Oz fan club

how much is Oz gonna pay the members? ;)

.
Do I get a "all time best posts" book? Or how about a desk calendar with a post-per-day sort of thing.

To Oz,
I might think the job of subject of a fan club easy. We would expect much, and give little. If you were on trial, we may hold signs outside the courthouse, but what would you really get out of it?

TBR
Provisonal OzFanMan #3

There is a night club here called that! If he is part of that I will join but I need lots of dollar bills:)
I like OZ because he tells it like he's see's it.
Try looking up the the oz night club in st louis.

You haven't paid up in months why should I care what YOU think?

P.S. The 'I (heart)Oz" window sticker my people sent you needs ot be returned and you'll have to take that VOTE FOR OZ sign of the front lawn now.
:D

You can keep the DVD, as always that is yours to keep, but you will be billed 20% of your remaining membership dues or the standard $200 contract breach cost, whichever is higher.

You will NEVER get off the spam mail list and will always be subject to my ramblings free of charge though, just in case you decide to take on the full membership package again. :p

https://www.techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=8&threadID=170704&start=0

As it is Good Friday tomorrw and a day off for those of us with lives, I had posted the Thusday Yuk as tomorrow/today is Good Friday.

AND I did it on Wednesday night (our time) so that SOME people wouldn't start complaining about it.

The OZetts?

Or the OZ Worstrippers

Or THE CERTIFIABLY INSANE. :)

Col ]:)

so how long have you been a masochist?
what do you do the earn the beating?
exectly how masochistic are you?

Which is "Rolling on the Floor Laughing Spewing Coffee."

OMG, you guys REALLY shouldn't do that to me this early in the morning.

My OCD prevents me from being an OZ fan. I CAN'T allow myself that many typos without making myself CRY! :p

Just ofr uoz, i won't looke while I typet his.

OF... I want pictures OF the beating!

Most bands don't HAVE software, I was refering to the band fan clube that are always begging for freebies.

T-Shirts cost too much these days, quality has really increased now and they are not cheap anymore.

I don't even throw tickets around much anymore, that's worse than giving away music as bands actually make a good bit of coin from ticket sales in the right venues.

"I HATE fan clubs anyway, sure they are great about saying how wonderful a band is,"

BANDS not movies, sir.

GROUPIES, backstage whores who say they are a fan club, just tagalongs that cost money really.

At least I am not the one saying "more cleverer".

F**k 'em! Who the hell are they to have me repress my thoughts and feelings so that I wouldn't speak my mind?

OR

F**k 'em if they can't take it on the nose!

OR

Why the hell SHOULD I pull punches? I don't in real life, why would I online?

Which brings us full circle back to a simple "F**k 'em all!"

Let me know I'll be an avid reader.

Col ]:)

Do you realize that you make me almost look normal?

There I was thinking just how bad I was and how much I could improve by mixing with this lot and then I ran into this group all of who make me look good.

Col ]:)

THAT was my wife!!

Librarian by day..................Bad guuurl at night.

But as Colin says, gotta hear (your) story.

It's a service I provide, free of charge Col. I aim to improve others standing by allowing them to realize just how much worse they COULD be... :p

And if you attempt to prove it, I will just deny it. It was someone else, logged in as me. :p

That I ever saw was the night I was married! But dont tell my wife:)

...I think that the variously typographically-challenged versions of "Certifiably Insane" might work better! :D

Sink to the lowest common dominator?

The main response from me when someone comes knocking on my door at unreasonable hours is F### OFF and they get really worried when I open the door all nicely and invite them in. That scares the hell out of them and they find an excuse to leave ASAP. :D

Col ]:)

Calls me a CERTIFIED PARTNER so who an I to argue with them? :p

Besides while I can talk English I can not type in American there are too many different letters involved. :(

Col ]:)

The promoter does all the work and takes all the blame, regardless of what goes wrong or who's fault it is.

