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  • #2187338

    Robots replaced by monkeys

    Locked

    by itgirli ·

    So a monkey walks in wearing a kevlar vest and says…..

    who knows, but we may soon.

    http://www.local6.com/news/4392864/detail.html

    I just had to share this

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    Replies
    • #3248396

      I can see it now…

      by jessie ·

      In reply to Robots replaced by monkeys

      … a little klepto SWAT recconoissance “officer.” Trained to pick locks, identify victims, and steal anything shiny.

      • #3248391

        but…

        by itgirli ·

        In reply to I can see it now…

        Why the kevlar vest? why bother?

        • #3248389

          Animal cruelty

          by oz_media ·

          In reply to but…

          I can just see the activist groups now.

        • #3248384

          PETA

          by itgirli ·

          In reply to Animal cruelty

          I’m about 1 mile from PETA headquarters. I can imagine there will be something in the news if they catch wind of this.

        • #3248374

          PETA

          by jessie ·

          In reply to PETA

          You mean “People for the Eating of Tasty Animals?” or the other one?

        • #3248373

          yeah

          by itgirli ·

          In reply to PETA

          I like to walk past their building in my fur coat eating a Big Mac.

    • #3248390

      They need them for military too

      by oz_media ·

      In reply to Robots replaced by monkeys

      Can’t shoot friendlies with a banana.

      Can’t wait to see all the Disney action films though. Cedric the happy monkey in “SWAT 16, Destruction in Florida!” Arnold, Sylvester and Bruce Willis will be looking for new action movie careers soon.

      Now that I think of it, a SWAT movie where a monkey replaces Keanu Reeves would actually be worth watching for once. Probably be able to handle more dialogue than Keanu too!

      Does that mean the video game S.W.A.T. will have monkeys now?

      • #3248370

        The new buddy movie…

        by jessie ·

        In reply to They need them for military too

        Keanu and Cedric the monkey in “SWAT 69” no wait… that’s the one on my hubby’s website.

        [i]edited for clarification[/i] Actually, my hubby’s site has very strict, no beast-porn and no kiddie-porn rules, post either and you and your entire IP family are banned for life.

        • #3248369

          eewwww

          by itgirli ·

          In reply to The new buddy movie…

          hahaha

        • #3248304

          Sure

          by oz_media ·

          In reply to The new buddy movie…

          Nice save Jessie! 😀

        • #3248273

          That is discrimination

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to The new buddy movie…

          Animals need love too.

          Just some more frequently than others.

        • #3248269

          His site, His rules…

          by jessie ·

          In reply to That is discrimination

          …Like it!

        • #3248264

          Speaking of which

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to His site, His rules…

          So how is the business coming along?

          getting a steady stream of hits?

          Good advertisers yet?

          Is he ready to buy a jag yet?

        • #3248222

          It’s decent

          by jessie ·

          In reply to Speaking of which

          It works out to paying about as well as a part time IT job… too bad he spends 16 hours a day on the dang thing!! But at least he’s his own boss and doesn’t have to deal with the corporate BS… the price of sanity I guess.

        • #3249090

          Amen

          by jck ·

          In reply to It’s decent

          It’s why I got out of private sector and won’t go back into until I find a work environment that is suitable to my tastes.

          Otherwise, I’m staying in my government job, doing my work on time and well, and retiring with a nice pension.

          I might not be rich when I’m old, but I won’t be beat down either

        • #3249049

          16 hours?

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to It’s decent

          Doing research with the door closed? (10 minutes at a time)

          Are klenex a business expense?

          Sorry, couldn’t help myself.

          Glad this is going. Any business that pays for its self in the first year is a good business. Good luck.

        • #3249037

          why does he need kleenex?

          by jck ·

          In reply to It’s decent

          nuff said…nuff implied 🙂

        • #3249012

          Needs kleenex because…

          by jessie ·

          In reply to It’s decent

          …because I don’t spit OR swallow… I gargle… but then I laugh and it all comes out my nose.

        • #3249011

          Because

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to It’s decent

          After repeated use (16 hours worth) paper towels would prove to be too abrasive, even though they are the quicker picker upper.

          Give me a Puffs plus with aloe anyday. (esp if it is a business expense!)

        • #3248985

          I don’t use tissues

          by jck ·

          In reply to It’s decent

          waste of money.

          grab a hand towel…that’s what I Say…it washes.

        • #3248908

          Jess – Re: needs kleenex

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to It’s decent

          I love you.

