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Thursday Yuk?

By Oz_Media ·
Well as it is yet another long weekend, I'm outta here!
Time to hit the mainland for a few days camping with friends.

Anyhow, as I will NOT be taking my laptop this time (not on call until Tuesday, YAY!)I will start Friday's Yuk today, or this time a few riddles for the weekend.

RIDDLE:BAGS AD BEADS You are given 5 bags. There are 10 beads in each of the bags. In four of the bags, the beads each weigh 10 kilograms. In the remaining bag, each bead weighs only 9 kilograms. All the bags and beads look identical. You must find out which bag has the lighter beads. The problem is that all the bags look identical and all the beads look identical. You can use a scale, but it has to be a single-tray scale, not a two-tray balance scale. Also, you may use the scale only once. How can you find out which bag has the lighter beads?

RIDDLE:NINE GOLD COINSYou have 9 gold coins. All 9 coins look exactly the same but one coin is a fake and is either lighter or heavier than the other 8 coins. You have a scale - balance type with 2 trays - but can only load it twice. How do you find the fake gold coin?


And some dumb yuks sent from my brother the other night. (he runs a law firm so some of these really aren't funny)

What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
He gets taller

What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
Nothing, there are some things a pig won't do.

What do you do if you find a lawyer buried up to his kneck in cement?
Get more cement.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
Pronounciation

How many lawyers does it tak to change a lightbulb?
How many canm ou afford?

What do lawyers ad sperm have in common?
It takes 300,000 of them to make one decent human being.

What does a lawyer use as birth control?
His personality


How may lawyer jokes are there?
Only three, the rest are trues stories


Have a good weekend, answers to riddles will be posted on Mon. or Tues.

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Have a good one Oz

by TomSal In reply to Thursday Yuk?

I know the weekend will be over by the time you read this, but have a good weekend. I'm also spending my long weekend camping.

Good jokes too!

later!

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Hey!

by ITgirli In reply to Have a good one Oz

I'm going camping too! wow! It's nice to know that we can all break away from the technology now and then. Good journeys to all.

"I have discovered that ducks' opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether or not I have bread."
-comedian Mitch Hedberg

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IN the same sense

by Oz_Media In reply to Hey!

Men's opinions are usually influenced by whether or not you have....

Nasty!

Gotta run now, have a good weekend, DON'T BURN DOWN THE DAMN FORESTS!!

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Mitch Hedberg

by maecuff In reply to Hey!

I LOVE that guy..

"I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would be really pissed off to hear me say that."

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I know

by ITgirli In reply to Mitch Hedberg

He's hilarious. I have his cd "mitch all together". It has a DVD with it as well.

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Yes, these are bad, but they made me laugh anyway...

by maecuff In reply to Thursday Yuk?

EVER WONDER?

1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

2. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car pool lane?

6. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

7. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

8. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!

9. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why
didn't he just buy dinner?

10. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (sound it out...)

11. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

12. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

13. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune?

14. Stop singing and read on..........

15. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

16. Did you ever notice that when you **** in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window? ...

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Hee Hee

by GuruOfDos In reply to Yes, these are bad, but t ...

A guy is sat on a plane bound for Las Vegas, just before take off. He notices a stunning young lady board the plane and follows her with his eyes as she walks along the aisle. She peers at her boarding card and looks at the seat numbers. As luck would have it, she has been allocated the seat next to his. Feeling quite pleased that he's got some 'eye candy' for the duration of the flight, he starts a conversation with her.

'Hi. Are you going to Vegas or connecting with another flight?'

'Vegas', she replies, 'on a business trip.'

'Oh. Are you in a show there or do you work in a hotel or something?'

'Actually, I'm a lecturer and I'm giving a speech at a conference', she says.

'Wow! That's impressive!' our guy responds. 'What are you speaking about?'

'Well, I'm lecturing about sex. Popular misconceptions about sex, to be accurate. You see, many people think that Afro-Americans or African men are the best endowed, when in actual fact, native American Indians have the biggest organs. People also think that Latin or French people are the best lovers, when in fact the Greeks are the most romantic and skilled lovers. When it comes to the kindest and most generous men many think the English or Scandinavians are top in that respect, but in truth it's actually the Irish who excel in that area.'

'But I'm rambling on' she continues. 'How rude of me...I haven't even asked you your name!'

'Tonto Popadopoulus', the man replies, 'but my friends all call me Paddy.'

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ha!

by maecuff In reply to Hee Hee

That was a good one. My husband has a variation of that tactic every nite :)

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Ah but...

by GuruOfDos In reply to ha!

I bet you stopped falling for it after the second or third time!!

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but where..

by maecuff In reply to Ah but...

is the fun in that??

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