It is a farce going on in another thread where a guy has posted some great job opportunity anout changing the face of computing as we know it.

He can't type, can't form a single sentence in English and recently suggested he had been looking at everyone's C: drive and could change someone gender from South Africa.

He then started defending his absurd lies by using phrases such as 'more cleverer'.

Just having a laff at someone else, I certainly wouldn't be laughing at you, I know betetr than that. ;)

You say they are really weary about coming in when you answer the door, but you should try answering it with clothes on instead. THey may be a little more receptive of your invite.

But when you answer the door naked and stare at their t**ts while inviting them in it makes people a little nervous.

But I just couldn't resist the shot. It must be the Devil in me or the fact that I'm warming up to take over his job. :p

But the fact of the matter is with a good promoter NOTHING ever goes wrong no Axe strings ever break, no problems ever occur, the stage is always there on time no matter what, the sound leads are always in perfect condition and you never have a connector break or a lead get kicked and broken, the roadies are always sitting around with nothing to do during the show as there is nothing for them to even think about until it comes time to pack things away after the show.

Col ]:)

Ever since he was told that you taught Ms Bobbitt all that she knows and then bitterly complained about her lousy workmanship. He is always making up excuses to defend himself against upsetting you.

The whole story OZ related is a crock and all made up just to keep you happy and away from his area of the world just in case you got offended. :D

And when he insists that this is all wrong I'm just putting it on the record now that I didn't ask the person who was going to be given a sex change out for a date when the scares had healed. :p

But it was a good disgusting while it lasted. :D

Col ]:)

Have got older now and are on tight leashes and the young untalented so called groups are not allowed by their record companies out in public just in case the public finds out just what frauds that they really are. :)

I know it is an over generalization but none the less it is fairly accurate. Remember Pete Townsend coming down from a hotel room into a major fuss where some "popular group" had trashed the room?

Pete's response was what is all the fuss about when we where on tour we did far worse in less time? :D

The times they are a changing and only for the worse! :(

Col ]:)

ohh..I want in. I joined a fan club years ago..and I'm still waiting for my 'heartbeat it's a love beat' single. Is this the same thing?

I'm going to be disappointed, aren't I? I'm expecting little Tony Defranco, and I'm not going to get him, am I?

OzMeister is taken.

I was gonna mention double bagging but that's something you do when you are faced with a real 'uggo'.

Seeing as this is her husband, I didn't want to imply the 'uggo' rule so I refrained from asking her to double bag it. And instead I suggested paint a picture of who she WANTS to be with instead, not who she once CHOSE to be with, or sometimes gets drunk enough to choose again.

;)

She came up with the "cutting it off" thing all on her own. I much prefer methods of torture that can be repeated aud nauseum, such as super gluing the offending member to his thigh, then waking him up with his favorite choice of porn. He can, later, be convinced that I am truly sorry, and I'll be taken back, and the scenario can be repeated.

Cutting the thing off is so unimaginative. What ever happened to the idea of inserting an oral mercury thermometer and breaking it? Ah... those were the good old days! ;)

"He can, later, be convinced that I am truly sorry, and I'll be taken back, and the scenario can be repeated. "

What did you marry a moron?

You'd last 3 minutes and you'd be in a court room if that was me, as soon as I figured out how to move of course.

When a crappy boyfriend/husband comes hom edrunk and says it won't happen again, and the girl takes him back, she is a complete moron. Why would this work for a woman? Most guys can have a realationship or get laid without worrying about haveing their member superglued to their leg. Anyone sticking around for more of that is either quite stupid and VERY ugly or they are Jaqui.

You poor sick woman you! OR more accurately, what a poor hard done by husband you must have.

Does he wrap his legs in saran wrap at night now?

Pingpong ball in the toilet seat cover, funny. Saran wrap over the bowl, funny.
ANYTHING to do with desecrating the main vein, POOR FORM, NOT FUNNY!

You salute your flag, you pledge alliegiance to your country but you Super Glue your best nightime friend?

