PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really think there are a couple of "people" who do nothing more that sit around trying to think of really silly questions to ask, and when that fails tries to reword questions already asked to appear like new questions. Just like their screen names.

and then use caps to draw attention.

and I thought I had nothing else better to do that come here and try to give suggestions....

HHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS PLESE
HHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HOW TO ASK QUESTIONS THE SMART WAY
ERIC STEVEN RAYMOND
THYRSUS ENTERPRISES

WE'RE (LARGELY) VOLUNTEERS. WE TAKE TIME OUT OF BUSY LIVES TO ANSWER QUESTIONS, AND AT TIMES WE'RE OVERWHELMED WITH THEM. SO WE FILTER RUTHLESSLY. IN PARTICULAR, WE THROW AWAY QUESTIONS FROM PEOPLE WHO APPEAR TO BE LOSERS IN ORDER TO SPEND OUR QUESTION-ANSWERING TIME MORE EFFICIENTLY, ON WINNERS.
IF YOU FIND THIS ATTITUDE OBNOXIOUS, CONDESCENDING, OR ARROGANT, CHECK YOUR ASSUMPTIONS. WE'RE NOT ASKING YOU TO GENUFLECT TO US ? IN FACT, MOST OF US WOULD LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN TO DEAL WITH YOU AS AN EQUAL AND WELCOME YOU INTO OUR CULTURE, IF YOU PUT IN THE EFFORT REQUIRED TO MAKE THAT POSSIBLE. BUT IT'S SIMPLY NOT EFFICIENT FOR US TO TRY TO HELP PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT WILLING TO HELP THEMSELVES. IT'S OK TO BE IGNORANT; IT'S NOT OK TO PLAY STUPID.
SO, WHILE IT ISN'T NECESSARY TO ALREADY BE TECHNICALLY COMPETENT TO GET ATTENTION FROM US, IT IS NECESSARY TO DEMONSTRATE THE KIND OF ATTITUDE THAT LEADS TO COMPETENCE ? ALERT, THOUGHTFUL, OBSERVANT, WILLING TO BE AN ACTIVE PARTNER IN DEVELOPING A SOLUTION. IF YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH THIS SORT OF DISCRIMINATION, WE SUGGEST YOU PAY SOMEBODY FOR A COMMERCIAL SUPPORT CONTRACT INSTEAD OF ASKING HACKERS TO PERSONALLY DONATE HELP TO YOU.
IF YOU DECIDE TO COME TO US FOR HELP, YOU DON'T WANT TO BE ONE OF THE LOSERS. YOU DON'T WANT TO SEEM LIKE ONE, EITHER. THE BEST WAY TO GET A RAPID AND RESPONSIVE ANSWER IS TO ASK IT LIKE A PERSON WITH SMARTS, CONFIDENCE, AND CLUES WHO JUST HAPPENS TO NEED HELP ON ONE PARTICULAR PROBLEM.
Edit:

Thought I had better shorten it a little. Just to save a bit of space on the server.

I don't much like Office 07. Intuitive is one of those 'relative' things. 07 is a nightmare in my book, though many would argue that.

Goofya** Publisher 07 has forgotten how to update a calendar... Makes those nifty highly customizable calendars that were once easily reused now useful only 1 semester. Have to go in and rebuild them every 3 months. Wonder if MS knows yet...
I'm not telling. It's past time they got their head handed to them while stuck up their behind on a silver platter.

my computer is doing something wrong when it should be doing something right. I tried to do something to something, but got nothing when I should have ended up with this or that. I hope I have supplied enough details so that you can rapidly get me with something instead of nothing. I thank you in advance for dropping everything to resolve my issue for free, because I am clearly more important than anything else you could be doing that you are getting paid to do. I will check back in five minutes for my detailed answer, hopefully with illustrations because I hate to read instructions. I am sure the answer is in the book or on-line somewhere, but if you already know the answer, why should I have to exert myself in the least? If I do not receive the answer I DESIRE, I will just keep posting new questions asking the same thing over and over until someone out there realizes just how grand I am and drops everything for me.

have a nice day, but only if you spoon feed me everything I desire! B-)