        • #3248907

          jck – Re: not needing

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to It’s decent

          So let me get this straight. You take your spent love and run that through the same washer as the rest of your cloths? EEEEEWWWW!

          That means you have spent love residue in ALL of your cloths. Just think the next time you get filling from your jelly roll on the sleave and then lick it off. You now know WHAT is on that and EVERY sleave! You are SURROUNDED by spent love all day long. eeeewwww again.

          You could get someone pregnet by them sitting on your lap! No more filling in as Santa for you!

        • #3248890

          jdclyde

          by jck ·

          In reply to It’s decent

          a) I wash towels seperate from clothes, if you must know

          b) If the most of my worries is how much micronic residue might be left over in the washer after washing my towels in hot water and detergent, then I consider myself lucky.

          Anyways…hope that soothes your need to know about my hygenic habits.

        • #3248881

          Just F’en with ya

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to It’s decent

          But you knew that didn’t you?

          You wash your towels in hot water? Cold is what keeps the colors bright! Oh yeah, need to get the spent love out. BLEACH! Break out the BLEACH!

          Besides, I don’t own that many towels so that option wouldn’t work for me.

        • #3248868

          yeah I know

          by jck ·

          In reply to It’s decent

          like I said earlier…no sleep last night…I’m on edge today…boss is blabbering in the office next to me and it’s annoying the f*** outta me, cause he’ll go on for 20 minutes about someone needing to take off built-up vacation.

          Sorry if I seem on-edge…because I am…I’m praying for 4pm. I get to leave early for a retirement planner meeting.

      • #3248336

        Does he throw barrels?

        by montgomery gator ·

        In reply to They need them for military too

        A video game with monkeys made me think of Donkey Kong, where the big gorilla threw barrels at Mario. Will the SWAT monkey throw barrels at the bad guy?

    • #3248382

      YOu know what would REALLY suck?

      by oz_media ·

      In reply to Robots replaced by monkeys

      Being the poor guy that was shortlisted, got his hopes up and then lost the job to the monkey! LOL 😀

      I can see it now, “sorry sir, we really liked you application and it was a tough decision but we’ve decided to go in another direction. We WILL however, keep our information on file should a more approriate position become available in the future.”

      Applicant: May I ask what you saw in the candidate you choose that I didn’t have?

      Employer: More hair, works for bananas, has bigger brain.

      • #3248378

        hehehe

        by itgirli ·

        In reply to YOu know what would REALLY suck?

        Imagine being the guy who has to give the monkeys a physical. “Turn your head and stop playing with that banana.”

      • #3248377

        How would you

        by maecuff ·

        In reply to YOu know what would REALLY suck?

        explain that to your wife? “Did you get the job?”
        “Nah, a monkey got it.”
        “A what?”
        “A monkey.”

        • #3248372

          Kevlar…

          by jessie ·

          In reply to How would you

          The NEW monkey suit…

        • #3248302

          What a hoot!

          by oz_media ·

          In reply to How would you

          LOL! Still laughing at that thought…right on!

          ‘But honey, they still hired me to carry a shovel and clean up after him all day. There’s IS room for promotion once you get you’re foot in the door.’

        • #3248293

          Now, there is

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to What a hoot!

          something that I’d want on my resume. Monkey Poop Cleaner Upper. How would you dress that one up? Monkey fecal specialist? Excrement technician?

        • #3248280

          Job title

          by jessie ·

          In reply to Now, there is

          Zoological Waste Management

      • #3248359

        sounds like

        by jck ·

        In reply to YOu know what would REALLY suck?

        some of the phone calls I’ve gotten after interviews.

        • #3248300

          Text book

          by oz_media ·

          In reply to sounds like

          That’s HR 101. A sure tip you are being lied to.

    • #3248352

      Must be nice to work on a government project

      by tony hopkinson ·

      In reply to Robots replaced by monkeys

      I have to hand out free goes at the booty for a month for a $200 component, this clown gets a 100k for a monkey. What they going to do when it starts agitating for minority rights ?
      I bet it could find a lawyer.
      Still at least it won’t be looking for a Rodney King, and will be very cheap to bribe.

    • #3248328

      Nicotine addicted chimp

      by jamesrl ·

      In reply to Robots replaced by monkeys

      I was listening to the radio the other day, and there was a story of a chimp at a zoo in South Africa.

      http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/0414rrchimp14-ON.html

      Visitors found it funny to throw him a lit cigarette, and because he had observed it often enough, he learned how to smoke.