...desecrate my best night-time friend!!! He's WAY too talented!!! :p I'm just saying that there are many more inventive ways to get one's revenge than "bobbittizing" him.

I guess I should have explained clearer, by best night time friend I mean't the one that DOESN'T' take batteries. :D

...are only good in desperation. There's absolutely nothing in this world to compare with a man with an active imagination and a love of learning about internet porn. ;)

You just described every man on the planet.

An active imagination ( I assume sexually) and a love of Internet porn?

Your husband makes a living from this, have you not yet realized how many men seek invention with internet porn?

What happens is they date too many women who scream and wriggle when the word anus or pearl necklace is mentioned. Eventually they tire of havign dates run out the door screaming at them and they repress. This is the work of the woman, not the man's inability to create and experiment.

Believe me, if after 20 years of missionary sex, a guy came home to see his wife with her ankles behind her ears and a big bottle of lube, they would NOT exactly be shy about participating.

Women do the sexual repression part, not men.

It's society's fault for teaching women to associate sex with love. Love isn't supposed to be kinky. We're taught that "making love" is supposed to be a beautiful experience, whereas "bangin'" is disgusting and vile.

Fortunately(?) for me, I was an abused kid, and after years of therapy figured out that sex didn't equate with love... not necessarily a method of learning I'd reccommend... but society in general needs to get off it's high horse and learn that porn should be taken as instructional video and that a good rompin' f^@k does WONDERS for the soul!

You have placed the blame fairly and squarely where it belongs back on the church as they have always wanted women subjugated by the males for their own benefit. I'm not quite sure if that is either the Churches benefit or the for the benefit of the women as the Church see it. :(

Now while I do completely agree with everything that you have said I'm sure that there are numerous Bible Bashing people who will jump on the bandwagon and start a campaign against you for your BLASPHEMY and your errant ways.

Of course they will place brainwashed women in the front lines to decry your attitude so it will not look like the males are attempting again to dominate their women folk. But really they want to go back to the good old days where the woman was only a show piece and should be kept in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant. :D

Of course the idea that when a woman marries she becomes the property of the man has never completely disappeared and from what I've seen lately it is making a comeback as fast as the Good Christians can push it along. Of course they will come up with some peso science claiming that what is in the Bible is supported by their newest discoveries like Intelligent Design or some other crap like that but all that ID actually proves is that it is the WHITE MICE who built this planet for their own purposes so the good highly religious people should be worshiping these Mice rather than giving them a different name and killing their real makers at every chance they get.

After all if you follow the ID argument to its logical conclusion it makes a lot of sense that the White Mice are actually our creators as they have so many similar genetic traits to th Human race and are the closest things to being human that are acceptable to use to cut up and experiment upon. Now as in Genesis God made man in our own Likeness couldn't that mean that God whatever that may be used the basic genetic traits to manufacture a specimen for their own experiments? :)

Remember no matter what happens that the answer is 42. :p

Any way I hope your key board is fire proof as you are bound to get set upon by the screaming masses who are only trying to help you understand where you went so wrong. :D

Col ]:)

You know, spelling 'clever' as 'cleaver' makes that sentence somewhat disturbing.

Although, with the bags and the pictures, throwing in a cleaver could be interesting. (And I mean a sharp instrument, not Ward, June or the Beav)

But my story and I'm sticking to it is that I don't type in American English I can use Aussie English without a problem but over there there are just so many different spellings of the same word that I get confused. :)

I'm really not all that smart and this Little Black Duck Gets Confused Quite Easily. :D

But Cleaver does make it interesting doesn't it? :p

Col ]:)

The KISS Army had to have been one of the biggest early on for official fan clubs.

I wanna rock and roll in my nursing home all night!

May not love them for long, a day or two maybe. But it makes the few days more meaningful.

All learnings needed on this topic come from the alter of Sam Kinison.

Also perscribe to his home for interesting women.

