is your butt hole?!” At that point I was cracking up and my wife had to finish the dishes.

        • #3201787


          by maecuff ·

          In reply to Mae, good explanation

          we had a similar conversations regarding the word ‘cockroach’. It degenerated quickly and the boy milked for a laugh for as long as he could before getting in trouble.

    • #3230004

      My weekend was quiet.

      by ontheropes ·

      In reply to Monday Watercooler

      My daughter and her husband just had another wedding anniversary so they went to Niagara Falls on the Canadian side.

      To keep the pups happy I bought two nearly identical toys. Yoda had his ripped open within the first five minutes, literally, and spread stuffing EVERYWHERE. Oreo played keep away from Yoda with his toy all weekend.

      It [b]is[/b] kind of fun to buy a toy that squeaks for when the kids take Oreo upstairs to ?their? place. 😀 He loves his squeaky toys and cries :_| when he can?t play with them. Somehow, it makes putting up with their annoying cell phone ring tones more tolerable.

      Fixed up some stuff, tore some stuff apart getting ready to fix it, cleaned up some stuff, took my wife out to dinner, stayed up late, (research…) and posted my monthly allotment of stoopid stuff to TR.

      I have a couple, three-four things to do this morning. I just can?t remember what they are yet. Need more coffee.

    • #3229989

      Pretty good weekend!

      by jellimonsta ·

      In reply to Monday Watercooler

      We just had our roof replaced and a new skylight (actually a solar tube) in the bathroom, and we are enjoying that. Our foster daughter was in respite care for the weekend, and our daughter stayed at Grandma’s and Grandpa’s.
      It was my wife’s b-day on Friday, so we went out for dinner and then went to the theatre (an outdoors theatre) to see ‘The Matchmaker’. It was a good show, and very funny.
      Saturday we went to the local water park (the biggest in the US), and although it was a little cold (due to being cloudy), it was a good time. We watched a movie on Saturday night and relaxed. We were celebrating our 8 year anniversary on Saturday (although it is not until tomorrow).
      On Sunday, we took it easy for the most part and picked up the kids. All in all, a pretty darn good weekend, and not a split ear in sight! 🙂

      • #3229986

        Solar tube

        by neilb@uk ·

        In reply to Pretty good weekend!

        I have no windows in my bathroom. I know that it’s early days but how do you rate the solar tube?

        My roof only slopes one-way and that is due East but I like the idea of daylight and half a day of sunshine.

        • #3229976


          by jellimonsta ·

          In reply to Solar tube

          Our bathroom had no window either, and was always very, very dark. We got a 14″ solar tube put in while they were replacing the roof.
          Put it this way, we are calling them up today to see how much it will be to put one in the kitchen now. 🙂
          It is very white light, but pulls a ton of it in. It is not all that esthetically appealing from the outside (looks like a periscope on the roof), but inside looks good, and does a great job.

        • #3229923

          Jelli’s right again

          by ontheropes ·

          In reply to Solar tube

          The Solar Tubes are awesome. They’re going into our new house, whenever we can get around to building it. 😐

          Here’s a UK link if that’s any help to you:

        • #3229915


          by neilb@uk ·

          In reply to Jelli’s right again

          Very useful. Price is less than it might be. My place is a split-level in a strange shaped block with no windows on North or South so these would really suit.

          Thanks again!


        • #3229867

          Lift the tube to the crest of the roof and get all light possible…

          by x-marcap ·

          In reply to Solar tube

          Just a suggestion…

    • #3229899

      A DIY tip

      by tony hopkinson ·

      In reply to Monday Watercooler

      If having purchased several bags of floor leveling compound, you then walk past the tools section where they sell whisk attachments for your power drill.
      BUY ONE.

      Second DIY tip with floor levelling compound.
      The instructions on the bag are ‘erm ambiguous. It’s says mix into thick paste (By hand with stick because whisks are for pussies). Then add water ’til it self levels. (Huh). Then stand for two minutes. No problem.

      The thing is, if you get the self levelling and standing bit exactly right, you end up with a quick set rock hard level surface right at the top of your bucket !

      So lets mix up another one, shops are shut, where’s me bit of wood and another bucket.

      My grandaughter was well impressed with my permanent sandcastle though !

      Right tiling, mix up 3-4 measures of powder with one measure of water.

      Boo Hoo

      Came to work for a rest, but I can’t fold my arms any more and I’ve abraded the tips off my two typing fingers.

    • #3229783

      Last week without Thing Two!

      by jdclyde ·

      In reply to Monday Watercooler

      After the boys spend this week with their female-parental-unit, it will mark the last time for Thing Two, as he has decided he wants to live with me full time! (Sweet!) Thing One is hanging on for a bit, I think because he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. (go ahead! Hurt them! ]:) )

      Anyways, this will have me doing “happy dance” all week long! B-)

      • #3229778


        by jellimonsta ·

        In reply to Last week without Thing Two!

