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The Impure Friday Yuk

By gadgetgirl ·
As we (myself, jdclyde, sleepin' dawg, jck, ITGirli, us_geeks) have been labelled by DMambo as the Impure Brigade, here follows the Impure Friday Yuk for your perusal.

Rules are fairly flexible (DE!) The main rule to follow is that the jokes and funnies on this particular thread, MUST be impure of thought, mind or deed. Or there will be trouble!! X-(

So, to start you all (y'all, Mae, sorry!) off, here's a few on my (as you all well know) favourite topic.....


A father and son go into a grocery store and see a display of condoms. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes. The father replies, ?Well, you see that three-pack? That?s for when you?re in high school. You have two for Friday night and one for Saturday night? ?what?s the 6 pack for?? asks the son. The father replies, ?That?s for when you?re in college. You have two for Friday night, two for Saturday night and two for Sunday morning? ?So what?s the 12-pack for? asks the son. The father replies ?son, that?s for when you?re married. You have one for January, one for February???

What did Adam say to Eve? ?Stand back! I don?t know how big this thing gets!?

Paddy hires a call girl for the night, but when she arrives, they discover that neither of them has any condoms. The girl doesn?t want to lose a sale, and Paddy doesn?t object, so they have sex without protection. Afterwards, Paddy turns to the girl and says ?Oh God, I just thought. You don?t have AIDS to you?? ?No? says the girl. ?Thank God for that? says Paddy, I?d hate to catch it twice???

What did the elephant say to the nude man? ?It?s cute, but can it pick up peanuts??

A woman is divorcing her husband on the grounds of cruelty. His organ is so large that it hurts to have sex. After she has explained the problem to her lawyer, he tells her that he?ll file her petition. The woman replies ?Stuff that! Why can?t you go round and sandpaper his down a bit?


Happy Friday, all, and here's to a wonderful weekend!

GG

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I was wondering ...

by stargazerr In reply to The Impure Friday Yuk

How long it will take for someone to start it ...

I love the sandpaper one GG ... brilliant .. Here are some more turners (wont say "What" turners )

NIGHTMARE #1:

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."


NIGHTMARE #2:

The spark had been lost in this guy's marriage, so he was trying to think of a way to rekindle it.
One night he came from work, and found his wife asleep in bed. He thought to himself, "what should I do?" "Oh-I know."
He proceeded to get under the covers and go down on his wife. Soon she began to gently squirm and moan in pleasure.
After a few minutes, her body spasmed with ecstasy as she climaxed.

Afterwards, the man went straight to the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he got there, the light was on and he saw his wife there shaving her legs. He exclaimed, "What are you doing in here?!?" She said, "Shhhh!," pointing at the bed, "You'll wake my mother".


NIGHTMARE #3:

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little horny.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her,

"Honey, would you give me a **** job?"

Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asks grinning at her.

"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

"No way. It's just too risky!"

"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"

"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"

"Oh yes you can. Please?"

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says,

"Dad says to go ahead and give him a **** job, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom says she can come down herself and do it. But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom!"

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#3

by cp7212 In reply to I was wondering ...

Yeah, I liked the Mastercard spoof for that one...

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I've been a bit busy this week

by neilb@uk In reply to The Impure Friday Yuk

So I'll let someone else do all of the work

http://www.atlantaga.com/cgi-bin/genlim.per

Refresh the page for more...

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Good cop out Neil!

by gadgetgirl In reply to I've been a bit busy this ...

so I'll let you off with that one!



GG

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GM, Thanks for labeling these as impure

by DMambo In reply to The Impure Friday Yuk

It clues me in to stay away from the whole thread.

BTW, US_geek, I think nightmare #2 would be funniner if the wife said "my mother". Ewwwwww, mothers-in-law!

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That's what you consider

by gadgetgirl In reply to GM, Thanks for labeling t ...

staying away from the whole thread, is it?

Reading it thoroughly?

Hmm.

Methinks he doth protest too much...



GG

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Really..

by maecuff In reply to GM, Thanks for labeling t ...

I'd think it would be much more disturbing for it to be your own mother. At least the MIL isn't a relative. Err..have you read Oedipus Rex?

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Greatest Fear

by DMambo In reply to Really..

Mae, all men know that the unstoppable ravages of time will turn all women into their mothers. Yet there is nothing more frightening than the thought of being married to one's MIL. That's why most men get on so well with their Fathers in law. It's the pity factor.

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I see..

by maecuff In reply to Greatest Fear

And in an odd way, I understand. My MIL, though I love her dearly, drives me insane. She means well, but she is a control freak and whenever she comes to visit, I get a non-stop commentary on how I just don't quite measure up.

My mother, on the other hand, doesn't critique everything we do, she just has a rather gloomy outlook on many things and tends to be somewhat of a downer.

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Since ....

by stargazerr In reply to I see..

I have been so lucky as to not get married yet... I will just take you guys' word for it ... MIL Sucks !!!

]:)

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