Was there over the summer and it was a HUGE disappointment.

The girls were average at best, the panties didn't come off and the nips had some gue on them.

The ones in my area have gone lame, and when I went north (by my standards) for hunting, the girls were real corn fed heffers that had more tattoes than the local biker club.

Yes, Canada still seems to have the market covered well on the pealer joints. Even if most of the girls are from Romainia.

Col, the screaming masses that would call me a blasphemer weren't there for me when I was 6, and they can damn well F^@k off now.

In a perfect world, everyone would wait until they were married to have sex, and they'd all be good at it the first time, and everyone would enjoy the experience, and people would only have sex with people with whom they were in love... but let me just clue ya'll in on a little something... the world is FAR from perfect!

I think the church started out with a noble idea in marriage... protecting any children that resulted from intercourse, but that seems to have fallen by the wayside, and it became, SEX IS EVIL unless it occurs for the specific goal of pro-creation.

Given my skewed views on sex and love, I don't tell my children, "Wait til you're married." "Save your virginity to give as a gift to your spouse on your wedding night." or "Sex is a beautiful act between two people in love." My mother told me those things, and through no fault of her own, ended up only reinforcing the guilt I suffered for acts that had been perpetrated upon me as a child. I'm more realistic... I tell my kids, "Don't have sex unless you're prepared to take responsibility for any children that may result. And in this day and age, don't do it without a condom unless you've been in a monogamous relationship for at least a year and both of you test negative for any and all STDs." I'm probably screwing them up for life with this, but each person has to tell the truth as they see it. And the truth for me is that sex does not equal love. Love does not equal sex. Sex can be entertaining. And sex can be used by twisted people to make themselves feel powerful. Sex is used by women with low self-esteem to "earn" love. Sex is used by religious women as a sacrifice to "prove" their love. Sex, for many, is a tool. And it shouldn't be.

]:) :p :^O

Dawg

And I second the motion. If sex isn't fun, it just isn't worth having.

Get out the ole saddle and ride th epony, swinf from the chandeliers and make as much noise as you can. The MOST fun with sex is when you can laugh hysterically and giggle in bed for hours before, during and afterwards.

Again, why even have sex if you're not having fun with it, sex is adult play and with the proper precautions and knowledge of consequences is a sheer hoot and a half.

Otherwise you may as wel just look for something else to do with your time.

So everyone should be worried about me. :)

:p :p :p :p

Col ]:)

I can just see your kids now on the shrinks couch with a constant worry about catching something nasty and needing decades of therapy to overcome this fear.

You however are unfortunately totally correct in everything that you posted which is really sad but I suppose some sought of fact of modern day life.

Col ]:)

Come to Canada you could work IT here anytime, if only for the laughs and crazy sense of humor. Oh yeah, we have scads of breweries and you could keep busy as a beer and ale sampler.

Dawg ]:) :^O

And MS is still MS wherever you are that is what drives me nuts having to deal with MS's Help Line. :)

Now that really is Cruel and Inhumane Punishment. :(

But the way that they seem to think that they are your are the first alternative when really they are the last possible thing that you can think of and even then you know you are just clutching at straws.

I've only needed to call them on 3 or 4 different occasions and I always keep getting exactly the same spiel, but when you have to ring back for a problem is the best as you have to go through all the rubbish again no matter how many times that you tell them you have a reference number and you need to speak to so & so they just continue with their Data Base questions and then tell you that they are going to connect you to the person who you asked for in the first place. :D

Well I fixed that little problem up and got a direct number :p and have as yet not needed to ring again but no doubt when the next time comes the phone number will have been changed and I'll have to go through the whole mess again. :(

Col ]:)

marriage was pushed to stabilise society.
if a woman only had children after marriage then they were her husbands.

since we are still very much a patrinomic society,
and patrilineal as well.

it was for this reason that society, until last century treated women as second class creatures.
they couldn't even own property for most of recorded history, so calling women citizens seems inaccurate.
I beleive the arguments went along the lines of women being to weak and silly to not have sex with any man they could, unless they were married.

we know better, but the attitudes are still changing to reflect the reality.