      Now the vets at the zoo want to break the habit….Nicotine gum or the patch wouldnt be good choices….

      James

      • #3248322

        I bet

        by jck ·

        In reply to Nicotine addicted chimp

        they could get him off the nicotine by feeding him cocoa leaves to chew on 🙂

      • #3248312

        That’s just sad!

        by jessie ·

        In reply to Nicotine addicted chimp

        I’m not a member of PETA… but throwing LIT cigarettes and cans of soda at a chimp is not entertaining, it’s abusive!!! I wouldn’t treat my dog like that, well… if I had a dog, I wouldn’t.

        • #3248303

          I’ve known people that…

          by jck ·

          In reply to That’s just sad!

          would let their dog drink with them at a party.

          A drunk dog is *not* funny.

        • #3248292

          Used to have a cat AND dog

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to I’ve known people that…

          that liked to drink. If you had a beer the dog would not leave you alone unless you shared.

          The cat was a bacardi kind of cat though. Put a little in the cap and he was good to go.

          Not enough to hurt them, but they just had to get in on it.

          Oh yeah, the cat LOVED the smoke for the funny little self rolled cigarrettes.

          Party on Bill and Ted.

    • #3248297

      What I want to know is…

      by salamander ·

      In reply to Robots replaced by monkeys

      …who takes the monkey home? The dogs go home with their handlers after work. While I’m certainly an animal lover, there would be no way I’d want a monkey in my house. Dog, sure. Cat, great. Monkey, no way.

      • #3248295

        I call

        by maecuff ·

        In reply to What I want to know is…

        my 7 year old ‘factory reject monkey boy’. does that count?

        Really, it’s all in fun, and I usually ONLY say it when he calls me ‘old lady’.

        • #3248291

          Yeah, but…

          by salamander ·

          In reply to I call

          …you’re the mom. You’re allowed.

          I can just imagine some cop bringing home a monkey to his wife, who’s standing on the doorstep, tapping her shoe:

          “You brought me a WHAT? Are you going to clean up after it? Suuuure.”

        • #3248290

          What do you mean?

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Yeah, but…

          No wife at home.

          Monkey is his date for the night.

          Haven’t you ever heard of hot monkey love?

        • #3248289

          Ummm…

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to What do you mean?

          I don’t think that hot monkey love is actually supposed to involve a monkey. I could be wrong. If so, I’ve been doing it all wrong.

        • #3248282

          oops!

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Ummm…

          If their ain’t no video, it never happened.

        • #3248278

          Hah!

          by salamander ·

          In reply to What do you mean?

          LOL. You may have a point. But I’m sure that there are rules about inappropriate relationships with one’s coworkers! What if the monkey feels harassed? Hmmmm…

        • #3248276

          Who would it tell?

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Hah!

          No pictures, no video and never never never write anything down.

          Badda boom, badda bing.

        • #3248271

          There’s the old joke about…

          by salamander ·

          In reply to Who would it tell?

          …the coyote ugly date that a guy wakes up next to in the morning, with a hangover. He can’t remember anything, and decides to chew off his own arm to avoid waking her.

          What do you do if it’s a monkey? Jeesh.

        • #3248272

          I don’t know about monkey love…

          by jck ·

          In reply to What do you mean?

          but I spank the monkey a lot 😉

        • #3248261

          Just don’t tell Jess

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to I don’t know about monkey love…

          if it takes more than 10 minutes.

          Something about thinking of ugly people doing it wrong…..

        • #3248260

          I already told her about how long it takes…

          by jck ·

          In reply to Just don’t tell Jess

          in public on here…

          I’m not ashamed…I give myself some good luvin…hahaha

        • #3248257

          It’s not about the luv’en

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Just don’t tell Jess

          it is about how long it should or shouldn’t take.

          Some people are just in more of a rush than others.

          I personally need to install a paper towel dispenser on the side of my computer. Now THAT is a computer mod.

        • #3248250

          but when you’re luv’in yur-sef

          by jck ·

          In reply to Just don’t tell Jess

          it’s all about what little bubba wants 😀

        • #3248244

          Little?

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Just don’t tell Jess

          And here with all your talk about big feet….

        • #3249094

          the term “little”

          by jck ·

          In reply to Just don’t tell Jess

          is all relative.

