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MY Friday Yuk Yuk (took tomorrow off, naa naa)

By jdclyde ·
Took tomorrow off so I figured this IS my friday. One hour to go and I am FREE!
My favorite one is the VERY LAST one. Hope you make it that far and have a great weekend!


Real Air traffic controller dialogues

Message Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
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Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a
727?"

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the little Fokker in sight."
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A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked: "What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.

San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

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There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked".

Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.

"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."

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A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war!"

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Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

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One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.

Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"

The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."

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The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark -- And I didn't land."

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While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.

An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the **** are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

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Well...

by Jessie In reply to MY Friday Yuk Yuk (took t ...

Enjoy your day off with the boys and lunch with the cute geek. Don't worry about us poor saps that have to come to work tomorrow... hugely pregnant and having to crawl around under people's desks and plug in stupid stuff to people's computers... <sigh> Whoa is me... <sigh>

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I will be going through withdrawls from this place

by jdclyde In reply to Well...

My DSL router died last night so NO INTERNET from home. Spend 45 minutes with some beotch from india to get it set so someone can call me tonight so they can send someone out tomorrow or the next! GRRRRRRR! X-(

Besides that, it will be shopping, golf, lunch with a pretty lady and swimming. Hope your office is at least air conditioned!

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That's service!

by Dr Dij In reply to I will be going through w ...

them flying in someone from India to fix it :)

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Now that's outsourcing!

by Oz_Media In reply to That's service!

That's what I always think when people start complaining about outsourcing. WHO cares if someone else has to put up with the bitching on he phone?

Just give a local tech the address to go and fix it when you've calmed the client down a bit.

As far as losing a support desk job, who the **** cares? That's the absolute entry level into IT, if it is YOUR job, then there rae hundreds more just like it. You don't lose a career when you lose your help desk job, you lose a telemarketing, customer support job, are people trying to say THEY don't exist?

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NIce try

by Oz_Media In reply to I will be going through w ...

Hope your office is air conditioned. HAH!

What will you do on Monday, while I am golfing, drinking or visiting a pretty lady for lunch?

Right, hope your office is air conditioned.

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Here I am pool side

by jdclyde In reply to NIce try

had the lunch with the pretty lady and did some shopping then took my boys to Grandmas to swim. It is about 92 F now and the sun is shining!

Glad I set them up with wireless for Christmas! Now I can get my fix!

Got a fan blowing on me, and sipping a blue or two. Life is good.

And yes, when I go back monday, I DO HAVE A NICELY AIR CONDITIONED OFFICE.

The good life.

Hope your monday is as nice as this day has for me. Time to go cook up some ribs now!

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just for that

by jck In reply to Here I am pool side

I'm gonna take Monday off after the rain-soaked weekend...and drink margaritas outside while you're in your air-conditioned office dodging calls from your boss! hahahaha

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Margaritas

by jdclyde In reply to just for that

At least your taste in drinks is improving.

Usually swill boy is OBSESSED with that swill drink!


BWAAAHAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAAAA!

Just about to leave pool side. Time to grill up some ribs! Got the window mount air conditioning in the guy cave last night so we will watch DVD's tonight, just the boys and I.

A good time had by all.

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yeah well...

by jck In reply to Margaritas

Expecting a man to live on Guinness alone...would be like expecting him to...

wait...I could live on Guinness!!!

Thanks for straightening swill boy out...I'm having Guinness all weekend!!!

take care...have fun...it's soup and crackers and Guinness for me tonite!

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So much for the pretty lady

by Oz_Media In reply to Margaritas

You had lunch with a pretty lady, dropped off the boys and.......YOU ENDED UP DRINKING BY YOURSELF????

What's wrong with THAT picture?

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