Slogans!

.....does not translate to "caring" on my part.

2) If at first you don't suceed..... use a larger hammer.

3) Take a number and wait, next number in queue - 47158, next number serving - 3

I use a couple of lines especially when talking to users.

" First you will need a hammer with a nonslip rubber handle"
and
"You have rebooted the obligatory 17 times haven't you??"

Talk to the Hand...
Talk to the Hand...
(and if their weird enough to talk to the hand)
Awh... See, not even the hand is listening.

Ya...
Ya...
What else do you want me to do...
Jump down your chimney, and give you a whole bundle of presents?

I goes nice with the... Who do I look like to you...
St. Nick?

Your Fired!
Oh, sorry sir...
I realise I just over stepped my bounds. :-)

So we should watch them duke it out!
My bets on the chair. :-)

The commitee decided to keep the ol' buggar, and tossed out the other.

Too bad... we (Staff) were routing for the keyboard. :-)

(In doors)

If it can smoke...
I can too. :-)

"Never argue with an idiot, they will just bring you down to their level and beat you with experience"

cant remember where thats from.

When being hounded for a status, I once said: "My team is moving at the speed of quality."

I thought it was a fair response, but all the other managers were roaring with laughther. :)

Next favorite is for those times when you sit down at the troubled system and it "magically works" for you.

"This looks like another EEUC error." = Equipmet Exceeds Users Capability.

You should post the bios bit here. That was pretty good (in context).
Hmmm, I think I just put you on the spot. Since now anyone that reads this is going to wonder what I am talking about!

If I want your opinion, I'll read your entrails.

Works for me, anyway. They did make me remove the sign that said that from my office wall as I offended someone without a sense of humor.

and I will stick cocktail sticks in your eyes until you beg for mercy.

Neil :)

I'm practising faking "nice". How am I doing?

From my days in the Army, I still use it occasionally;
Just force it, if it breaks, it needed to be replaced anyway.

My reply to that one is typically;
It makes an ass out of u, leave me out of it.

I think any woman could be a good judge of men 'faking'. We're just better at it. And they so badly want to believe it's true, it makes it all that much easier.

But I'm off topic, aren't I?

"When talking to people in video games or in chat rooms, please consider the following:

This is 2008
Men are Men
Women are Men
Children are undercover FBI (or Dateline)
Spammers are undercover MS employees
JD is out there lurking

I'd love to see the FAQ that comes out of this!

Mine is "computers never do what you *want* them to do; instead, they'll always do what you *tell* them to do." That's important for user to remember because, when they run into an issue, sometimes they'll become frustrated and impatient. I always try to calm them down and remind them that, if they start issuing garbage commands from the keyboard out of frustration, garbage is the exact response they're going to get from their box.

It's tough to think logically when you're pissed off.

Over time I have adopted several 'slogans' actually stolen from other places like movies etc. I quote Monty Pythons a lot, as I find it applies to quite a efw situations, and teh Breakfast CLub had some good ones.

When I worked in Audio in the 80's, our company slogan was a Shakespear quote, that really stuck with me.

"If music be the food of love...play on."
Being involved in the music/audio industry I get to use it a lot. :)

Another fav is " In the end...it all comes down to service." Having worked in many wholesale situations, that one REALLY stood up well.

But one I heard on TV the other day that cracked me up. It was for Autralian travel and tourism. A general "loo at the happy Aussies, commercial with and end slogan saying.
[b]"Australia. So, where the bloody hell are you?"[/b]

Check ou the website: http://www.wherethebloodyhellareyou.com/

:D

Can you imagine them saying THAT on mainstream, network TV? Maybe for one play anyway, it would get yanked from the air prety damn quick!

One of my previous Bosses used to tell us to always make things look big,
otherwise the user will just comment;
"THE IT GUY CAME DID SOME CLICKS AND it WORKED,AS IF I CANT DO IT"

You sir,

are quite crazy.

that is all.

Mike

IT Looks Like A Code Red, We Must Hury and Take it to the Computer Opperating Room.
Someone call 111Redmond, and report Computer Abuse.

We just found an incompatible part in your computing functions...
?You?
We are sorry to say? ?There is no known substitute for that particular part.?

Our regrets lie with the computer.

Ooooooooh some liquor was spilled on the barroom floor
As the bar was closed for the night
And the little mouse crept from the hole in the wall in the shadows of the pale moonlight.

He lapped up the liquor on the barroom floor and back on his haunches he sat.
And all night long you could hear him ROAR, "Bring on the gall dern cat!"

Well the cat crept out from behind the bar and he gobbled up the little gray mouse.
And the moral of this story is, "Don't ya never have a drink on the house."

We actually had a poster of the love to eat them mousies cartoon hanging in our dining room when I was growing up.

[i]Note to self, proofread, THEN post[/i]

When asked, "Can you fix it?" my response is, "Yes, but it will require chicken blood, ostrich feathers and much chanting."

When closing, "If you have any problems or questions, please feel free to call someone else."

"What should I do with this dead PC/Printer/Monitor?" "Drop it off the roof, but only if you're in at least a 4 story building, otherwise the splatter just isn't satisfying."

Right you are!

I'm sure JD is listening to one of these artists as I type. :)

A "The one who smelt it, dealt it"
&
B "The one who denied it, supplied it"

The key is do nothing if confronted. No breathing to initiate A or no finger pointing for B.