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Thursday Yuk

By Old Guy ·
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and Why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.


"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I m ean I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff."

Mariah Carey


"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.


"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett,
University of Kentucky basketball forward.


"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.


"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president."
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
subpoenaed documents.


"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.


"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark


"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that
may or may not occur."

--Al Gore, Vice President


"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan Quayle

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More quotes

by Old Guy In reply to Thursday Yuk

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much
clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A
genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.


"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply ex clude
certain types of people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.


"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

--Bill Clinton, President


"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come
from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective
March 1992 because we received notice that
you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina


"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when
they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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Lemme guess ...

by stargazerr In reply to Thursday Yuk

Couldnt wait for friday??

No no no .. i got a better one .. You live on Mars and follow a different time zone ...


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by Old Guy In reply to Lemme guess ...

I just couldn't think of a good title and saw someone else use Thursday Yuk before. I wondered if I would take heat for that. That's ok, I'm wearing my Kevlar suit, mittens and glasses (hmm, wondered why it was so dark in here). :)

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I was right then ...

by stargazerr In reply to No,

You could NOT wait for Friday ... <tee hee hee>

Here are a few I like ..

No Matter which direction you start, Its always against the wind coming back.

Suicide Hotline ..... Please hold

If you are not living life on the edge, you are taking too much space.

A ship in the harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are bult for

If at first you dont succeed, skydiving is definately not for you.


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From the 1950 Senate Campaign in Florida

by Montgomery Gator In reply to Thursday Yuk

George Smathers, when running for the US Senate in Florida in 1950, allegedly said about his opponent Claude Pepper:

"Are you aware that Claude Pepper is known all over Washington as a shameless extrovert? Not only that, but this man is reliably reported to practice nepotism with his sister-in-law, and has a sister who was once a thespian in New York. Worst of all, it is a documented fact that Mr. Pepper matriculated while in college, engaged in acts of public mastication, is an active **** sapiens, and before his marriage, he is said to have practiced celibacy!"

Claude Pepper was unable to deny the charges. Smathers won in a landslide, and there are many buildings named after him in Florida, including a library at my Alma Mater, the University of Florida. The speech has become a legend of politics.

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Oh god....

by noyoki In reply to From the 1950 Senate Camp ...

Thanks for that laugh, I needed it so very badly today, and the day hasn't even started yet....

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by gralfus In reply to From the 1950 Senate Camp ...

It is funny, but Smathers didn't ever say it. He even offered $10K to anyone that could prove he said it.

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There ya go...

by Old Guy In reply to Legend...

pouring DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE all over a funny. :)

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You are a **** sapiens

by Montgomery Gator In reply to Legend...

Only a **** sapiens would make a remark like that!! :-)

That is why I said "allegedly".

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No he isn't

by jdclyde In reply to You are a Homo sapiens

There is only one of him, thus a **** Sapien.

Some peoples kids, I tell you!

Talk about improper english in emails and on-line.....

(yeah, I'm a good one to talk! )

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