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My (last) Friday Yuk

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by guruofdos

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Two country bumpkins were sat in a pub having a beer. One was telling the other about the new flame he had met. He was saying that she was a local girl from the next village and that the rumour was that, at 24, she was still a virgin.

"Well Harry", the second man commented, "I'd make sure if I was you...there ain't many virgins left round these parts."

"How do I go about finding out then, Fred?" asked the first.

"Well, if I was you, I'd be getting one of they new-fangled virgin detector kits."

"A virgin detector kit? How does that work then?", Harry asked.

"Well", said Fred, "a virgin detector kit comes with three pots of paint and a paintbrush. You paint half your todger green, half your todger red and you paint the knob blue."

"And?", replied Harry enquiringly.

"Then, when it gets to that time when you are starting to get a bit friendly, whip out the 'old man' and show it to her. If she says she's never seen one like that before....she probably ain't no virgin!!!"

7 replies

by jdclyde

Eat right!
Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
Get plenty of exercise - because exercise helps build your immune system.
Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.
Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.
Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
Get plenty of rest.

OR

You can take the doctors office approach. Think about it, when you go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol.
Why? Because alcohol kills germs.

So......

I walk to the liquor store (exercise)
I put lime in my Corona (fruit)
I put celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
I drink on the bar patio (fresh air)
I get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress)
and then pass out (rest).

The way I see it, if you keep your alcohol levels up, flu germs can't get you!!!

by maecuff

Signs Your Doctor
May Be Coming On
to You.

- - - -
He asks you to turn your head to the side and say "I love you."
He Photoshops his picture onto an X-ray of your heart.
His lab coat says "Tight Butts Drive Me Nuts" on the back.
When you lie down on the examination table, he insists on spooning.
Before examining you, he washes his hands in Obsession by Calvin Klein.
He tells you that you have "sexy cancer."
While giving you a Pap smear, he "finds" an engagement ring.

by oz_media

I love the spooning on the table!

Now I don't care who you are, that's there's funny! :D

by oz_media

Virgin detector, I instantly thought of the cat detector van from the ministry of owsinge!

"That's NOT a cat licence mate, that's a DOG licence with the word DOG crossed out and CAT written in in crayon!"

"The man didn't have the right one."

"What MAN?"

"The man with the cat detector van from the Ministry of Owsinge."

"The cat detector van from the Ministry of Owsinge??!? You are a looney!"

"I am NOT a looney, he had so many bleedin' aerials he could pin-point a purr at 500 hundred yards, and with Eric being such a happy cat it was a piece of cake."

Ok, I'll stop now. :p

All the best mate, :)

by hal 9000

I saw this painted on the back of a van this week.

"If God wanted me to show my Tits they would be growing out of my ears!"

Have a good one and until next time.

Col :D

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