Would you rather have me be in your fan club, or buy you a pint?

Let me know.

Are you moving here? Thinking of a holiday?
Planning on getting here brfore the Olympic rush? I'll be living in Whistler for that cash grab. :)

What can I say?

Actually it is the Kiwis who have this love affair with sheep not the Aussies we just think that they are silly animals because they are silly animals. Like a merino will not walk through a gate because the grass is longer on the other side so it must be a trick of some sought so well stay put in this paddock where there is nothing to eat or drink but at least we know that we will be attacked by wild dogs.

They really are silly animals but what can you expect a POM brought them here? :)

My uncle used to run a smallish sheep station just a few hours outside Mutaburah about 16 hours driving from Brisbane over some of the worst roads imaginable and then we hit the front gates which where only about another hours drive to the homestead. He used to run several thousand sheep on 16,000 acres and I really got to dislike the silly things when I visited the place. You always had to carry a rifle around with you for the wild pigs so you needed something with stopping power and not the lousy .22 which only made the already upset animals more upset. Of course when there where pigs around the sheep had to hide in the corner of the paddock furtherest from the nearest gate and didn't want to move to get them to some form of safety they where quite happy where they where thank-you very much and we are staying put, it doesn't matter that several of us are killed everyday the ones in the center who made the decisions where safe so they wanted to stay put. Bloody hard to move on when this happened. :(

About the only place he will see any roos in in a zoo unless he wants to drive the Sydney Melbourne route at night and then he's bound to end up hitting one which bounces out in front of him and attempts to play "{Chicken" with the car.} The roos always come off worse but they are so stupid they never learn. Last time I drove North about every 300 yards there was a dead roo on the side of the road and the Japanese tourists where a real sight to watch with their faces all covered by hankies to stop the smell {IT DOESN'T WORK SO DON'T BOTHER TRYING IT!} " :D

Actually I don't know what the rain fall has been like down south recently so there may be a few on the roadside at night looking for some water or at the very least some edible grass which grows on the roadside where the cattle can not get to. :p

That stretch of road is all fenced so there should be no problems with coming around a bend to find the road full of cattle as the road is warmer than the surrounding grasslands if you are lucky you get about 1.5 seconds warning in the lights so you seem to manage to stop before writing off the car by hitting a steer and the bloody things will not get out of your road either they are almost as silly as sheep but are big enough to know that you will attempt to avoid them because if you don't you will not be driving any further. Unless of course if you are in a semi and then you stop for nothing but fuel. :D

But if he goes to some of the posher restaurants in either Sydney or Melbourne he can eat all the Roo and Emu that he wants as well as some crock and possum the roo is really quite nice and far better for you than the beef that was again imported by the POMS! :)

We had the New Zealand Rugby team in tears because some bright sod drove them past a Skinny Hideout {they are a sheep skin specialist store} on the way to a football game and it was there that they learned what we did to our sheep. They where thinking about all of the potential girlfriends that they would now never have the chance of meeting. And wondering why they had brought their Velcro gloves with them!:D

Just a word of warning if you get near a real Roo the big Red's & Grey's never let them turn their backs on you as their tails can do a lot of damage to your legs even the little ones are painful but not in the leg breaking level that the big ones are. :p

Col ]:)

I know the research for your fourth Doctoral thesis was done in New Zealand but I had this picture of JCK waiting in a Sydney bar for Oz. I just thought he ought to know of something that would pass the time while he waited...

Most of the jokes are just transposed from "Wales. Where the..." except for the last two.

More research. In Wales, the farmers stuff the sheep's back legs down their wellies and then get on with it. When question on his habits, an Aussie sheep-herder said "Strewth, mate. And miss all the kissing?".

G'day, mate.

Neil