        Very cool news JD. All good things to those who wait! 😀

        • #3229766

          It has me feeling real upbeat!

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Cool

          Even my six hour ride to do an hours worth of work didn’t dampen my spirits! 😀

          only five more days to go! (and counting!)

        • #3229756

          Hung over @ work

          by jellimonsta ·

          In reply to It has me feeling real upbeat!

          Hope you can get away with being hung over @ work?
          You need to gets your drinking in for the next few days, once T2 get in, you need to set that good example! 😀 :p

        • #3229734

          The good thing about setting my own day

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Hung over @ work

          I go in and work on what I feel like.

          Might need a marition solitair game to get through a few mornings? ;\

          Find a way to amuse myself! 😀

          note: have never gotten a scotch hangover YET! The only problem might be was GG talking about gin. Dang, that sounded good! :p

      • #3229752

        This news

        by maecuff ·

        In reply to Last week without Thing Two!

        does not surprise me at all. That is SUCH good news, JD. Don’t worry about thing one..he’ll come around. It’s gotta be tough for them. I know when my stepdaughter finally decided to come here with us, she was sooo much happier, but the decision to leave her mother was very difficult and she DID feel guilty for a while, but she got over it and now she’s here. Driving me insane.

        We wouldn’t have it any other way. Although, she IS 21 now… aren’t they supposed to leave by then??

        • #3229749


          by jellimonsta ·

          In reply to This news

        • #3229735

          happyhappyjoyjoyhappyhappyjoy! :D

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to This news

          It does feel strange not having them here today, since the ex pretty much blew off her entire last week with them (all but two days), so I had them for three weeks. Was nice.

          How old was your stepdaughter when she made the jump?

          By the way, I am documenting this, but it is unofficial that Thing Two is making the switch. I will give it a bit. If he is living with me for a while, it would be much easier to walk in and out of court to get this offical as she allowed it and it was shown to work out.

          Just need to get Thing One to jump ship first! His first week alone at her place will be the telling time, but that won’t be for three more weeks as her week just started.

          Yes, I took them out and got the lions share of their school supplies taken care of, and just left binders and paper for her to purchase.

        • #3201913

          She came to stay with us

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to happyhappyjoyjoyhappyhappyjoy! :D

          just before her Junior year of highschool (just before she turned 16).

          She HATED me the first few months, wouldn’t look at me or talk to me, but I’m pretty sure that was a wierdly guided sense of loyalty to her mother. I gave her space and she eventually came around. Don’t get me wrong..things are STILL usually my fault. 🙂 It doesn’t matter how long her mother goes without calling her, or if she’s pissed off at her dad for something, I’m the one who gets either the cold shoulder, or berated for imaginary slights. On the other hand..when she’s feeling very low or not feeling well, she wants to sit by me and cuddle.

        • #3201857

          Kids are funny animals…..

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to She came to stay with us

          My bud has a stepson that is 12 and is JUST NOW starting to see his original spermdonor for the useless waste of air that he is.

          The only time he tries to come around is when his PARENTS want to see the boy. got to keep the parents happy because they have all the money!

          This is a guy that would sit there and watch the Freddy Krugger/Jason/chucky movies with an 8 year old, trying to be his buddy instead of his dad. He is YEARS behind on his support.

          That boy is a mouthy handful right now. How else would you react to know your “dad” would rather go party than spend time with you? And then when he does do something, it is just sit around and watch movies?

          Another bud also has problem with “dads” that really undermine the authority and do nothing to make the kids do homework or anything. It almost makes me feel guilty because my boys are so well mannered and adjusted. There are many times that I can’t talk about my boys, because it just highlights the troubles they are having now.

          Everywhere I go, people complement ME on my boys. Funny, they don’t go up to the ex and say the same thing when we are at the same functions?

          Do Dads get the credit/blame on how the kids turn out?

          I am able to give my friends advice on their kids, but it is based on my first hand experience of being a wild child more than from dealing with my boys. I understand kids, because I am just a big kid still.

          No tap backs!

        • #3201812

          We’re somewhat

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to Kids are funny animals…..

          permissive when it comes to movies, music, etc. Not that I’d let my 8 year old watch Nightmare on Elm Street, but he’s watched some movies that other parents are appalled by. Quite frankly, he’s always been pretty grounded and never suffered nightmares or issues with understanding the difference between fact and fiction.

          My kids are also well behaved. We get compliments all the time on how polite they are. It’s kind of funny to me, because I don’t see that as an accomplishment, more that they SHOULD behave that way.

