Techno GOD

It is in my job description. "Stand there so something will start to work."

What? No, the (l)user wasn't doing anything differently or incorrectly. Don't be silly.

here I just tell the user that the machines are skeered of me and start working. I have been instructed to just stand there--like that's going to happen. :^0

A few years ago I did an install of a hierarchical storage management system on a NetWare server, Disk->WORM->Tape for a customer with a lot of files.

The install worked perfectly for months until it stopped. One of my colleagues spent several days trying to get the kit to work and then, finally, I was asked to come off another job and go in.

I got to site very early and there was no-one there but security knew me so they let me in. I spotted immediately that someone had manged get a spelling mistake into a key line of the config file so I corrected it and went off for breakfast. I didn't start the HSM.

When I got back, all of the workers, management and our tech were waiting for me. They didn't know that I'd already been in.

I walked up the cabinet, laid both hand on the server and cried "In the name of the Little Baby Jesus, I say to you 'heal'. I say again, 'HEAL', '[b]HEAL[/b]'" and hit CR and walked out.

Our tech has never forgiven me.

And here I thought I was something special!

My previous boss used to ask me to come into his office, just to stand there until he finished running some update 'to be sure it worked'.

My definition of computer genius: Anyone who knows more than you do about computers. This means that from the perspective of a LOT of users, it ain't hard to reach divinity.

Should be no problem with as many times as we've all had to simply walk near a machine to make it work.

I always found it quite amusing when that happened. Many a time I have been told just to stand there and wait til the operation is over.

Perhaps as techs we have a certain aura that machines recognize, just as certain machines will not work a lick for specific people. [i]I know printers that would never work for one lady, and copiers for another.[/i]

"Techno God" Hmm. I could get used to that. :D

I have family that call me (1800 miles away) to fix their computer/printer/file- whatever. My partner's Mom thinks I'm great because I installed a firewall and cleaned up her registry- maybe 20 minutes of work.

I have no problem with standing behind someone who is struggling with a computer problem. If it works, it works!

Care to elaborate on why you displayed such an attitude? Or were you just being humorous?

It happens to me all the time!

All it takes is the laying on of the hands and all is well. You're not in that boat alone. I have been accused of using "PIXIE DUST" and magic potions. Even auto mechanics face the same thing, the noises stop and leaks dry up upon their appearance.

I get that all the time.

"My e-mail's not working!!!" - Walk in, have them start the program, and BAM!, 116 messages start pouring in.

I tell them that I wear a special magnet, and when the computer detects the magnet it starts working, so I won't use the magnet on it's hard drive... ;)

When I was a repair tech (MANY years ago) I used to carry a hammer in the top of my tool bag. (It was the only place it fit well). When I finally got around to digging out tools, there the users would be while the first thing I pulled out was a hammer. I always told the folks that when I get frustrated I would tell the computer that THIS was the next tool I would be using, while menacingly shaking the hammer in its direction. Fixed a few problems using that method, as well.

Now I heal VPN connections by walking into the telco closet.

pronoucing a benediction over the phone when first called.

we have a very technical way of tracking those, it gets filed as
"User Perception Issue"

"The Touch" :)

When I walk back from one of those incidents it's often at 2x or 3x pay or a 4 hour minimum callout. MMmmmmmm.

Them that they must have done it right before I got there. Becuse if I seem to fix every thing by being there the next bad thing may not work after I get there. So I look like the bad guy so when the next thing happens show the user what is going on and how to fix it.

It usually happens with your car. You have an irritating noise that disappears when you take the car to the shop. The minute you are out of earshot of the mechanic, the noise returns. With IT equipment, the effect lasts a little longer.

Usually about a day.

Thou shalt not touch the network equipment.

Thou shalt not click on every link in an email.

Thou shalt not install file-sharing software on thy company PC.

Thou shalt not attempt to get through the firewall to www.bigb00bies.com. We know who you are...

Thou shalt not jimmy the server room door to plug the network printer into the server UPS.

Thou shalt not use thy mouse as a projectile.

Thou shalt not use "password" or "default" as thy password.

Thou shalt not call the help desk because the printer is out of paper.

Thou shalt not print the same document 32 times, hoping that one of them will actually come out of the printer. You have a printing problem (probably out of paper).

etc., etc., ad nauseum...

be Star Wars nuts - thus we should be really into being Jedi Knights, now the skills of a Jedi Knight go well with being able to fix things without touching them.

So all we really need to do is set out the baseline doctrine of what constitutes a Jedi Knight as of this time, we all know it's going to change by the time we get to the days of the Empire, but we can work out its starting rules.

When i was working for a consulting firm, we actually had a bill code with the abbreviation DBC. I forget now what it *actually* stood for (some type of service fee), but our internal definition was "Dumb B!+ch Charge." We would tack it onto an invoice if the client had been really problematic or irritating or just kept calling us out.

I tell everyone that I give off an Aura or Computer Health. Sometimes I can even do it over the phone.