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thursday yuk

By Jaqui ·
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old
white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday. The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't."

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his need. "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to Lawrence and he's...just working away at this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' " He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said,"A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?'"

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Been there

by lhatcher In reply to thursday yuk

Haven't we all been there? Lonely, drunk, looking for some pumpkin lovin?

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Peter piper..

by jbaker In reply to Been there

pumped a peck of plump pumpkins!

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shades of

by Jaqui In reply to Peter piper..

"Cinderella" anyone?

seems the punch line flew right by you both.

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Jaqui you spelt it all wrong

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to shades of

It should have been spelt as Sinderalla! :^O

Col ]:)

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Here I go

by jdclyde In reply to thursday yuk

Two men talking in a bar.

The first man states "My wire is an ANGEL!"
The second man looks at him and says, "Lucky dog. Mine is still alive".

----------------------------------------------------

Two men talking in a bar.

The first man states "I got a new truck for my wife".
The second man looks at him and says "Nice trade!"

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Jd, those jokes

by maecuff In reply to Here I go

pretty much just suck.

But, it's better than last week.... :)

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Well Mae

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Jd, those jokes

Throw your Hat into the ring and come up with something better.

The current crop of ones that I have here are all way too Blue for TR as they will get the thread pulled and I wouldn't want to be held responsible for that now would I? :^O

Col ]:)

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Col

by maecuff In reply to Well Mae

I DID like your joke last week, and yes, it would be better to actually dig up a good joke than to be critical of the jokes posted, but that would take an effort..

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READ BEFORE OPENING THE PIC!!!!!

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to thursday yuk

I had to think of people that would actually enjoy this twisted, perverted type of email.

Strangely enough, your names came to mind . Feel free to pass it onto other similarly twisted acquaintances of yours.....

It is not for the faint of heart. If you have a weak stomach, then don't look at the attachment, it is a picture of the demise of a suicide jumper. It was taken shortly after he landed, it shows him with his insides now on the outside.

You will see the look of horror on the faces of the bystanders.

http://tinyurl.com/9a3kk

You had to look didn't you?

Col ]:)

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just for that

by Jaqui In reply to READ BEFORE OPENING THE P ...

Imagine that you go out one night to a really nice bar with your friends and have a few cocktails.

They taste good, so you have a few more and then the DJ puts on 'I Will Survive,' so you're off on the dance floor. After an hour or so, when 'Heart of Glass' has finished, and more modern music comes on , you come back to the group for a rest and another cocktail or three ..

YOU buy him a drink.

He likes a woman who is not afraid to buy a man a drink. He approaches you to chat and you get on really well.

When the time seems perfect for both of you, he leans over and kisses you.

You have never been kissed like this before, an electric kiss and a tingle shudders through your entire body and you don't want it to stop.

"I don't usually do this sort of thing," you hear yourself saying, "but I've never felt like this before.

Do you want to come back to my place?"

You wake up the next morning, and you roll out of bed, half-asleep , to go to the toilet , last night's memories slightly blurred ..

You look at yourself in the mirror, make an "urgh" sound.

As you're sitting there, vivid flashes of what would seem like a marathon sex session flicker back into your head and you remember that you fell in love last night.

With a smile on your face , you stand up and walk back to the bedroom
and see...THIS!!!!!!!!

http://www.pizazzn.com/misc/ugh.jpg

don't look if you have weak stomach people.

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