          My older son is struggling with his relationship with his dad. His dad pretty much stepped out of his life years ago and has been attempting to reinsert himself now. My older son pretty much rebuffs his dad. I am of the opinion that it can’t HURT him to allow his dad back into his life for HIS sake, but I understand the level of mistrust. All in all, I’m leaving it up to him. Back child support? He still owes me around 10 grand. I’m at the point now that I’m going to have to hire an attorney to get it. I have a fairly good relationship with my ex, but my good-nature only goes so far.. 🙂

        • #3201802

          Movies and such

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to We’re somewhat

          I am more concerned with graphic sexual content than I am with violence. They know what violence is, and understand right from wrong and it is “only a movie”.

          At 14, I don’t think they need any help getting ideas. The fact that they were small and behind growing up so we held them back first grade, so they are only in 8th grade. Last thing I want is them to be sexually active in 8th grade!

          A side thought about the compliments of being polite that you got me thinking about Mae. Is it that our kids are above and beyond, or that because most other kids are mouthy brats that in comparison they shine so brightly?

          As for good nature, nice gets you very little in life. How did the line go in “road house”?

          [b]”I want you to be nice until it’s time not to be nice…”[/b]

          I have been treading VERY lightly around the money issue with the EX. I would rather go out and buy the stuff the boys need than to have her take me back to court and HAVE to hand HER money every month for child support. With her not making much, the courts would take a big chunk from me that I can’t afford even though we have them equal time. (this is fair how?) As if it is my fault she is not able to make it on her own somehow?

          I DID offer to pay all medical bills for the boys, and school expenses in exchange for her letting me have her tax credit (we each claim one) but she declined. I will just keep track and when she starts to make money I will have to sue her I guess. (AFTER the boys are 18)

        • #3201783

          That’s where we differ

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to We’re somewhat

          I am more concerned with extreme violence than sex. Extreme violence, to me, is more obscene than naked bodies. There isn’t anything WRONG with sex, but there is something wrong with people being blown to bits.

          My little one walked in while I watched a movie and he saw a naked breast. He got all antsy about it and I told him, “It’s just a breast, no big deal, we all have them.” He said, “Maybe so, but I don’t want to SEE it, that’s just gross.” 🙂

          Hopefully he’ll change his mind when he gets older..if not, I’ll just send him your way, JD and you can show him the ropes.. 🙂

        • #3201780


          by gadgetgirl ·

          In reply to We’re somewhat

          by all means send the little one to jd to get taught the ropes, but….

          [i] let me finish teaching jd the ropes first!!! [/i]



          off home, but will be online tonight to see just how far that goes into the gutter! 😀

        • #3201766

          Nothing TOO graphic

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to We’re somewhat

          we don’t watch hack’em stack’em shows. We don’t watch the guy getting chainsawed in scarface or dropped into the meat grinder in Taxi driver.

          The tough guy shows where everyone has leathal weapons disguised as hands are fair game though.

          A few nudie shots is fine, but I was refering to the “ski movies” and such that throw in a lot of sex to get teen boys to watch.

          We just bought “Caddy Shack” and watched that. They LOVED it. Only “oops” is from seeing it on TV so many times, I forgot about the sex scene! They got over it….

          As for teaching the ropes, I have been taking good notes during all of GG’s “sessions” and have the video tape going for review later on. ]:)

        • #3201800

          JD, you know very well

          by dmambo ·

          In reply to Kids are funny animals…..

          The only credit that matters for how kids turn out as they mature is the credit that the kids themselves give.

          As I’ve watched for the past year and a half, I think the Things will give plenty of credit where it’s due.

          Don’t worry if Thing Two holds back for a while. He might enjoy his space away from his brother for a while. And I’m sure that if his decision is based on loyalty to Mom, then it might cause some hard feelings between them. Maybe not expressed as that, but it may lay unrecognized in the background. Give it time and space to work itself out.

          (I’m not a child psychologist, but I play one on TV 🙂 )

        • #3201777

          And that would be

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to JD, you know very well

          one of the few shows on that I would watch!

          As for the boys giving credit, the birthday cards they both picked out for me really got to me. They both picked out one about a father who is always thinking of them first. Was cool that they would see this. Of course, if they see that, then they also see the opposite with their female-parental-unit. I just recently found out that she will go out to the bar on nights that she has them. I asked the boys the last time I went out without them on “my weeks”, and they both said “never”. 😀

          I am hoping within two rotations that Thing One will decide to come home to stay too. Once he realizes that they could still see her anytime they want as I would never stand in the way of that, it will help. I did point out that she had that same ability all along, and unlike me, has NEVER done that except to come and take THING ONE to get his hair cut once. My only beef was I didn’t know about it until AFTER he was home again. Her daze off are usally during the week while I am at work, yet she has never wanted to spend that day with them. Sad. good for me, but sad all the same.

          And Dan, thanks.

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