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Ok I haven't seen a Friday Yuk for some time

By HAL 9000 Moderator ·
So I'll add a Monday version and hope no one takes offence.

This is a truly heart warming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. This makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough more or less...adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the dollar she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied "I worked all last week with a construction crew building a house." "My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be workinmg on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied..."I will if those useless pricks at Bunnings ever bring us the fucking gyprock"

Or for the International people here

A man meets St Peter at the Pearly gates and sees an enormous pile of clocks behind the wall. Upon asking what the clocks are for he is told that each one represents an individual and every time they tell a lie their clock advances one second.

He then asks have there been any cases of the clock never advancing? St Peter replies only one Mother Teressa!

The man then asks what about Gorge W Bush and St Peter replies OH Jesus is currently using that one for a ceiling fan as it is causing a vast air flow and cools his office quite nicely. Upon hearing this the man is shocked and asks is this usual for politicians? St Peter replies just be glad that you never had anything to do with John Howard the Australian Prime Minister his is moving so fast that it started causing Cyclones so we moved it straight to Hell as it was causing far too many problems here.


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funny... but old.

by ITgirli In reply to Ok I haven't seen a Frida ...

I'm sure there are better ones than those out there. But if you are like me, most of the ones you hear shouldn't be put in print.
a quick chuckle though....
I was talking to a guy I work with and he mentioned that he goes out drinking every night. I guessed that he wasn't married or dating. He said (jokingly) "no. My last girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was a pedophile. I said to her, 'Pedophile! that's a big word for a 3rd grader'" (He really was joking)

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Well I was hoping for something better

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to funny... but old.

I need a good laugh as right now I neck deep in work that has to be finished 3 days prior to me receiving it.


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a few quick laughs

by ITgirli In reply to Well I was hoping for som ...

The other day I was reading a book of jokes and one of them was as follows:
"My parents used to get high a lot. We went on family trips without ever leaving the living room."

but like i said, most should not be in print. I'll try to clean this next one up, but hopefully you'll still get the effect.

...A nun was walking down the street one night and took a short cut down an alley to get to the church. As she hurried down the alley, a man jumped out and sexually forced himself on her. When he was finished, he asked her "What are you going to tell your Mother Superior now?" And the nun replies, "I'm going to tell her that you attacked me and f***** me twice. That is, if you're up for it."

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And you said Colin's was old!!

by Oz_Media In reply to a few quick laughs

But old or new, a chuckle is a chuckle is't it!

Cheers, just waiting for the coffee to brew, nice to start the day this way, thanks.

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by ITgirli In reply to And you said Colin's was ...

Can you come up with something better?

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OOOOH walked into that one didn't I !

by Oz_Media In reply to hey!

not better but you're right, I should have offerd SOMETHING at least. In my line of work, you don't hear too many CLEAN jokes.

A new study says low levels of testosterone in older men may lead to Alzheimer's disease.

Ironically, in younger men high levels of testosterone can also render the brain completely useless.


Bad Example

One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "*****" and the women called the man a "*******".

Their son walked in and said "What does ***** and ******* mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".

The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my ti**ies" and the man said "feel my di*k".

Their son walked in and asked "What does ti**ies and di*k mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats".

On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Sh*t" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.

Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "F**k" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.

Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your di*ks and ti**ies in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the sh*t off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fu**ing the turkey!

Have a good day, good luck with the Flash player! It was posted by Macromedia support so it should work for you.

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okay. how about this one?

by ITgirli In reply to OOOOH walked into that on ...

What do Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson have in common?

Neil Armstrong was the first guy to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson.....
(you're thinking moonwalk?)
No! he f**ks little boys in the @$$!


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by Oz_Media In reply to OOOOH walked into that on ...

Gotta find me a girl like you, talk about rare! Your sense of humour is not funny at all, it's freakin' hilarious!

"Michael Jackson is now using the internet to communicate with his fans. Which makes sense because that's how he met most of them." - Leno

ater turning himself in yesterday, Michael Jackson was placed in handcufs. I think he rhelped his case when he said "these are neat, do they come in smaller sizes?" - Leno

Michael jackson turnd himself in to authorities today and now the court may take away his kids. Don't worry though, Michel's working on a deal whre he can dangle them on wekends." - Kilborn

I think they nailed him on the newest child protection law, 3 tykes and you're out.

When Michael Jackson called Boyz II Men, they had to explain that they were not a delivery service.

What are the little brown things in a little boys diaper?
Michael Jackson's fingers.

What separates Michael Jackson from little boys?
The police.

What is black and White and comes in little cans?
Michael Jackson.

Oh, there's just SO many of them !


What's the diference betwen Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?

One is plastic and should be kept away from small children...the other you get at a grocery store.

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Thanks for the laugh

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to OOOOH walked into that on ...

I really needed it.

Today I got called into a place where I set up a new installation and every computer except the gateway was down. When I got there I found Windows Corrupted on every computer and they wouldn't load. On further inspection I found a copy of a flight simulator on every computer in the place seems that the youngest son has keys to the office and last night along with several of his friends went in and used the network to play games. From what I hear they had a great time of it but of course it's my fault that nothing works now.


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I was thinking that last night!

by Oz_Media In reply to Ok I haven't seen a Frida ...

I actually told mae I'd post a yuk Friday and forgot, ooops. Just too busy with little projects and stuff, especially weekends (my rec time).

Thanks Col,

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