Secondary Friday Yuk

but I thought this would be a good place to display my family portrait..

http://weirdpicturearchive.com/pics/childabuse.html

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.

On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it.

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation??????

If you do not know, see answer below.

Get your drunk @ss off the merry-go-round!

When I was stationed in Germany, one of the ladies that worked in Customer Service at the PX wore her hair just like a girl from one of the Sunday funnies (Funky Winkerbean, I think). I remember the girl's name (in the comic) was Cindy and she wore a bang that rose from her forehead in a spike aimed off to one side.

The girl at the PX had the same kind of do; whenever she moved her head, this spike waved at you. some of us actually worried about our eyes. Saw her buying hairspray one day. She bought it by the case...

you can re-post my jokes anytime. I mean, they are always good!

used it to kill a monster sized cockroach in my bathroom. I lived in a crappy little apartment building that had me in one unit and very very old people in all the other units. I don't think they cleaned very often and their critters would always seem to make their way to my place. I put my bathrobe on one morning and felt something scratchy on my back, it was a godzilla sized roach. I sprayed it with aqua net and it became a statue..

There was a group of I.T. pros. on vacation in a remote area of the world.

As they were hiking through the region they came to the top of a hill and much to their surprise, they saw in the valley below, a seemingly undiscovered tribe of people. They were all kneeled in front of a giant rock formation that resembled a zero. They were all bowing, arms out, and chanting "nuuuulllll ... nuuuulllll ... nuuuulllll ... nuuuulllll ..."

One of the I.T. pros. looked to the others and asked ... "Is nothing sacred!?!?!?"

that roach is still in prestine condition in some landfill.

Male/Female Definitions

THINGY (thing-ee) n. female: Any part under a car's hood. male:
The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. female: Fully opening up one's
self emotionally to another. male: Playing football without a
helmet.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. female: The open sharing
of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. male: Scratching
out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the
boys.

BUTT (but) n female: The body part that every item of clothing
manufactured makes look bigger." male: what you slap when
someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for
mooning.

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n female: A desire to get married and
raise a family. male: Not trying to pick up other women while
out with one's girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. female: A good movie,
concert, play or book. male: Anything that can be done while
drinking

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. female: An embarrassing by-product
of digestion. male: An endless source of entertainment,
self-expression and male bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. female: The greatest expression
of intimacy a couple can achieve. male: Call it whatever you
want just as long as we end up in bed.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n female: A device for
changing from one TV channel to another. male: A device for
scanning through all 75 channels every 2&1/2 min.

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were
excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble
and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their
town, their sons were probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been
successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would
speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see
them individually.

So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with
the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger
boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting
there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed.

So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
"Where is God?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer.

So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his
finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home
and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What
happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in
BIG trouble this time, dude... God is missing--and they think
WE did it!"

One morning an 8 year old when waking up his 5 year old brother said, "Mike, I think we should start cussing today. I think we are old enough." The 5 year old agrees.

So they get dressed and go down stairs for breakfast.

Their mom stands above them and says to the eight year old, "What would you like for breakfast?"

The eight year old says, "Well hell, I'll just have some cheerios."

The mother yells, "What did you just say!!" She smacks the child and sends him up to his room.

Then she looks that the 5 year old and sternly says, "And what do YOU want for Breakfast?"

The five year old says, "I don't know. But it sure the Hell is not cheerios."

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him Bush asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, and then fades away

The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight...

The third night sleep still does not come for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, What is the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the mist...

Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?"

Lincoln replies, "Relax, George. Go see a play."

http://tinyurl.com/hvz56

Col ]:)

That is Animal Abuse of the worst kind!!!!!!!!

Now as punishment go watch [b]Joes Apartment[/b] 25 times or until you grow to love Roaches. :p

Col ]:)

brave man or one who likes to live on the edge. Do you have any idea of what SWMBO would do if she ever found out???? :^0

:-(

I'm not an administrator, for anyone but myself, but I've seen the blue screen of death enough times that several of these really touched me, deeply, right here (point to body part).

Thanks for the laugh...

When a bug REALLY annoys me I DON'T get the insecticide, I get the insect repellent and give them a good spray. It doesn't kill them but they go really crazy trying to get away from themselves.

A friend once reported me to the local RSPCA for this, the girl taking the report had to leave the phone while she dashed for the toilet, poor girls was laughing so hard I could hear her a few feet from the phone.

It's the Fast Inaccurate ones that you have to be really careful of as you never know where the ball is going to go. :D

Col ]:)

Petty Behaviour *NEW*
TechMail@... | 07/31/06
Is the petty behavior *NEW*
maecuff | 07/31/06
No it is the following *NEW*
TechMail@... | 07/31/06
Quiet Today... *NEW*
TechMail@... | 07/31/06
I thought *NEW*
TechMail@... | 07/31/06
Double Post *NEW*
TechMail@... | 07/31/06
Waiting for good characters?? *NEW*
TechMail@... | 07/31/06
I'm going to post this one time *NEW*
maecuff | 07/31/06
Figures *NEW*
TechMail@... | 07/31/06