Thursday/Friday Yuk

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not one video player plays wmv format.

That link doesnt work

But since it is friday (almost) ... Here's a laugh

One day three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.

The first man prayed to God, saying "please God, give me the strength to cross this river".

Poof....

God gave him big arms and strong legs. Despite almost drowning a couple of times he was able to swim across the river in about two hours.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying "please God, give me the strength ... and the tools to cross this river".

Poof....

God gave him a rowboat. Despite almost capsizing the boat a couple of times, he was able to row across the river in about an hour.

The third man seeing how it had worked out for the other two, also prayed to God, saying "please God, give me the strength and the tools ..... and the intelligence to cross this river".

Poof.....

God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge

Edited to add: [b]Happy Holidays everyone[/b]. Its going to be a looong LAN party weekend for me. :D

]:)

One of these just HAS to annoy somebody....

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Three blondes died and found themselves standing before Saint Peter at the gate to heaven.
St. Peter said to them, "Before you may enter the gates of heaven you have to tell me what Easter is."
The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where we all have a big feast and we're thankful." St. Peter said, "NO!" and banished her to hell.
The second blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where we celebrate Jesus' birth and give each other presents." St. Peter said, "NO!" and banished her to hell.
The third blonde said, "I know what Easter is."
St. Peter said, "Ok then, tell me."
She starts, "Easter is Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with his disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung him on the cross where he died. Then they buried him in a tomb behind a large boulder."
St. Peter said, "Very good..."
She adds, "Every year the Jews role away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow we have six more weeks of winter."

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Three guys and a girl are marooned on a desert island. After one week, the girl is so ashamed of what she's doing, she kills herself. After another week, the guys are so ashamed of what they're doing, they bury her. After another week, they're so ashamed of what they're doing, they dig her up again.

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Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms.

The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of "Here I come again ...ONE, TWO, THREE...UUH!" all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get a hard on."

The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?"

"I couldn't even get on the f*cking bed

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A big bear and little rabbit are taking a dump side by side in the woods. The bear looks down at the rabbit and asks. "Do you have trouble with sh:t sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies "no". So the bear wiped his arse with the rabbit.

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A prostitute is lounging in her bed one evening, reflecting upon the day's business, when a Koala bear appears at her open window. He winks at her, climbs in, hops onto the bed, and proceeds to perform oral sex upon her. Not too dismayed by her unexpected guests act, she spreads her legs and lets him have at it. Finishing, the koala bear licks his lips and starts to exit out the same window. "Hey, wait a minute, buddy, you've got to pay for that! I'm a hooker, you know!"
"A hooker? What's that?" asks the koala bear. "A hooker, you know, a prostitute! It's in the dictionary, look it up!" So she shows the koala bear the entry in the dictionary. Sure enough, it says: "Hooker: woman who exchanges sexual acts for monetary gain." The Koala bear thinks about this and says: "Do you know what I am? I'm a koala bear! Look it up!" So as the koala bear disappears out the window, the hooker thumbs through the dictionary and looks up "Koala Bear." It reads: "Koala Bear: eats bushes and leaves."

to a stall near you.

http://www.djspyhunter.com/teapot/2005/12/rsstroom-reader-toilet-paper-printer.html

I nearly died while reading some of the comments.

I don't usually post yuk's, but thought this one fit with the topics of discussion lately, even if it is pretty old.

.............................................
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for
a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter.
Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating
their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband
would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would
follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the
husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to
open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in
Minneapolis.

However, he accidentally left out one letter in her address,
and sent the e-mail without realizing his error. In Houston,
a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The
dearly departed was a minister of many years who had been
called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow
checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives
and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on
the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've Arrived!

I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that
everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is
as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is hot down here!

Have a good Easter everyone! :D

Another old, but fitting joke.

An elderly lady was well known for her faith and for her boldness and talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout, "Praise the Lord!"

Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"

Hard times set in on the elderly lady and she prayed for God to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted, "Praise the Lord!! God, I need FOOD!! I am having a hard time. Please, Lord, send me some groceries!!"

The next morning, the lady went out on her porch and saw a large bag of groceries and shouted, "Praise the Lord!!"

The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Ha Ha!! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries. God didn't."

The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and saying, "PRAISE THE LORD!!! He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them!!"

Not exactly in the same vein as the others, but old, and funny! :D

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family's 6 year old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.

She hung around and eventually the construction crew - gems in the rough all of them - more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot.

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and at lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar.

The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the dollar pay she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied, "I've been working with a crew building a house all week".

"My goodness gracious", said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week too"?

"I will if those useless coksuckers at the lumber yard ever bring us the facking bricks", replied the little girl.

If that concerns you, then don't bother. It's only a vid clip.

To actually leave the ice once and come back for another go at it, then fall in front of the entire Hockey team and all the fans, you would want to curl up in the fetal position and disappear.

That gives you one week of possible escape but what about the other week GG's off for 2 weeks/ :p

Col ]:)

I moved to the US in 98 at the age of 24 Oz. I thought you knew that much? :D

There was a young boy and young girl who found themselves [i]in love[/i], and they decided to get married. When the time was right, the girl broke the news to her parents. "But he's a Baptist", the parents said, "and we're Catholics. That would never work out."

"Well I'm sure he would convert", said the girl, "as we are so in love, and he'd do anything for me."

So for the following weeks and months the girl and her parents worked on this boy to convert him, in hopes that he would become a good Catholic. They took him to Sunday Mass, enrolled him in classes, and encouraged him every step of the way.

A week before the wedding, however, this girl went running to her parents in tears saying, "The wedding's off. The wedding's off."

"Why, oh why", asked the parents? "He's such a nice boy, and we though he was ready to convert. What on earth happened?"

And the girl answered, "He decided to become a priest!"

An atheist went walking in the woods of British Columbia one day, and out from behind a big rock jumped an eight foot tall [i]Big Foot[/i].

"Lord, oh Lord help me", cried the atheist.

About that time a loud and deep voice from above rang out, "But I thought you were an atheist and didn't believe in The Lord?"

And the atheist replied, "Yea, and a minute ago I didn't believe in Big Foot either!"

And God populated the Earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double cheeseburger.

And Satan said to Man "You want fries with that?" And Man said, "Super size them". And Man gained pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that Man found so fair.

And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt. And woman gained pounds.

And God said "Try my crispy fresh salad."

And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits and shredded cheese.

And there was ice cream for dessert. And Woman gained pounds.

And God said "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak from Cracker Barrel so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained pounds, and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.

And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained pounds.

And God said "You are running up the score, Devil." And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And he created sour cream dip also. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said "It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed and created quadruple by-pass surgery...

And Satan created HMOs...

I thought you had UK roots but didn't realize you had lived there that long.

Being involved in the music industry, I get files of every imaginable type sent to me. I have nearly a dozen players and god knows how many codecs installed.