          Considering I’m 6’6, what’s little to me might look like a baby’s arm to someone else. 😉

        • #3249073

          I should have known better

          by itgirli ·

          In reply to Just don’t tell Jess

          Than to have a topic with the word “monkey”. I should have seen it coming. HAHAHAHAHAHA. coming. hehehehe. come on. I thought it was funny.

        • #3249067

          Oh ITgirli

          by jck ·

          In reply to Just don’t tell Jess

          I thought it was funny too…

          Look at the monkey!!! HOO HOO HOO!!!

        • #3249032

          It has nothin to do with UGLY…

          by jessie ·

          In reply to Just don’t tell Jess

          but if it takes longer than 10 minutes for a do-it-yurselfer… you must not know what you’re doing. I mean come on… If I’m in a hurry, I can spank the hubby’s monkey and it’ll puke in about 2 minutes. I’m not prone to believing that I’m just THAT good… ya’ll just don’t know yourselves well enough yet. 😉

        • #3249028

          I never said anything about ugly

          by jck ·

          In reply to Just don’t tell Jess

          and fact is…I think I’ve mentioned 2-7 minutes on average for me…and I won’t poke fun at more than 10…maybe he’s gettin more than one or something. And, I’m not gonna ask for clarification either from him.

          And if there’s one thing I do know about after better than 10 years of managing to stay away from all the materialistic women I’ve met…it’s how to take care of myself.

          I don’t need a piece bad enough that I’ll let some chick move in and spend my checks to get some. I’d rather be alone and manually done than miserable and getting action.

        • #3249004

          ITgirli, I got it

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Just don’t tell Jess

          and it had nothing to do with monkeys…

        • #3248993

          Jess – 10 minute

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Just don’t tell Jess

          In a different post when 10 minutes “came” up,(paraphrasing as I don’t remember which discussion we were in at the time) You asked if I was thinking about ugly people doing it wrong and if that was why it took that long.

          2 minutes? You are a GODDESS!

          Either he has a short fuse, your doing something right or both.

          Looking at video or even a live person I couldn’t in 2 minutes…. And even with help it doesn’t go much faster. (must be just me)

          Hot monkey love was not meant to be rushed. True greatness takes time.

        • #3248979

          Taking my time…

          by jessie ·

          In reply to Just don’t tell Jess

          When I take my time, and do the job “right” it can last anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 hours, though he tends to whine about chaffing after the first hour or so.

          And I’d forgotten that I’d suggested you were fantasizing about ugly people… LOL… I’m so funny! 😉

        • #3248894

          jdclyde

          by itgirli ·

          In reply to Just don’t tell Jess

          thank you for getting it. I’m glad some appreciates me.

        • #3248875

          Hey, who loves ya baby?

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Just don’t tell Jess

          You would be amazed what I pick up as someone who is really twisted and has an eye for detail.

          Always love a woman with a sence of humor. Especially if it is an equally twisted one as mine.

          “Get out of the cockpit!
          He said coc-eerrp!”
          Name that movie, I know you know it.

        • #3247463

          thanks

          by itgirli ·

          In reply to Just don’t tell Jess

          Yes, I am twisted. If by twisted you mean a pervert. Just kidding.

          I do not know from which movie, but I know that as soon as you tell me , I’ll remember.

        • #3247453

          Well, it is a few years old

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Just don’t tell Jess

          so I will let that one slide.

          Bevis and Butthead, Do america.

          I laughed, I cried, I kicked stuff over.

          Cavity search, deep and hard.

        • #3247205

          What was it

          by jck ·

          In reply to Just don’t tell Jess

          Butthead said after he got his cavity search? Was it:

          “Whoa…did I just score? uh huh huh huh…”

    • #3248873

      Average IQ

      by craig herberg ·

      In reply to Robots replaced by monkeys

      I can think of a lot of places where the addition of a monkey would probably raise the average IQ.

      • #3248872

        Yeah…

        by jessie ·

        In reply to Average IQ

        …like most fast food and retail joints… you could probably get WAY better service!!!

        • #3248860

          Possibly

          by craig herberg ·

          In reply to Yeah…

          some at a MUCH HIGHER pay scale.

        • #3247478

          What are you thinkin

          by anykey??? ·

          In reply to Yeah…

          Ya dont go to a fast food place for good service.
          Ya go there to request a samich without something, so that they can screw it up knowing that youll have to eat it anyway because we are in too big of a hurry to get done correctly

      • #3248866

        most would think

        by jck ·

        In reply to Average IQ

        my office.

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